Hi. I am all the cliche self-summary content you have ever encountered and, therefore, completely uninteresting. I could fill this space with tons of meaningless adjectives describing 99.5% of the world's population. Instead, I have compiled a list of similarly useless verbiage to occupy this space and comply with OKC's minimum entry requirements;

Beets
harpoon
toad
onion
horseshoes
flamethrower
sponge
Reader's Digest
rubbish
split infinitives
pustules
flip
revile
craft
staple gun
cartography
plunge

Now you know about as much about how you'll really perceive me as if I had bothered with a normal self summary.

Perceptions are entirely subjective and thus is our universe - in and of the eye of the beholder. We define our reality through our senses and our feeble attempts at finding patterns where there are none. No matter what I wish to convey in this summary, you will come to your own conclusions and they will, likely, diverge from those I might hope you would arrive at.

I have a job I enjoy, good friends, and family I treasure.

I spend most of my time at my job working as an environmental analyst. I test water and soil for toxic organic contamination; stuff like MTBE, gasoline and fuel oil spills, industrial solvents and nasty carcinogenic compounds. It's nice to have a chemistry job that doesn't involve ruining the world and killing bunnies. I work with great people who make the long hours and high stress bearable.

When I'm not doing that I'm a volunteer firefighter.

There's quite a bit more I'm not telling you. It's for your own good that you not know everything at this time. Unfortunately this could put you at a distinct disadvantage in life. So as to not significantly interfere with your ability to fully enjoy life I offer you the opportunity to ask about these things I am not telling you. It's your call.

Alternatively I invite you to tell me what I am doing with my life. Be creative. Have me doing whatever your heart desires. Imagine me plying the oceans deep consuming vast quantities of plankton if you like. Take it to the very limits of your imagination and know this; I'm still cooler than that.

If I told you what I was good at, you'd want to be my friend to get me to do it for you. I'm THAT good. Let your imagination take hold, but it's still not as awesome as what I really am good at and I am STILL better at it than you can imagine. And there's more. So much more.

People have told me that they have noticed that I have feet and a head in all the usual places.

The very observant have also taken note that I breathe consistently throughout the day and I move in an upright walking fashion upon these things called feet. I would also add, since it might not be obvious, that I am under the sway of earth's gravitational pull. That would be why I don't just fall into space; in case you were wondering how I avoid it.

I have extraordinary tastes that are more simple and more admirable than any list you can concoct. I am refined and discerning, yet earthy and moist, like fresh potting soil. Imagine the best and worst of the world's artistic and culinary output. I am an enthusiast of all that. Here is a random word:

discombobulate.

Ha! That was not random at all. Nothing is truly random unless it truly is. So is it?

IS IT?!

My answers should be obvious. Go ahead, guess them. You are not being timed or graded on your guesses.

No, you are being timed and graded... and observed by auditors from KPMG.

Thermoeconomics, chicago schoolers be damned. I also frequently wonder if I can do anything more to improve the lives of my cats.

I usually work late on Fridays. If anything, I'm asleep early on Friday nights. I usually have a lot to do on Saturday mornings.

I have internal organs. I suspect you could have guessed that. It also might be an answer to my "six things".

Message me if you want to. If you don't want to message me, then don't. The ball is in your court. I will neither persuade or dissuade you. It is totally your call.

I might say something that could change your life.

Or not.

I had answered every question on this site. I had my profile at 100% completion and it totally went to my head. Now I'm starting over with the questions. Hopefully I'll get them all right this time.