Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy


29 M Astoria, NY

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–50
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 5:14pm
Middle Eastern
5′ 9″ (1.75m)
Body Type
Used up
Strictly anything
Not at all
Islam, and laughing about it
Scorpio, but it doesn’t matter
Dropped out of space camp
Science / Engineering
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), Arabic (Okay), Spanish (Okay)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Three things:

1. I have Crohn's disease and I'm currently recovering from minor surgery (Relax, I'm functioning normally and still in one piece). If we initiate contact and you're interested in knowing, I'll share details.

Or, if you're not interested in knowing, I won't. Whatever floats your boat.

2. If I viewed you more than once, it's not because I'm e-stalking you. It's because you either change your pics a lot, or you keep showing up as a statistical match. I'm passing time, and just bored and forgetful.

3. I'm an Agnostic. I "play Muslim" to shut people up because most don't really get the idea of Agnosticism, let alone an Arab Agnostic.
Also, it shuts the parents up, at least temporarily, and helps me avoid useless debates. Ain't nobody got time for that.
If that's a problem for you because of your devotion to whatever religion you may follow, I wish you the best of luck in finding someone who shares your beliefs.

Now that THAT's out of the way…

New York City. The hurricane of humanity. The world's largest outdoor psychiatric ward. Except for a black hole, no other place in the universe so perfectly mirrors the quiet, raging chaos that constantly swirls within the fleshy pile of random crap sitting behind the back of these eyes. With a population density of sixty thousand peopler per square mile, we're practically stepping on each other the minute we step out of bed. Yet these millions of shiny, noisy, constantly moving dots, do little to alleviate the sensation that you may as well be floating in outer space. You know the feeling I'm talking about. That sudden pang of awareness that you're essentially living in an emotional vacuum. Fun, ain't it?

This is my particular story of f*cked up mindless chaos. It's probably not much different than yours. Well, maybe it's slightly more entertaining to watch than that youtube video of the screaming goat. Enjoy.

Now it's time for some random quotes (because nothing represents me better than something someone else said!):

“Ah, computer dating. It’s like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase ‘upside your head’.” -- Bender Bending Rodríguez

"See, to live is to suffer. To survive, well that's to find meaning in the suffering." - DMX

"This is what I want. I want total exhaustion from tasks that are outside of my skill set. I want my determination and anger to focus my energy. This is not an easy way to go, and it might not be good for one's constitution, but at least I don't feel old."
-Henry Rollins

"I'm the product of 6 million years of evolution? Come on, man. I crawled out of a swamp yesterday." - Pete Steele

"I take responsibility for absolutely nothing, except for the fact that I take responsibility for absolutely nothing. Kinda Zen, if you think about it." - Wylie Times, 100 Bullets

and last, but not least: "Chicks = Trouble" - Nikki Sixx, Heroin Diaries

Aggressive, rebellious, intellectual. Born and raised New Yorker (NO! SLEEP! TILL BROOKLYN! \m/>_<\m/...sorry, I'll be normal now.) of Egyptian descent. I do things my way, and make no apologies.

We are all machines. My take on dating is that people are very similar to cars. Just because it looks great, makes all the right noises, and practically floats when you drive it off the lot, doesn't mean that there aren't gremlins under the hood waiting for you to drop your guard. In other words, I believe in taking the time to understand what drives a person, and more importantly, how the inner machinations of their mind aid or impede them in moving forward. If you're not willing to put in a lot more effort than just looking at the paint job, popping open the hood for a few minutes and kicking the tires, you're putting yourself on the road to disaster. I'll stop with the car puns now.

I'm an engineer (explains a lot, right?) and a construction project manager. The phrase, "it can't be done" is not in my vocabulary. Content with my current employment, but I'd like to eventually break into upper management without having to become a workaholic.

I am for the most part a regular "dude", with a regular job, who has not so regular friends and family. I strive to be a better man than I was yesterday, even if only by some minute detail. I have a penchant for being hilariously awkward at just the right (or wrong, depending on your viewpoint) time. Being a walking encyclopedia of 80s and 90s pop culture references doesn't exactly help. Some think it's a gift. I think its just good luck and bad timing.

As for what I'm looking for, Nikki Sixx summed it up in one word - trouble. Just kidding (somewhat), but I'll know it when I see it.

To make a long story short, I have a wide range of music and entertainment tastes. If you're interested in getting to know me, we can discuss the specifics in person. If not, meh, no hard feelings, we all have our preferences.

Oh yeah...and I couldn't give less of a shit about going to the gym or working out if I was constipated for three straight days. Just letting you know in advance.

That's all folks. Good night, and good luck.


skype: theaceofsams (never would've guessed it, huh?)
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Everything better than you're doing it…but seriously, "I'm just some fucking guy."
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Out-swimming land sharks.

Karaoke and Open mic nights.

Chokin' a bitch. ("I make Bryant Gumbel look like Malcolm X, huh muthafucka?!?!")

Kung fu fighting. My kicks are fast as lightning.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Shouldn't that be saved for in person discussion?
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Chainsaw nunchaku. (Yes, it's a thing. Google it.) On a more serious note:

My parents.
My friends.
My GUI-TAR! *Axl Rose serpentine*
Free information and the internet. Thank you, libraries, wikipedia and
A good education, with which I've been blessed.
My car - which was recently wrecked. Working on getting a new one.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
doing a lot of this in Woodside:
Kidding. I promise. =)
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
`\_(o_o)_/` <---*shrugs*
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You've noticed that none of my pics were selfies (you can see both my arms in all of them), and are (mostly) taken with real cameras, not smartphones.

You can manage to write a profile without using the word "awesome" or any of it's conjugations.

You're ManBearPig. I'm being super serial. I'm coming for you, ManBearPig. Al Gore was just the warmup. Prepare yourself.

You've got soul, but you're not a soldier.

These pretzels are making you thirsty.

Your profile isn't so common and generic (see previous note about using the word "awesome") that I could buy a 30-pack of you on sale at Costco. It helps if it isn't filled with cliches that are as lame as Night Court in it's 5th season.

You love the taste of Schweddy Balls and you're an expert cork soaker.

You've caught all the references in this profile. You will be expected to list all of them. In reverse chronological order. While doing a keg-stand. You will be deducted half a point for every misspelled word. Just kidding, you'll be deducted a full point for every misspelled word.

Or, you're bored and feel like it. I'm not exactly going anywhere for a while...