No woman will ever be completely satisfied, because no man will ever have a chocolate penis that shoots out money!

I'm not on here for any amount of seriousness, I'm just bored on night shift and I'm checking out people’s profiles and pictures!

I'm shallow, cynical and sarcastic and not into expressing my "feelings", high maintenance women annoy me, text speak shits me and I sometimes feel like shooting people who don't know the difference between your and you're. The complete package really!

Does that make me a bad person, I don't think so, it just makes me totally honest from the word go.

*sarcasm alert*

Ok, so I have perused a lot of profiles, some are quite witty, some scream of desperation, some ask the question "where are all the decent blokes gone" Well, they're not gone, well, not completely anyway.
The nice guys have all turned into cynical, mistrusting individuals, largely due to the fact that the women who are asking the question, who we were interested in in high school, always picked the bastard bloke for relationships, and us "nice guys" as friends, who were promptly beaten up by said bastard boyfriends for becoming too close to the girls. We got sick of it! Now, after all this time, you finally woke up and realised that you've wasted the last 20yrs and now want to be treated the way we treated you in the first place, we don't want a bar of it.
I hope that explains things to everyone’s satisfaction!
*if you weren't one of those girls in high school, you no doubt knew one or two of them.

(if this was in a newspaper I would expect the editor to be inundated with complaints right about now)

For anyone who has made it thus far without pressing the back button in disgust and anger, I'm not anywhere near as cynical as I appear (I am rather sarcastic though) I'm just really bored and have what some may describe as a bit of a warped sense of humour. I even have one friend who took all this shit seriously and now wants me to seek professional help.

Trying to make sure the boss doesn't catch me looking at online dating sites on work time, preparing for the coming Zombie Apocalypse (c'mon people, we all know it's coming, are you prepared?) and trying to understand the hipocrisy of religion. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Procrastinating, witty sarcasm.

That I'm a witty, sarcastic, procastinator.

Music, music and more music. I have 40,000 songs on my computer which I generally leave on all day on random. For the most part I just listen to whatever comes, could be ACDC followed by Mozart and then Metallica or the Dixie Chicks, and then maybe some Doda (Polish singer).

A lot of Australian music like Sia, Tame Impala, Powderfinger. Not really into Thrash Metal.
If anyone has never heard Australian music get on Youtube and have a look at ACDC, Little River Band, Crowded House, INXS, Living End, Silverchair, Midnight Oil, Jet, Wolfmother, Cold Chisel (these are mostly older rock bands, but have some absolute classic material) Some new artists that deserve a listen; Angus & Julia Stone, Birds of Tokyo,Clare Bowditch, Eddy Current Suppression Ring, Kate Miller-Heidke, Lisa Mitchell, Kasey Chambers, The Cat Empire, Vanessa Amorosi, Washington, Xavier Rudd, to name a few. There has been a couple of journalists who have compiled (what they believe to be) the best 100 Australian albums. Here's a link to it;
http://www.triplem.com.au/sydney/music/news/blog/the-100-best-australian-albums/20101026-a9mz.html

If you agree or not, they certainly are worth a listen, especially for people in far away countries. Some of these bands never made it internationally for whatever reason, but there is some brilliant material here.

The latest R&B scene is starting to shit me, what the hell is going on with these people, can't you release a song that hasn't been tweaked?? If you have to use Autotune for every song then you don't deserve to be called a singer (yes, I'm looking at you Kesha) seriously people, stop the artistic rot!!!

US rap has gone seriously downhill, nigga nigger, bitch bitch, slap that ho!! These are not decent lyrics in anyones imagination, try listening to some aussie hip-hop, something like the Hilltop Hoods, refreshing!

I'm really getting back into my German music at the moment, Herbert Grönemeyer has been a favourite for years and I have recently discovered Silbermond, and the fact that 99 Luft Balloons was not the only thing that Nena ever did.

Music
Travel
Witty conversation
Friends/Family/Loved Ones
Zombie readiness kit

What else is there, that isn't materialistic?

Wondering if it is becoming compulsory for every woman over the age of 35 in the US to get a boob job.

I'm also procrastinating about finishing the landscaping in the back yard, and trying to work out where I should go on my next holiday. Money is limited after building a house, so it's looking like places in Asia for a while as they are fairly cheap to go to from Perth.

Busy plying my 6yr old niece with chocolate and red cordial, before I give her back to her parents!

I'm actually a Russian secret agent, I'd be really good at it if I could actually speak Russian! My niece is going to teach me. (she's 6, and does speak fluent Russian)

You're bored or you want to know anything about Australia or New Zealand, or any of the other countries I have visited. If I don't know the answer, I'm sure I can make something up.

And, if my profile made you laugh, even once, it has had the intended effect.