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TheCryptomancer

30 M Pittsford, NY

My Details

Last Online
Mar 12
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 2″ (1.88m)
Body Type
A little extra
Diet
Strictly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Religion
Atheism, and very serious about it
Sign
Libra, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from masters program
Job
Technology
Income
$100,000–$150,000
Relationship Status
Seeing Someone
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Speaks
English, Russian (Poorly), C++ (Fluently)

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My self-summary
I shall endeavor to answer this vaguely imperious demand for self-identifying information using the epitome of fact-friendly formatting…the bulleted list!!!...! I shall do so because this obviates the necessity of creating a compelling narrative structure and thus facilitates my natural laziness, huzzah!

• I am large and cuddly, like a bear, but without the mauling and killing and tree climbing ability.
• I enjoy philosophizing about life, the universe and everything, but I remain perversely unsatisfied with answers that can be expressed as integers.
• I endeavor to escape reality through fantasy/sci-fi books and movies. Basically anything that takes place in the past or the future. The present sucks; I mean, we don’t have magic OR flying cars. Honestly I’m not sure how any of us make it through the day.
• I like computers and all things digital. Analog things are too…sinusoidal. Bleh!
• I possess a pronounced proclivity toward superfluous grandiloquence in my diction.
• I am an avid Simpsons and Futurama aficionado. I even have an altar to Matt Groening (in the form of having every Simpsons/Futurama episode on my computer).
• My sense of humor runs the gamut from the facetious to the sardonic. Yes, that whole gamut, impressive I know.
• Ostensibly I’m Jewish, and I cling to that heritage just enough to defend the claim that I can make bad puns with impunity.
• Ostensibly I’m Russian, and I cling to that heritage just enough to defend the claim that I can drink vodka with impunity. Reality tends to impinge upon that claim more than I’d like though.
• I have a tendency to go on long, passionate pontifications on recondite matters of geeky esoterica, such as why Dungeons and Dragons 4th edition is the end of the world as we know it, or why this generation of video game consoles is the end of the world as we know it.
• I’m a wannabe intellectual, in the sense that my mind contains an amalgam of random facts on variegated topics and I wanna ascribe a fancy word to that.
• I’m a bit of a curmudgeon and I tend to rant vociferously about “kids these days” replete with the obligatory “back in my day” fist shaking.

Also, here’s what SparkNotes’ personality test says about me (This is their version of INTJ for you Meyers-Briggs traditionalists):

You are a JUDGE (Dominant Introverted Concrete Thinker). Your affinity for facts and analytical approach to life help you solve complex problems and make tough decisions that others cannot. But don't think that you don't act irrationally a lot of the time. You jump into arguments and hold grudges like crazy. You could probably use some love. While some may see you as a bit overbearing and arrogant, your friends know that you are a trustworthy person with depth and a strong sense of righteousness. Although you are introverted and somewhat reserved, you have a forceful personality that your friends appreciate and your enemies fear. God help them. God help all of us.

SERIOUS NOTE: My job allows me to work from home and thus I can live anywhere. When embarking on my quest for the holy geek (see below) I realized that I might have to adventure far and wide, and brave the perilous perils of the TSA or the state police to ultimately succeed. Thus if I contact you and you're thinking something along the lines of "This guy seems to be within acceptable parameters, but he's in Rochester, NY, WTF?", just reply anyway. Distance can be overcome; (the potential for) love conquers all, etc...etc...
What I’m doing with my life
When not gallantly embarking on what I dub my Quest for the Holy Geek, I work from home as a computer security researcher. Thus I am engaged in a quixotic quest for true geek love whilst also saving the world from evil hackers.
I’m really good at
• Passionately pontificating on matters about which you care not a whit and still making you laugh
• Exorcising pernicious bugs from computers and other digital technology
• Infusing social situations with a much needed touch of awkwardness
• Spending too much time thinking up passably witty responses to dating site profile questions
• Grandiloquence
The first things people usually notice about me
I am stymied in my ability to answer this question by my crippling lack of telepathy.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
• Books (well, authors): RA Salvatore, Raymond E Feist, Terry Brooks, Frank Herbert, Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman, Robert E Howard.
• Movies (well, genres): Fantasy/sci-fi, intellectual/action, Chinese martial arts movies and military epics, superhero movies, some comedies.
• Shows: The Simpsons, Futurama, South Park, The IT Crowd. I don't watch much TV honestly.
• Music: Metallica, Disturbed, Dragonforce, Nightwish, Epica, Amberian Dawn, Pythia, Apocalyptica.
• Food: Chinese, pizza, burgers, chicken, pasta, just about anything sweet.
The six things I could never do without
• Love
• My computer
• The Internet
• Good RPGs
• Mass-market paperback books
• Bulleted lists
I spend a lot of time thinking about
• The unfathomable depths of human stupidity.
• The paradox of individually iconoclastic people who when banded together immediately adopt the hive mind they rant so vitriolically against.
• Bemoaning the paucity of people who possess the power of independent thought and critical thinking skills.
• The manifold mysteries of life, like why are we here? Are we alone in the universe? And where the hell did I put my damn wallet? I *swear* I saw that fucking thing a minute ago!
On a typical Friday night I am
Well...I don't know about you, but I don't magically transmogrify on Friday nights to become someone completely different. Oh...oh! What am I *doing*? Well, why didn't you say so?! Damn...poorly worded question...
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have a debilitating fear of admitting private things. Of course, if this were true, I wouldn't be able to admit it would I? Or perhaps I overcame it just enough to post it here. Hmm...mystery heaped upon mystery.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 25–33
  • Located anywhere
  • Who are single
  • For new friends
You should message me if
You like this enchanting tale.

The Quest for the Holy Geek

The year…is 2013

The place… is the (too often) frozen hinterlands of Rochester, where the last crumbling vestiges of a once proud, but now forgotten civilization slumber, forlornly awaiting the light of reason to shine once again, and banish the terror-stricken paranoia that vanquished it.

Join our intrepid champion on his quixotic and probably ultimately futile quest to find! …what’s mentioned in the title.

Our hero starts his adventure at Computer Castle where the noble Windows Wizards and Software Sorceresses do battle against the horrendous Hacker Hellions (while the Linux Luminaries look on in indomitable indifference). Our plucky protagonist bravely does battle with these wicked fiends using his Staff of Fire Wall and Intrusion Detection Wards and lo! They are vanquished, and peace reigns once again.

Then the gallant geek seeker stumbles upon the dreaded Cave…of RELIGIOSITY! He is immediately assailed by mythical bearded white men who bombard him with creepily specific sex advice and deplorable ideas concerning the treatment of women and slaves. But our hero stands strong against their ancient and obsolete ideologies and defeats them with his mighty Protection from Stupidity and Word of Reason spells. The bearded white men are then banished back to the realm of myth and fairy tale…where they belong.

Finally the audacious adventurer strides victoriously into the fey land of love where awaits for him the most holiest of geeks, the queen amongst her kind, whose discovery had been prophesized since the dawn of time (the time of the creation of this narrative anyway). The two embraced, and did other things the descriptions of which are ill suited for a general audience, and happiness reigned in the world of them, and life was good.