Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
By day, I'm a mild-mannered mail room clerk at the health insurance
firm that Garrison Keillor hocks on his radio show. Decent work. By
night, I sell booze, which is way more fun, especially when AC/DC
or Talking Heads or Van Morrison come on the radio and my regulars
want to dance with me.
Yes. I am a dancing liquor store clerk. I'm that guy.
Somebody has to be.
I should let you know that, no, I cannot provide you with
discounted postage, health care, or libations.
Well, maybe libations. I get an employee discount on that.
My friends say (OK, so only one said it out loud) that I
have a take-no-shit attitude; specifically, she said, "You can read
people and when people are being jackasses, you tell them they're
being jackasses." What can I say to that? I have a low tolerance
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I play air drums when nobody's looking.
I don't know if you'd call me an avid cyclist but you can usually
find a pair of wheels under my ass either around the Chain of Lakes
or on the way to the bank or the grocer's. And speaking of
I cook a lot. I get down with fusion cuisine even if the term makes
it sound pretentious. Speaking of being pretentious...
I'm an aspiring author, so rare is the night that I'm not found
working on a novel. And when I've hit writer's block, I make up for
it by writing record reviews. Speaking of music...
I make music of my own when I get a chance to not bother anybody
upstairs. When pressed for a description, I'd call it heavy punk
rock with a twist of Mancini. You can hate my band by going here:
And to relax, I like to spend some quality time with my sketchbook
or a crossword puzzle, drinking bloody marys.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
"I make a good cake and the ladies seem to like me." If you
recognize that quote, we'll get along just fine.
I make a mean salsa. My specialty is a navel orange and jalpeño
variety. I also make a marinara that will knock your socks off.
Folks of actual Central American or Mediterranean heritage may
poo-poo my culinary efforts; I don't know, I haven't asked any of
I can also fix a decent cocktail, finally mastering the art of the
I'm really bad at
Using all of my vegetables and herbs before they go bad. Drawing
the same thing twice (which is why I never landed a job at Marvel
comics). Being tolerant of shitty, shitty music. Twerking.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Yeah. The beard. Everybody notices the beard. Sometimes, I don't
have it, though. Be prepared for that eventuality.
I was twice told about my eyebrows, which was weird.
I don't know. Perhaps I should be chuffed that women are looking at
my face. You know, as opposed to that weird Kuato guy growing out
of my abdomen. It just makes things awkward when they keep staring
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
My favorite author, hands down, is Anthony Burgess.
I like 80s sci-fi, classic horror, and Cold War era spy
TV? If it's animated, British, or about food, chances are that I'll
watch it. Danger 5
is probably the best comedy ever,
If it's on my phone, it's probably my current favorite record. You
can see my record collection here:
... what I've
been listening to lately or right now here:
... and my current favorite
Lately, I've been listening to a lot of my friends' bands: Joe 4,
Nonagon, and CHINA. I think my favorite record ever is Marquee
. Either that or Entertainment!
. Or Songs
. Or Special Wishes
Favorite food? Currently? Oranges. I don't know. Food is a pretty
big world. How you going to narrow it down to one thing?
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
It's a pretty simple list...
My guitar (any of my guitars, really).
My skillet and chef's knife.
Pencils and sketchbook (they kind of go together).
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
My friends, really. I like making art that satisfies my whims and
if it impresses my friends, all the better. I like making my
friends laugh; I think my jokes suck until they laugh and
then I laugh. I really try to impress them with my food
and if they don't like it, they can fuck off down to McDonald's.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
I work at a not-for-profit health insurance firm by day and a
liquor store at night and on weekends. After I get off the clock at
night, I usually take my shoes off and stare at the floor with my
headphones on my ears and a glass of red in my hand. Yeah, give me
grief; I'm fucking tired, man. Saturdays are better bets to get me
out of the house after work.
Actually? I lied. I don't take my shoes off. Fuck that
But my Sundays are always guaranteed to be wide open, so you can
hit me up with shit to do then. Usually, I try to find some brunch
or something and just relax. It's my one day off so I either try to
find friends to drink with, make music with, or I just order some
Caffrey's and watch *New Girl*. Nick Miller for life, yo.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm fairly certain that all blind people are telepathic; thus I try
to clear my mind when I'm next to a blind person.
Further, I'm a grown man, I know how to cook, I know what
constitutes actual food. I pay attention to my health and the
nutritional qualities of what I eat. But if you put a Hot Pocket in
front of me, you'll see an empty plate, because that thing's going
in my face-hole.
Also? Don't tell anybody, but Daft Punk is playing at my
At my house.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If any of that up there sounds like the kind of guy you want to
talk to for a minute, go ahead and message me if you want to meet
up for a coffee or a beer.
Be warned, though, I don't consider text-speak to be a language and
further, you're an adult with a qwerty keyboard in front of you;
'B4' is not a word, it's a bingo call.
Also? If you message me, you should know that Björk is my future
ex-wife. So let's keep it non-committal, ladies. After all, you're
just one more stepping stone between me and the Björk-ster.
Oh, and if you're not a cat person, thanks for playing.
Who are you looking for?
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