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TheBlueBeard

27 Brooklyn, NY Man

Man

I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 18–35
  • Near me
  • For new friends, short-term dating, casual sex

My Details

Last Online
Feb 26
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
Height
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Atheism
Sign
Education
Job
Art / Music / Writing
Income
Status
Single
Type
Offspring
Pets
Speaks
English (Fluently)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm an Aussie who just landed in NYC!

Recently realized that my job (author) means that I'm not tied to any particular city or location, and so I'm seeing the world and trying to find if anywhere is a better fit for me than Melbourne. So far NYC is rocking pretty hard!

I'm here until 19th of March and hoping to meet some fun folk during that time who are keen to hang out and show me the best of what New York has to offer.

(my Melb profile Turtle-Logic has a bunch more info if you want to know a bit more about me!)
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
At home, I'm a full-time author who also runs comedy shows and is (slowly) getting a radio sitcom up and running! I also play a bunch of board games, and I'm hoping to have my own up on Kickstarter before we're halfway through the year.

I'm used to being busy, basically. This is my first time travelling overseas, and Oh My God I'm So Excited.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Turning people into safari animals. It was once a blessing...recently, I feel it has become a curse.

My friends didn't understand it. "Who wants to be turned into a safari animal?", they would ask, and so I invited them to watch me as I work.

That was where it all went wrong.

Clients would come in, asking to be turned into a lion, or a giraffe, or sometimes even a hippopotamus. I'd ask for a gold coin donation, and then I'd get to work. Ten minutes later, there would be a small pile of clothes on the ground and a new animal stalking the streets of Melbourne.

At first, my friends were weirded out. But then they saw it - the joy that my clients got from the transformation, from the change. As a safari animal, they never had to worry about mortgage rates or pick-up lines - they just had to follow their new animal instincts, living life in a way that we humans can't even comprehend.

Inevitably, one of my friends - Tom - decided he wanted to try it. He asked me to help him leave his human life and see how he fared as a zebra. I was reluctant - no children, no friends, that was my rule - but Tom was very persuasive. He told me about the rough time he'd been having, and how seeing me work had awoken something inside of him. He offered me anything - his car, his house, his mint condition Charizard foil.

Finally, I yielded. I told him I'd transform him, but only for a gold coin donation (I can't accept anything more than that, for reasons too complex to go into here) and the promise that if he wasn't happy, he'd return.

Tom never came back.

After that, it was Gavin. Then Kate. Laura Jane, Andrew, Eden, Tom (different Tom)...all of them wanted to be transformed, to abandon humanity and become safari animals.

I did it, of course. Maybe I'm just a sucker, or maybe it was the look of desperation in their eyes. Their two-dollar coins (my friends are generous) clinked into the jar, their clothes fell to the floor, and they scampered (or, in Kate's case, flew) away, never to be seen again.

Whenever I make a new friend, I have one condition: You can ask me about my hobby, but you can never watch me work. I've lost too many friends already - I don't think I could handle losing another.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
-Fear
-Surprise
-Ruthless efficiency
-An almost fanatical devotion to the pope
-Nice red uniforms

...hang on, I'll come in again.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
If I'm wearing them, my pink pants.

If I'm not, probably the fact that I'm not wearing pants.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You are happy to show a wide-eyed Australian around what is commonly considered the best city in the world. Especially if you share that opinion (I like enthusiasm!)

Also if you like beards (particularly those of the "blue" variety).