Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I shall endeavor to answer this vaguely imperious demand for
self-identifying information using the epitome of fact-friendly
formatting…the bulleted list!!!...! I shall do so because this
obviates the necessity of creating a compelling narrative structure
and thus facilitates my natural laziness, huzzah!
• I am large and cuddly, like a bear, but without the mauling and
killing and tree climbing ability.
• I enjoy philosophizing about life, the universe and everything,
but I remain perversely unsatisfied with answers that can be
expressed as integers.
• I endeavor to escape reality through fantasy/sci-fi books,
movies, and video games. Basically anything that takes place in the
past or the future. The present sucks; I mean, we don’t have magic
OR flying cars. Honestly I’m not sure how any of us make it through
• I possess a pronounced proclivity toward superfluous
grandiloquence in my diction.
• My sense of humor runs the gamut from the facetious to the
sardonic. Yes, that whole gamut, impressive I know.
• Ostensibly I’m Jewish, and I cling to that heritage just enough
to defend the claim that I can make bad puns with impunity.
• Ostensibly I’m Russian, and I cling to that heritage just enough
to defend the claim that I can drink vodka with impunity.
• I have a tendency to go on long, passionate pontifications on
recondite matters of geeky esoterica, such as why Dungeons and
Dragons 4th edition is the end of the world as we know it, or why
this generation of video game consoles is the end of the world as
we know it.
• I’m a wannabe intellectual, in the sense that my mind contains an
amalgam of random facts on variegated topics and I wanna ascribe a
fancy word to that.
• I’m a bit of a curmudgeon and I tend to rant vociferously about
“kids these days” replete with the obligatory “back in my day” fist
Also, here’s what SparkNotes’ personality test says about me (This
is their version of INTJ for you Meyers-Briggs
You are a JUDGE (Dominant Introverted Concrete Thinker). Your
affinity for facts and analytical approach to life help you solve
complex problems and make tough decisions that others cannot. But
don't think that you don't act irrationally a lot of the time. You
jump into arguments and hold grudges like crazy. You could probably
use some love. While some may see you as a bit overbearing and
arrogant, your friends know that you are a trustworthy person with
depth and a strong sense of righteousness. Although you are
introverted and somewhat reserved, you have a forceful personality
that your friends appreciate and your enemies fear. God help them.
God help all of us.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
When not gallantly embarking on what I dub my Quest for the Holy
Geek, I work from home as a computer security researcher. Thus I am
engaged in a quixotic quest for true geek love whilst also saving
the world from evil hackers.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
• Passionately pontificating on matters about which you care not a
whit and still making you laugh
• Exorcising pernicious bugs from computers and other digital
• Infusing social situations with a much needed touch of
• Spending too much time thinking up passably witty responses to
dating site profile questions
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I am stymied in my ability to answer this question by my crippling
lack of telepathy.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
• Books (well, authors): RA Salvatore, Raymond E Feist, Terry
Brooks, Frank Herbert, Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman, Robert E
• Movies (well, genres): Fantasy/sci-fi, intellectual/action,
Chinese martial arts movies and military epics, superhero movies,
• Shows: The Simpsons, Futurama, South Park, The IT Crowd. I don't
watch much TV honestly.
• Music: Metallica, Disturbed, Dragonforce, Nightwish, Epica,
Amberian Dawn, Pythia, Apocalyptica, Lindsey Stirling.
• Food: Chinese, pizza, burgers, chicken, pasta, just about
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
• My computer
• The Internet
• Good RPGs
• Mass-market paperback books
• Bulleted lists
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
• The unfathomable depths of human stupidity.
• The paradox of individually iconoclastic people who when banded
together immediately adopt the hive mind they rant so vitriolically
• Bemoaning the paucity of people who possess the power of
independent thought and critical thinking skills.
• The manifold mysteries of life, like why are we here? Are we
alone in the universe? And where the hell did I put my damn wallet?
I *swear* I saw that fucking thing a minute ago!
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Well...I don't know about you, but I don't magically transmogrify
on Friday nights to become someone completely different. Oh...oh!
What am I *doing*? Well, why didn't you say so?! Damn...poorly
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have a debilitating fear of admitting private things. Of course,
if this were true, I wouldn't be able to admit it would I? Or
perhaps I overcame it just enough to post it here. Hmm...mystery
heaped upon mystery.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You like this enchanting tale.
The Quest for the Holy Geek
The year…is 2015
The place… is the (too often) frozen hinterlands of Boston, where
the last crumbling vestiges of a once proud, but now forgotten
civilization slumber, forlornly awaiting the light of reason to
shine once again, and banish the terror-stricken paranoia that
Join our intrepid champion on his quixotic and probably ultimately
futile quest to find! …what’s mentioned in the title.
Our hero starts his adventure at Computer Castle where the noble
Windows Wizards and Software Sorceresses do battle against the
horrendous Hacker Hellions (while the Linux Luminaries look on in
indomitable indifference). Our plucky protagonist bravely does
battle with these wicked fiends using his Staff of Fire Wall and
Intrusion Detection Wards and lo! They are vanquished, and peace
reigns once again.
Then the gallant geek seeker stumbles upon the dreaded Cave…of
RELIGIOSITY! He is immediately assailed by mythical bearded white
men who bombard him with creepily specific sex advice and
deplorable ideas concerning the treatment of women and slaves. But
our hero stands strong against their ancient and obsolete
ideologies and defeats them with his mighty Protection from
Stupidity and Word of Reason spells. The bearded white men are then
banished back to the realm of myth and fairy tale…where they
Finally the audacious adventurer strides victoriously into the fey
land of love where awaits for him the most holiest of geeks, the
queen amongst her kind, whose discovery had been prophesized since
the dawn of time (the time of the creation of this narrative
anyway). The two embraced, and did other things the descriptions of
which are ill suited for a general audience, and happiness reigned
in the world of them, and life was good.
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