I spend a lot of time trying to come up with answers to really important questions. Like, how can I turn cleaning my apartment into a drinking game? What's the most efficient and enjoyable way for me to watch my Netflix queue? Why do grizzly bears appear simultaneously cuddly and terrifying? Is there a realistic way I could make money off of the ridiculous ideas I come up with while talking to people at parties? What is the minimum amount of effort I would have to put in, starting right now, to make it to the NBA? How can I make sure I get all of the Velveeta mac and cheese mix out of the pouch? What sort of funny, question-based scenario should I use to open my self-summary that will make me appear both cleverly quirky and emotionally grounded?
I'm a grateful Mavericks fan, a hopeful Rangers fan, and a marginally suicidal Cowboys fan. I haven't watched the Stars since Modano left.
What I’m doing with my life
I drove to LA in a 2003 Buick Regal named LeRoi to live with my
jackass friends and write comedy movies. I now write TV dramas.
Don't worry, I don't know how it happened either.
My most recent goal for my life in general is to constantly make an
effort to not become complacent. When you talk to friends who still
live in your small Texas town, they're just impressed by the fact
that you're living in Los Angeles. So a lot of my time now is spent
reminding myself that being in a place isn't the same thing as
having success in it.
I’m really good at
Spacing out during movies, and then having to rewind them because I
don't know what's going on.
The first things people usually notice about me
My shirt is wrinkled. I'll tell you that it's supposed to look that
way. It's not.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I still haven't been able to convince myself to make the move to the Kindle. Something about the tactile experience of leafing through a book keeps me browsing used book stores. The smell. The font. The thought that someone else has run their finger over a particularly interesting line before me. I love technology and all, but I don't think I'm ready to give that up yet.
On my shelf: Hemingway. Confederacy of Dunces. Bukowski. The Man Who Was Thursday. The Name of the Rose. Nonfiction about sports, war, or movies. Crime novels: Chandler, Hammett, Elmore Leonard etc. That one series with the kid and the wizards and the flying golden balls. Pretending to have read Infinite Jest (it actually just sits on my shelf making fun of me).
Movie People: Scorsese. Coen Brothers. Fincher. Hitchcock. Nolan. Hughes. Spielberg. The Scott Bros. PTA. Anything written by William Goldman, Tony Gilroy, or Shane Black. I'll defend Michael Bay any day of the week.
I have my top 10 favorite movies in a list on my phone so that I don't forget it. I only show it to people I trust, so be nice to me.
The Tube: Breaking Bad. 30 Rock. Justified. Sopranos. South Park. Game of Thrones. Jessica Jones. Banshee. Veep. The Wire. Parks and Rec. The Americans. Peaky Blinders. New Girl. Arsenio Hall.
Tunes: The eternal Phil Collins vs. Peter Gabriel debate. Led Zeppelin. Taylor Swift. Red Hot Chili Peppers. Foo Fighters. Sleigh Bells. Japandroids. Kendrick Lamar. John Mayer. Beyonce. Living Colour. Elton John. This Will Destroy You. Nick Drake. Ingrid Michaelson. The Boss. Smashing Pumpkins. Death Cab. Dinosaur Jr. Alanis Morissette. Dave Matthews. Avett Brothers. Hova. Third Eye Blind. Yes to Joe Walsh. No to The Eagles.
The six things I could never do without
Guitar-driven music, Cloudy days, Bourbon, Dad jokes, Soft sheets, and a good pair of jeans
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Whether I can put ping pong as an applicable skill on a resumé.
On a typical Friday night I am
Trying to make a well-structured argument to my friends why they
should stop badgering me and let me stay home on the couch, or
complaining that we don't go out and socialize enough.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I can't juggle. I know...it's embarrassing. All my life, I've
always wanted to juggle, but it just hasn't happened for me. I'd
appreciate it if you wouldn't bring it up. It's kind of a sore
You should message me if
You like jokes, dislike pretentious people, or have met Charles