Find better matches with our advanced matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy


33 M Minneapolis, MN

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 9:29am
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Trying to quit
Other, and somewhat serious about it
Capricorn, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from two-year college
Art / Music / Writing
Less than $20,000
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
Doesn’t want kids
Likes cats
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Have you been to the liquor store lately? Have you noticed that one guy that looks like he's working at the wrong liquor store? Wearing a shirt and tie and such?
I regret to inform you that I am that guy.
Don't hate, though. I remember what you bought that night and you aint exactly the classiest of dames.
I mean, for real. You prefer to drink that?

My friends say (OK, so only one said it out loud) that I have a take-no-shit attitude; specifically, she said, "You can read people and when people are being jackasses, you tell them they're being jackasses." What can I say to that? I have a low tolerance for jackassery.
What I’m doing with my life
I play air drums when nobody's looking.
I don't know if you'd call me an avid cyclist but you can usually find a pair of wheels under my ass either around the Chain of Lakes or on the way to the bank or the grocer's. And speaking of food...
I cook a lot. I get down with fusion cuisine even if the term makes it sound pretentious. Speaking of being pretentious...
I'm an aspiring author, so rare is the night that I'm not found working on a novel. And when I've hit writer's block, I make up for it by writing record reviews. Speaking of music...
I make music of my own when I get a chance to not bother anybody upstairs. When pressed for a description, I'd call it heavy punk rock with a twist of Mancini. You can hate my band by going here:
And to relax, I like to spend some quality time with my sketchbook or a crossword puzzle, drinking bloody marys.
I’m really good at
"I make a good cake and the ladies seem to like me." If you recognize that quote, we'll get along just fine.
I make a mean salsa. My current specialty is a navel orange and jalpeño variety. I also make a marinara that will knock your socks off. Folks of actual Central American or Mediterranean heritage may poo-poo my culinary efforts; I don't know, I haven't asked any of them.
I can also fix a decent cocktail. Just not a Rob Roy, for some reason.

I'm really bad at
Using all of my vegetables and herbs before they go bad. Drawing the same thing twice (which is why I never landed a job at Marvel comics). Being tolerant of shitty, shitty music.
The first things people usually notice about me
Yeah. The beard. Everybody notices the beard. Sometimes, I don't have it, though. Be prepared for that eventuality.
I was twice told about my eyebrows, which was weird.
I don't know. Perhaps I should be chuffed that women are looking at my face. You know, as opposed to that weird Kuato guy growing out of my abdomen. It just makes things awkward when they keep staring at it.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
My favorite author, hands down, is Anthony Burgess.
I like 80s sci-fi, classic horror, and Cold War era spy movies.
TV? If it's animated, British, or about food, chances are that I'll watch it, particularly Archer.
If it's on my phone, it's probably my current favorite record. You can see my record collection here: ... what I've been listening to lately or right now here: ... and my current favorite here:
Lately, I've been listening to a lot of my friends' bands: Joe 4, Nonagon, and CHINA. I think my favorite record ever is Marquee Moon. Either that or Entertainment!. Or Songs About Fucking. Or Special Wishes.
Favorite food? Currently? Oranges. I don't know. Food is a pretty big world. How you going to narrow it down to one thing? My favorite thing that is about food right now is probably
The six things I could never do without
It's a pretty simple list...
My guitar (any of my guitars, really).
My skillet and chef's knife.
Pencils and sketchbook (they kind of go together).
My bike
I spend a lot of time thinking about
My friends, really. I like making art that satisfies my whims and if it impresses my friends, all the better. I like making my friends laugh; I think my jokes suck until they laugh and then I laugh. I really try to impress them with my food and if they don't like it, they can fuck off down to McDonald's.
On a typical Friday night I am
I work at a liquor store at the moment and I'm usually on the schedule for Friday and Saturday nights. After I get off the clock, I usually head over to the 19 Bar to play billiards with my friend. Also, so people can ask me over and over again what I'm doing in a gay bar when I'm straight, because that question never gets old. Then, after that, I usually go to the Asian restaurant where the hostess has come to know me as the octopus and egg roll guy. She still won't let me behind the counter to learn how to make sushi, though, which is a drag.
But my Sundays are always guaranteed to be wide open, so bloody mary o'clock is ten thirty in the morning.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm fairly certain that all blind people are telepathic; thus I try to clear my mind when I'm next to a blind person.
Further, I'm a grown man, I know how to cook, I know what constitutes actual food. I pay attention to my health and the nutritional qualities of what I eat. But if you put a Hot Pocket in front of me, you'll see an empty plate, because that thing's going in my face-hole.
Also? Don't tell anybody, but Daft Punk is playing at my house.
At my house.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 28–38
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
If any of that up there sounds like the kind of guy you want to talk to for a minute, go ahead and message me if you want to meet up for a coffee or a beer.
Be warned, though, I don't consider text-speak to be a language and further, you're an adult with a qwerty keyboard in front of you; 'B4' is not a word, it's a bingo call.
Also? If you message me, you should know that Björk is my future ex-wife. So let's keep it non-committal, ladies. After all, you're just one more stepping stone between me and the Björk-ster.
Oh, and if you're not a cat person, thanks for playing.