My profile is very long, so read however much you feel like. The only section I'd really like you to read is "You should message me if..." section. The rest is only for those interested. It's like I'm born to be a long winded writer, so I understand if you don't make it through all my rambling.
My life has taken an amazing turn for the better. I can be pretty dark, but it's not my current state of mind.
I'm in a state full of vitality and happiness. I look at flowers, I love my plants, I adore my cats... and everything around me seems to be a cloud of health and love.
It's also contagious - people keep telling me that they are so happy to see me and that they feel out of their angst when I'm around. When I'm well, I am the kind of person who is happy to be alive and happy to entertain.
I think that having clinical depression makes you strangely aware of the beauty in life when you're not depressed. Those with the disorder (me) can fall into a certain depth of depression that others can't even fathom. When the dark fog lifts up, your life appears glorious and you come to appreciate every minute of it - the ups and even the downs - all as a part of what normality is. Normality is just beautiful in comparison to the agony that you know can be experienced.
To be clear, clinical depression is very different than being bipolar. I don't have mood swings. The deepest darkest depressions last a very long time (up to a year or even more), but they happen only when prompted by actual misfortunes. I have also gone through years and years of being depression free. So, it's a very different condition to being bipolar - much more manageable, generally speaking.
However, you needn't worry about all this, because I suspend my profile during those dark periods. If you're reading this, then you'll meet a person who smiles and laughs quite a bit.
I'm very understanding and I tend not to judge people, but accept them for who they are. I'm always curious about people and what makes them who they are. I think I can make people feel very comfortable around me.
I am a very solitary person, but when I am in the company of others, they have my attention.
I used to have many romantic relationships during my teens and early 20-s, but I haven't been good at getting nor keeping any relationships going after my divorce, when I was 25. But I've always been somewhat romantically inclined, so I try to make any interaction with other people matter.
Albeit solitary, I miss having a partner to share my daily life with. I'm open to anything between making a new friend to finding a real partner.
I like knowing a person's boundaries and prefer it if they are stated clearly. I make it an oath to try my best not to ever overstep them. It's something I do because it's also something very important to me: I like people who will give me time and space when I ask for it - whether we're talking about time and space on an abstract emotional level, or actual time and space when I'm busy with something else. I can't always be there for hanging out. However, I do my best to help out a friend in trouble. It's only abuses of my time that I don't appreciate.
I prefer hanging out with only one person at a time, because then I can really pay attention to all that is going on. But I'm not bad at social situations either. The difference is that I enjoy hanging out with one person, while I consider social situations something I have to survive through and it's often with a great deal of effort. But I do well - I don't embarrass people when they introduce me to their friends.
For someone on okc: I want to meet you asap, because I don't have time for lengthy correspondences. I am not here to make online acquaintances, I'm here to make real life friends. I don't care for online interaction, so please try to write to me only if you would be ready to skip all the correspondence and meet for real. Thank you.
I think I should also mention that I have the emotional age of a 15 year old. I get excited like a kid, I like climbing fences and trees, I like sleepovers (not necessarily sexual), I love eating gummy bears and candy in general. But it also means that life impacts me in very unexpected and strong ways. I don't have "walls". I am far too honest, far too trusting, far to open to being hurt. People normally feel things with this intensity during their early teenage years. I just never grew up. How safe someone makes me feel is an important aspect of whether I like a person or not.
I also like people who are very direct when I do something that bothers them and also who tell me when I do something they like. Sometimes I don't sense these things from subtle gestures and I don't want to bother anyone. If someone is overly polite, I get worried that I'm not told when I do something wrong. I prefer forthrightness to exceeding politeness.
One of the strangest things about me is that I really like people as a species. I think we've concocted such an interesting world. And living the urban lifestyle gives us an appreciation for the wild that would otherwise never be noticed. Wild life exists only because we made up civilizations.
To me, the amazing things we built are obvious and it seems logical to me to say that I really like people when I think how I enjoy being human. The reason why I think this is one of the strangest things about me is because, generally speaking, people talk very poorly of human beings as a race. All they see is destruction, greed and malice in homo sapiens. I don't know if I know anyone who says they like human beings. In virtue of this, I believe that my appreciation for humankind is rendered as something weird indeed.