Man, you're tiny. Really small. I mean...how are you even on this site? How do you even use a computer? I'm genuinely impressed that you've managed to navigate to my page, unless you just wandered along and it was open, in which case it's sort of impressive that you can read something that's 1000 times your size. I know you can lift forty times your own weight, but that's what, like a pea? Reading this website is way more impressive than that!
Thank you for participating in that thought experiment with me. I feel like we've both learned so much about each other.
(if that wasn't sufficient, here are the essentials: straight, polyamorous, cisgendered male, full-time author.)
CURRENT BEARD STATUS: Brown and neatly trimmed.