Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy

Handsome_Hobo

26 M Austin, TX

I’m looking for

  • Guys and girls who like bi guys
  • Ages 18–99
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, short-term dating, casual sex

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 9:16pm
Orientation
Bisexual
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body Type
Thin
Diet
Smokes
Yes
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Often
Religion
Other, but not too serious about it
Sign
Cancer, and it’s fun to think about
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Art / Music / Writing
Income
Less than $20,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Mostly non-monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
An Introductory Specific:

Let's just get this out of the way, right here and now. I list myself as a bisexual, but only because there is no option for pansexuality. I honestly do not care one bit what your gender or orientation is, because I believe that both those things are far too fluid to be categorized by rigid terminology. I simply know that a connection is a connection, be it physical, mental, or both. There are far too many lovely, remarkable people on this planet to limit one's self to just one portion of the population. I'm into anyone that sparks my interest here.

Back To Your Regularly Scheduled Profile:

I think this is all just a big ol' goof.
Everything around me just kind of makes me laugh, the overall seriousness with which Americans seem to regard themselves. I mean, c'mon, none of this is fucking serious, and unless you cure cancer, aids, the U.S. economy, or world poverty, then none of what we do here with "human existence" really matters in any sort of grand stretch of anything. When you look at things that way, it makes it a hell of a lot easier to have fun with every moment that my eyes are open.

I try to live my life by the first rule of Improv: Just Say YES. That being said, I hate doing improv. There's way less stressful ways to see me try my damnedest to stop existing in front of a crowd of people.

I'm a college graduate, with a degree in Cultural Studies, Acting, and minors in creative nonfiction and comedy writing/performance. The fact that I can keep up my blissful happiness while knowing so much about the ins and outs of society's superstructure is really astounding. I feel like a big part of living with that kind of knowledge requires a bit of detachment, just like acting does. Once you learn how to detach yourself from the everyday, and can handle looking at every moment of life from an outside perspective while still living in the moment, you can handle some pretty mind-shattering realities. You just have to get right and comfortable in that alternate space you build yourself to survive in. Of course, life does become a bit of an exercise in method acting when you live like this, but it's always fun to act and write the script as you go along.

In all honesty, I just really want to have a good time while I'm still alive.

My personality type is ENFP (The Champion), which apparently puts me in the Idealists group, which only applies to about 3% of the population.
So that's cool.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I run food at a swanky restaurant I can't afford to eat at, I do stand-up from time to time, and I perpetually have a plethora of essay collection projects and TV show ideas that I'll probably never finish. Otherwise, I'm just cracking wise, leaning on whatever I can find, and being a vagrant, mostly. Oh, and playing with cats. I do that quite a bit.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Finding Scottish indie pop bands to obsess over.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm always smiling or laughing, even when I'm walking down the street by myself.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books- I generally tend to just find writers I like and devour their back catalogue. Some of my favorites are David Foster Wallace, Neil Gaiman, Haruki Murakami, Zadie Smith, Rob Sheffield, Chuck Klosterman, E.M. Forster, Allen Ginsberg, and Tao Lin are the names that currently float to mind, but I'm always seeking out new voices to hear.

Music - I wasn't kidding about that whole Scottish indie-pop obsession, I'm super into indie pop (especially bands from the UK), shoegaze, dream pop, folk pop, and above all, twee pop.
http://www.last.fm/user/ChicagoSkyline

Here's the short (probably not actually) list of who/what never leaves my ipod.

Allo Darlin'
The Beach Boys (The first cassettes I ever bought were Pet Sounds and the Rush Hour soundtrack. Guess which one my mother put on in the car that day? Hint: Pretty sure the lead track on Pet Sounds isn't "Can I Get a Fuck You?")
Beat Happening (I have a K Records tattoo)
Belle & Sebastian (You know how every music nerd has that one band that they're agressively into? Well, I'm aggressively into Belle and Sebastian. I have a B & S tattoo, all their records, and a few books. Stuart Murdoch is my platonic sun and stars.)
Bill Callahan/Smog
Bright Eyes/ Conor Oberst/ Mystic Valley Band/ Monsters of Folk
The Boy Least Likely To
Camera Obscura
Cocteau Twins
Danny Malone
Destroyer
Fleetwood Mac (C'mon. Rumors, y'all. It's perfect)
Girls
Heavenly (Amelia Fletcher is my role model)
Jenny Lewis/ Jenny & Johnny
Jens Lekman
Jesus & Mary Chain
Kate Bush (There's never a bad time to listen to Hounds of Love)
Los Campesinos
The Lucksmiths
Mac Demarco (Seriously, bless those Canadians, right?)
The Magnetic Fields (No, I don't keep ALL of 69 Love Songs on there. No one wants to be surprised with "Love is Like Jazz". That's a terrible thing to do to yourself.)
Morrissey (Oh sweet tender asexual king of misanthropy. The lock screen on my phone is young Morrissey with a cat on his shoulder.)
My Bloody Valentine
The Pains of Being Pure at Heart
Real Estate
Rilo Kiley (I need to have all the Jenny Lewis at all times)
Ringo Deathstarr (Bless Austin buzzsaw pop)
Ryan Adams (Canadians are just swell)
Spoon
The Smiths
The Smittens
St. Vincent (Annie Clark is a goddess in every possible interpretation of the word.)
Talking Heads (Yeah, well, that surprises absolutely no one.)
Talulah Gosh
Tullycraft

Movies - My favorite directors are David Lynch, Wes Anderson, Woody Allen, and David Wain.
You can probably get a pretty good guess on my film tastes based on that lineup.

Television - Doctor Who, Community, and Twin Peaks are my holy television trinity. I'm a huge fan of Mission Hill, Lucy, Daughter of the Devil, Futurama, 30 Rock, Parks and Recreation, Mad Men, Broad City, High Maintenance, Bob's Burgers, The League, Adventure Time, Peep Show, Louie, Archer, The IT Crowd, Game of Thrones, Veep, Hannibal, Pushing Daisies, and just so many more. Seriously, I fucking love television.

Food - If I'm going out for food, chinese takeout, tacos, and delis are my go to. If I'm cooking, I make a hell of a sandwich on my own.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Carl Sagan
Misandry
Doctor Who
Kittens and puppies, and all the animals that will let me snuggle them
Sad Bastard indie-pop bands
Gettin' frisky
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
The striking amount of similarity between myself and the average housecat.

Meta-modernism and The New Sincerity.

Trying to find the midpoint between never wanting to see another human being again, and wanting to hug everything and everyone.

How being a kind and compassionate human being is essentially a political act at this point, and how disappointing that reality can be.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Either running expensive seafood to rich people, or getting high and watching Netflix.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Here is all my weird secret stuff. I have been sexually rejected by not one, but two guys who later went to clown college. I get super nervous whenever I hear a vacuum cleaner because when I was a kid, my mom used to turn on the vacuum to drown out the sound of her and my dad fighting. Which is why I rarely vacuum my apartment. Like, never. I have had three doughnuts so far today. Once in college, I pooped my pants a little bit at a country steaks all you can eat buffet and I didn't leave until I finished my second plate of shrimp. And I lied. I have had five doughnuts today.

Sorry, that was Liz Lemon...

I did work as an escort/masseur for a bit, and it was a blast.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If getting high, playing with cats, and watching shows we both like/introducing each other to new shows sounds like a solid date to you.

If you wanna listen to Belle and Sebastian or Morrissey and make out.

If you will teach me mandolin, banjo, ukulele, or any piano-esque instrument.

If you're not looking for a serious or monogamous relationship. Or, even better, if you're a couple in search of a unicorn.

I am open to the possibility of making platonic friendships off
here. If you're a fellow "self-proclaimed intellectual", a
"hipster" (in the keeping up with music, art, and general culture
aspect, not just the "I shop at American Apparel, do a ton of blow,
and look malnourished on purpose" part that gives the term a bad
rap), or a "comedienne/comedian" that is looking for a writing
partner or just someone to riff with, I can turn off my libido to
foster positive working relationships. All the best
writers/thinkers/funny people have to have some kind of collective
to keep them going.

If you've made it to this point, I should probably tell you that
you may have to make the first move in terms of opening the lines
of contact. I'm not saying I'm particularly shy or anything, but
rather a combination of lazy and aloof in terms of starting a
conversation. I just never really know what to say. While I'm on
this point, if you see me viewing your profile on a semi-regular
basis, it does not mean that I'm busy masturbating to your pictures
or anything like that. That's the kind of thing you keep a myspace
account around for (I kid, I kid, no one has a myspace anymore).
What it does mean, however, is that at the very least I find you
interesting and attractive, and am meticulously looking at your
profile in order to figure out how to start a conversation. If you
find me any combination of interesting or attractive, just do us
both a favor and send me a message, even if it's just to say hello
and call me out for my pseudo-creeping habits. there's a 50/50
chance you'll end up getting a cup of coffee, a spirited
conversation, and a new appreciation for the lakefront/beach.

NO MUSCLE-BOUND MACHO GUYS. I'M ABSOLUTELY NOT INTERESTED. HETERO-NORMATIVE MASCULINITY IS A FUCKING PLAGUE UPON THE WORLD.