TL,DR; I don't want to have cyber-sex or phone-sex, or a one-night-stand. I do want amusing anecdotes about toasters.
---

I'm Aly.
I smoke too much tobacco, I drink too much coffee, I laugh too loud and I hug too hard.
I have my own wizard robes, because sometimes it is time to be a wizard.
You LIKE it.

My friends tell me I am wise, funny, and adorable.
I've been known to be late for social gatherings because I was distracted by playing with my (relatively large) collection of small toy cars and trains.

I'm an optimist, I like bright colours and positive thinking.
(And coffee, in vast quantities.)
I'm a hedonist - I enjoy pleasure for the sake of pleasure, and I do things just because I like to do things. Similarly, I spend time with people whose company I enjoy simply because I enjoy their company. However, I do have a very low tolerance for drama, and anyone who causes it unnecessarily.

I rarely know what day of the week it is at any given moment, and I often forget to keep a diurnal sleeping-pattern. (Mostly because I think coffee and cigarettes are acceptable substitutes for food and sleep.)
I have a bad habit of staring wistfully out of the window, looking like I'd rather be elsewhere. (But usually I am just thinking about smoking. Or penguins. Or penguins smoking.)
I have a penchant for the ridiculous and the nonsensical.
I have been accused of being "an accidental hipster" by InternetPixie.

If you are put off by long words, read no further - we're not compatible. (Unless you have some incredibly funny stories about toasters, teapots, or marbles.)

LABELS:
I'm not very good at labelling my relationships, relationships are dynamic, labels aren't.

However, I appear to be in a relationship with Naughty_Dog, and I've never been in a happier, more functional relationship.

I'm not entirely sure of the appropriate label for InternetPixie. She's my bestie-pal, who keeps all my secrets and knows everything I do, sometimes before I do it.
"A part-time lover, and a full-time friend", is probably the best way to describe it.

As for me, I'm polyamorous, bisexual, heterosocial, and gender-fluid.
/LABELS.

Ideally, what I'm looking for is someone who is verbose and shares my interest in both FireFly and Discworld, and who wants to make pan-galactic-gargle-blasters with me.
I'm not especially looking for anything romantic, but I'm very much for up for hanging out, getting wasted, and having fun.

---
Things I sometimes like to do, in no particular order:
Going out for dinner and movie.
Baking, reading, writing, painting.
Drinking bourbon, drinking beer, rolling spliffs, smoking spliffs.
Dancing, going for long strolls, smoking cigars.
Lying in bed talking til the wee hours of the morning.
I also get a kick out of mending things, planning surprises to make people smile, and themed social events.
---
If you are strongly opposed to people smoking cannabis, you probably shouldn't message me, and you certainly shouldn't message me if you care about social status.
Oh, and if you voted Tory in the last election, you can fuck off and drown yourself while you bathe in baby's blood, or whatever it is that Tories do in their spare time - I presume it is bathing in the blood of babies, or possibly hoarding the houses from a game of monopoly and cackling manically whilst throwing them at homeless people.

Smoking, drinking, writing, singing.
Attending to my medical conditions.
Perpetually shaking off a hang-over.
Trying not to worry too much about superfluous things.
Making my flat look more like a tree-house and less like a flat.

Err, as of now, I'm studying an Open University course.
It is called "Molecules, Medicines, and Drugs: A Chemical Story".
It's only a ten credit openings course, but molecular chemistry is fascinating, and because it is a short openings course, the textbook is mostly written in layman's terms.
I doubt I'll do anything with it, I'm just doing it for funsies.

-Making up nonsense.
-Remembering quotes, but forgetting who I'm quoting.
(I'll be honest, it is usually InternetPixie.)
-Baking.
-Contagious enthusiasm.
-Seeming confident.
-Rolling.
-Giving the impression that I really hate people the first time I meet them.

Things I'm really bad at:
Being on time for anything, ever.
Recognising sarcasm.
Being reasonable.
Being tidy.

That I'm surrounded by a cloud of smoke, and that my hair is the kind of red that only comes out of a bottle.

That they've just heard me shout "STOP! GRAMMAR TIME!" and that I've just spilled coffee all over everything/everyone.

Written Words
I use reading as a form of escapism, so I like stories that are easy to get completely engrossed in, and have a happy ending. I'll read most anything as long as it meets those requirements.

I like The DiscWorld series by Terry Pratchett and everything I've read by Douglas Adams. And a bunch of other stuff nobody cares about.

The only non-fiction books I've read in the last three years are She Comes First by Ian Kerner, and The Folklore of the Discworld, which I'm not sure counts.
Oh, and I just started reading Voltaire's Philosophical Dictionary, which is incredibly entertaining.

Moving Pictures.
I'm a big fan of the work of Hiyao Miyazaki. I love RiffTrax, it vastly improves many films. I like children's films and most anything a with happy ending. My current obsession is FireFly. No, I haven't read the graphic novels, but I will if you loan me them.

Nice Noises.
I'm capable of discerning what is technically good, and what is trash, but that doesn't mean that my taste in music is credible, and I never pretend it is. I like a bunch of terrible shit, have a soft-spot for pop-punk from the late nineties.

I listen to a lot of music by Tom Waits, and I always have the soundtrack to My Neighbour Totoro on my playlist.

I like some stuff from most genres of music. I like everything from "Gilbert and Sullivan" to "The Offspring" to "Electric Wizard" to "The Cat Empire" to "Albert Collins and the Ice-Breakers" to "Bright Eyes". And of course, not forgetting folk metal, which is a genre not many seem to enjoy.

Currently I'm listening to LOTS of the Cat Empire.
Young man, I'll show you some rhythm! ;)

Sustenance!
I have many allergies. So anything Aly-friendly and yummy.

I really enjoy baking, and have just learned how to make coffee-flavoured butter-icing. I have eaten little else since. ^_________^

Bagels are the food of the Gods, especially when filled with bacon and avocado. (Well, that and vegan-friendly ice-cream.)

I also eat a lot of toast because I'm lazy and like to snack.

Stimulants
(Such as coffee, cigarettes, and the occasional Pro-Plus.)
Shower Facilities
Meds
Physical affection
Snacks
Music that fits my mood.

I'd either be dead or in hospital if I went too long without meds, shower facilities, or stimulants. I'd just be a grumpy bitch without the others.

Myself, and other things relating to that, like whether I should make cookies, and if I have enough ingredients to do so.

I dedicate significant amounts of time to thinking about what I can do to cheer people up when they are sad. Sometimes this involves seemingly-impossible tasks like learning how to make vegan pancakes, but mostly it is simple things like making cards, or giving hugs. .

I also spend more time thinking about penguins than most people do.

I mentally make lists and lists, and lists of lists, of house-work that needs to be completed by a certain time, then ignore them completely and get engrossed in something completely unproductive instead. Like that time I spent six hours reading about oxytocin, despite having no prior knowledge of brain-chemistry.

Painting the walls, getting high and eating cereal.
Or similar activities, for example, last weekend I spent a significant amount of time playing with chalk pastels and looking up quotes about rainbows.

Sometimes I go on dates, and very occasionally I get the urge to go out and dance in a dark room with strangers.

I used to go to Group Therapy, and make inappropriate jokes that nobody laughed at.

It's a family tradition to listen exclusively to a CD called "Christmas with the Smurfs" during THE season.
(You know, the one in which one is supposed to be jolly and deck the bows with holly* in.)
*Holly- the plant. Not a person named Holly, I'm not THAT mean.

If at least ONE of the following apply to you:

-You will write me a story about toaster(s).
-You are quick-witted and like to make puns.
-You like to drink vast quantities of coffee in fancy coffee shops and want some company.
-You are happy to talk about FireFly or Discworld all day long.
-You like to come up with fantastical and nonsensical theories to explain ordinary everyday things. Like how washing-powder works. (Fairies! Tiny, tiny, tiny, fairies. Hundreds of them.)
-You think we have something in common, want to take me on a date, or have a sesh. (And if you don't know what "having a sesh" is, then you probably wouldn't enjoy one...)
-You know how to make, and want to share the knowledge, of Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters.
-You are Kaywinnit Lee Frye and you want to make all my dreams come true.... Except the one about suffocating in a sleeping bag, that's not cool.