CAVEAT "Poly" is a terrible word, but I guess it's accurate because my relationships are open. If you are looking for monogamy, I do wish you luck, but it's not for me.

The people I gravitate to are those who are volleying around
hypothetical Chuck Klostermans (Would you rather spend 3 months in Paris or 5 minutes on the moon?), not those talking about their job. I'm sure your job is super, but I'd rather know about your favorite museum dioramas.

I have a devastatingly low threshold of tolerance for homophobia, conspiracy theories, anyone who uses "feminist" as an epithet, and misplaced apostrophe's.

I won money on Cash Cab.

This is the funniest 18 seconds on the Internet.

Why did all the villains disappear when the heroes got banned in The Incredibles? They should have been having a field day. Now that movie doesn't make a lick of bloody sense. Goddamn it...

My mind was shattered into a million pieces when I found out caramel was just sugar and milk. That does not seem like that should work. At all.

Geeky trivia, Boggle, making a meal from random bits and bobs, copy-editing, consuming a season of a show in a sitting, and derailing a conversation to reference an obscure piece of pop-culture minutiae.

...that I'm loudly mocking the fact that you put travel pictures on your OKC profile. "A BEACH?! Oh my Glob!"

Pages
Have you read "In the Heart of the Sea: The Tragedy of the Whaleship Essex"? It's probably THE definitive account of a sperm whale attacking a ship in which the castaways must eat their dead comrades to survive.

Nursing a Scott Pilgrim addiction. He's probably going to be the next tattoo. That or a Joust ostrich.

I tried to like Dawkins. It seems like I should like Dawkins. But fuck that guy. He's a prick that most of the Internet agrees with, so he gets a pass on being a prick?

Idiot box
Anything voiced by H. Jon Benjamin. I once watched him pet a goat at a sidewalk petting zoo.

I am a TARDIS-tattoo haver and Mitchell and Webb lover. You can extrapolate from there whether or not I like Adventure Time.

(yes)

Moving pictures
The Iron Giant is the best thing ever, period. If you disagree, you have no soul. Glengarry Glen Ross is a close second. I was recently forced to face up to the fact that Snatch was not a good movie.

In the earbuds
I listen to podcasts almost exclusively. TAL, WTF, Savage Love(cast), Pop Culture Happy Hour, The Moth, Wire Tap, Planet Money. I (usually) find stories more engaging than music.

Munch
Other than bugs and organs, there's very little I've shied away from. Except butterscotch. Why? Why the hell does this exist? Answer me. I have a huge crush on Ethiopian food. It's the weird bubble bread that calls me back.

Why is "video games" not on that list, OK Cupid? Too nerdy? Are video games even considered nerdy anymore? I've lost the thread of whether I'm supposed to be embarrassed or not.

A PS3 controller. (RIP, dear Xbox. You are missed)
My ever-entertaining parrot son, who just learned to say "Hi, Mr. Poops."
Sticky dive bars and their sticky inhabitants.
Kosher salt.
The laughter of children. Ha. Totally kidding. Cheese? Parenthesees? PARENTHECHEESE??

This.

Is Ferris Bueller a figment of Cameron's imagination? Go watch it again. It works.

I work from home, so the days tend to blur together into a homogeneous gray sludge. So on a typical Friday night, I'm saying, "It's Friday? Huh..."

I've keyword-searched "cosplay" on OKC.

...you've ever uttered "Why are the save points so #$@!%ing far apart?!" out loud at the television.

...you've ever wondered what it feels like to be bitten by a parrot.

...looking at a ridiculous amount of nerdy tattoos appeals to you.

...your nose is buried in a comic book. But then... how are you reading this?

You shouldn't if...
...you have "nerdy" in your profile in reference to your love of books, theater, or politics. Reading The Monstrous Compendium is nerdy. Liking classical music is not.

...you've ever said, "I don't watch television." Cutting yourself off from such an enormous source of culture, education, and entertainment is not commendable. It's kind of depressing.

...your profile contains more than four exclamation marks, the phrases "fun-loving," "explore the city," "wander aimlessly," a list of places you've traveled, or a reference to Burning Man.