Unsolicited user reviews:
"I look at your profile... and I think, 'Nerdy guy who has read pick-up guides to try to score women by adopting the alpha male stereotype. Probably has an ugly face and a terrible case of social awkwardness. Probably spent an ungodly amount of time on his profile.'"
-- 22-year-old female (Chicago, IL)
Response: Probably ;)
You are "a horrible human being" who is undoubtedly "compensating for a baby penis."
-- 36-year-old female (Naperville, IL)
Response: My grandmum would definitely take issue with your first point!
"I want to taste you."
-- 31-year-old male (San Francisco, CA)
Response: While a me-sandwich does sound yummy, if I'm going to be the meat then I'd prefer the buns to be female.
"I DO think you sound like a douche, but for some reason I still want to rub my tits against your abs."
-- 21-year-old female (New York, N.Y.)
Response: Marry me?
Typical reaction: "WHAT A DOUCHE -- albeit a physically fit, surprisingly eloquent, perhaps devilishly attractive douche who is willing/able to profess a disarmingly (if not downright charmingly) self-aware brand of douchiness."
I'll try keep this semi-short for expediency's sake. [Editor's note: I failed.] True story: if you are able to stomach the initially disagreeable outer layer of douchiness that dominates this profile and we end up hitting it off you shall be rewarded. Handsomely.
Summary: I like where I'm at personally, professionally, physically, psychologically, and any other of those -ally's, but I travel a lot (primarily NYC, Boston and SF) for work and would like to meet a lady who has her own things going on but would like to grab some drinks, share a few laughs and/or practice a little babymaking for pretend.
Some fun facts about me: Just like everybody else on here I am extremely attractive and devilishly intelligent, but unlike them I have the pics and conversational skills to prove it. I can be discreet. Sometimes I'm laid-back, sometimes I'm not; sometimes I'm down to earth, sometimes I'm not -- but I'd rather somebody punch me in my erogenous zone rather than use either of those lame, generic phrases to describe me. I rarely lose my cool, know how to treat a lady, never forget a face, but can be bad with names. I have an extremely supple mind, maintain a very active lifestyle, harbor several seemingly insatiable desires, and don't really give a shit about the Oxford comma. I have a serious (ie, big boy) job that demands a lot of my time (especially lately... sigh), but in and around talking about subcutaneously administerable oligonucleotides and series E convertible debentures I will be daydreaming about how amazing your tits look when your back arches as you cum.