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TheDiscordian

38 Phoenix, AZ Man

Man

I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 18–45
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, short-term dating, casual sex

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 10:06pm
Orientation
Bisexual
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 8″ (1.73m)
Body Type
A little extra
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Other, and laughing about it
Sign
Virgo, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Dropped out of space camp
Job
Art / Music / Writing
Income
$20,000–$30,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Pets
Speaks
English (Fluently), German (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Writer (published), editor (punishing), , friend (undiscovered), pictured (unphotogenic), lover (unbeli... nah, I won't put that.)

Until recently, my job was to fix extremely bad writing by extremely stupid people. If you do send a message try to send one that doesn't require too much proofreading.

I'm not looking for anything serious any time soon. That doesn't mean I wouldn't be open to a meaningful connection with someone, but it does mean that it would probably be a year or two before a relationship would be considered 'serious.' I would much prefer to keep things friendly and see where it goes than make the mistake of trying to force a relationship to develop.

If I happen to visit your profile multiple times without sending a message then I am likely checking to see if anything new and interesting has been added to the profile that might inspire me to send a message. Either that or your profile is so boring that I don't remember visiting it.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
No longer working at a job I didn't particularly like for too little money. Enjoying a better career and finding more inspiration to write well enough to be published under my own pseudonym instead of for hire writing.

I'm finally back to losing weight. There's no special pills, foods, books, plans, soups, meals, or tricks involved, just eating less and exercising more. Walking for groceries, eating only what I can carry back from the store, and semi-regular yoga in conjunction with eating less is doing wonders.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Creative writing, bad puns, creating social awkwardness, dancing poorly, cooking, slowly losing weight in a healthy manner, and forepl (nah, I won't put that either).

I write mainly comic fantasy and humorous short stories, but I am also working on a few novels. I also write erotica, usually custom pieces for friends and lovers. I'm finally at a point where I'm earning a bit of cash with my stories and hopefully I'll have my first novel published soon.

I enjoy cooking and baking, and sometimes go through great effort and expense to make something special for someone. I enjoy cooking far more when it's for someone else, when I cook for myself I usually stick to the basics. I make amazing pancakes that say both, "Last night was great, lets do it again" and "Sorry about that, that's never happened to me before." The kitchen in my apartment is inadequate for many of the things I would enjoy making, so I'm fairly limited in my current experimentations.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My spiffy hat, my blue eyes, my threadbare wardrobe, and some indescribable thing that makes them feel a bit uncomfortable.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
My tastes are esoteric and ever broadening. As long as it's good I'll enjoy it. Whatever it is, chances are that I've touched it, tasted it, heard it, smelled it, dropped it, read it, felt it, played with it or broken it. However, due to a poor memory I'm always willing to experience things again.

I enjoy listening to NPR, it's usually what's on when I'm driving somewhere. The shows I typically listen to, that aren't specifically news oriented, are Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, This American Life, Car Talk, A Prairie Home Companion, From The Top, and The Splendid Table.

I read mostly science fiction, fantasy and humorist books. I'm currently working on collecting all of the Discworld books by Pratchett, including the Tiffany Aching books. I read a lot of classic science fiction; Bradbury, Heinlein, Asimov, Niven, and others. If I'm interested in a book outside of these genre I'll pick it up at the library instead of the book store. I've got limited space to store books at the moment, and they're heavy to take with when moving.

I enjoy video games that include exploration, discovery, puzzle and RPG elements. I also enjoy tower defense style games. A few games I'm currently playing are GTA IV, Dungeons of Dredmor, Legend of Grimrock, Terraria, Magicka and Tribes: Ascend. I'm not currently involved in an MMO. There will probably have to be a major genre changing development before I get deeply involved in another MMO. (Note: If you're one of those individuals who feels that video games are competition for attention then you should work on becoming a more interesting person . Maybe get a hobby of your own.)

I'll eat just about anything, but lately my diet has been to stick to healthier foods and avoid anything too heavy and to keep away from fast food. If I find something particularly pleasing when I'm sampling dishes somewhere I'll attempt to make it at home. I don't always succeed, and sometimes I fail magnificently. I tend to keep a twenty on hand to pay for pizza if I end up with an inedible mess while cooking something new for company. The only thing I'm picky about eating is fish, it has to be very fresh or I find it unpalatable. I mean really fresh. I'll bring a live tilapia home and fillet it myself rather than buy fresh fillets at the store.

I typically only watch television as a social activity. Much of what I do watch is online from streaming services. Sci-fi shows, documentaries, cooking shows (real cooking shows, not the reality TV versions), and some of the Discovery Channel shows top the list. I tend to wait for the end of a series and watch the whole thing on DVD/streaming rather than watch weekly episodes. I prefer to schedule my week around friends rather than television. I'm not adverse to hanging out to watch weekly shows with friends; as I said, I watch television as a social activity.

My musical tastes are varied and esoteric. Typically I prefer music with complex harmonies and melodies and lyrics that are creatively written and symbolic. I enjoy music from all genre, everything from a cappella to zydeco. To offer an idea of how varied my tastes are here is a copy of my Pandora seed list: 'Weird Al' Yankovic, 3 Doors Down, Adam Sandler, Adele, Art Tatum, Avenue Q: Original Broadway Cast, B.B. King & Eric Clapton, Barenaked Ladies, BeauSoleil, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, Billie Holiday, Blues Traveler, Bob Marley, Bond, Bruno Mars, Buddy Holly, Cage The Elephant, Cherry Poppin' Daddies, Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, Da Vinci's Notebook, Danny Elfman, Death Cab For Cutie, Elvis Presley, Flatt & Scruggs, Frou Frou, Giant Panda Guerilla Dub Squad, Hayseed Dixie, Incubus, Into The Woods (Original Broadway Cast), Jet, John Lee Hooker, John Williams (Composer), Johnny Cash, Kiss, Kurt Elling, Led Zeppelin, Lowrider, Mannheim Steamroller, Matthew Ebel, Meat Loaf, Monty Python, Motion City Soundtrack, Muddy Waters, Muse, Neil Patrick Harris, Never Shout Never, Owl City, Pinetop Perkins, Pink Floyd, Queen, Ray Charles, Rockapella, Royal Crown Revue, Saffire - The Uppity Blues Women, Santana, Squirrel Nut Zippers, Steve Martin, The Bloodhound Gang, The Presidents Of The United States Of America, They Might Be Giants, Toadsuck Symphony, Todd Snider, Toxic Audio, Trans-Siberian Orchestra, Tripod, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Zac Brown Band.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
A computer with high speed internet access (and all the joys and offenses it brings).
Intelligent discussion (with others, not the voices in my head).
Imagination (my imagination, the imagination of others, just about anyone's imagination).
Artistic creativity (see imagination).
Friendly people with whom to exchange bodily fluids.
New challenges and experiences.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Writing. What I should write. Who I'm going to write about. Where the time went after I've been writing. When I'm going to write. Why I'm not writing now. How I need to finish editing more stuff to get published under my own name.

Why OKCupid keeps recommending people with a higher enemy rating than match rating.

Why I have more 90+% matches with lesbians than any other group.

How I got a bunch of ads on OKCupid to show up in Spanish.

How many of these OKCupid profiles are complete bullshit. Am I
being too critical when I find something I consider a "red flag" or are there really that many people blatantly lying in their
profiles? I've seen profiles that claim they started their
professional career at thirteen years old and others who say they are an English major but have no concept of spelling or
grammar.

If I should try to become President of the United States. If I ran
I probably wouldn't win, but it would be one hell of a fun time
trying.

About people with a 100% enemy rating. How fucked in the head is that person?

Why I need to rate twenty-five people to "complete" my profile. What if I don't want to rate people? What if I find an arbitrary five star system to be dehumanizing and insulting? What if I just don't feel like picking out twenty-five poor bastards to put under the microscope? Fuck it, does anyone want to volunteer to be rated? I won't be kind about it, but I will be honest.

Well crap, the number of people to rate went up to fifty and I'm all out of volunteers. I guess I'll have to start looking for bad profiles to rate. So be warned all you posters of falsified and misleading profiles, you're all getting a one rating. Show pics with lots of leg and cleavage and then bitch about how you're not looking for sex, you get a one. Claim to be a professional/writer/college educated while offering a profile full of poor spelling and grammar, you get a one. State how great you are in bed and how much you enjoy sex but your profile questions reek of prudery, you get a one.

Son of a bitch! I reached the fifty ratings required to "complete" my profile and now OkCupid wants fifty more! Is it even possible to "complete" a profile? This is almost as much of a pain in the ass as completing a Linkedin profile.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Exploring Phoenix bike trails, exercising, yoga, entertaining company, making pizza from scratch, drinking good scotch/bourbon/whiskey, studying text books, watching a documentary, or playing a video game.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I admit nothing! Okay, uh, I kissed a girl and I liked it? No? Um, she was a cousin? First cousin? Still not enough? It wasn't on the lips?

Hrm... I shot my profile pic on a cellphone? I once shot an elephant in my pajamas? (How an elephant got in my pajamas I'll never know.) I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy? I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die?

I need your help. I can't tell you what it is, you can never ask me about it later, and we're gonna hurt some people. I need a Sino-logic 16, Sogo 7 Data Gloves, a GPL stealth module, one Burdine intelligent translator. I need your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle. I need a pilot program for a P-212 helicopter. I need ya, Decks. This is a bad one, the worst yet. I need the old blade runner, I need your magic.

Still not private enough? Picky people! How about, I won a Fleshlight in a penis pic contest! (Don't get too excited, it was a random drawing, not a judged contest.)
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You want to have a drink, have dinner, have dinner cooked for you, compare recipes, watch a movie, share a story, exchange manuscripts, relax with a hookah, hang out, hook up, or go to the zoo or a museum. I'm looking to build social circles, find a few people I can consider real friends, and get laid on a regular basis; if you're interested in any of that, let me know.

If you're looking for a workout partner. Someone to get hot and sweaty with, then maybe do some yoga, go for a jog, or a long bike ride.

If you know of any good bike trails or want a riding buddy. I've got a map of local trails but a map doesn't tell you which trails are the most fun.

If you want to have sex in the rain. (A rare occurrence in Phoenix I know, but if you have never tried it you're missing out.)

I'm interested in joining a writer's workshop that focuses on offering constructive criticism and increasing writing skills through positive feedback.

I'm also interested in joining a tabletop RPG group that meets regularly. The game system is less important than it being about role playing rather than hack and slash. No munchkin groups need apply.

If you want to laugh at people with mirror pics on their profile. Seriously, I'm amazed how many people don't realize that their camera has a timer. Bathroom lighting is not good photograph lighting, people! We can also laugh at all the people making duck lips.

You're a photographer who thinks they're up to the challenge of taking an accurate picture of unphotogenic me. I couldn't pay you, but maybe we could work something else out...

I really didn't think that I'd have to add this, but here's a list of people who shouldn't message me...

People who are just trying to get their ten "contact someone new" goal completed. If you're not at least semi-serious about exchanging messages then don't bother. Find one of the profiles with 100 words, twenty profile questions answered, and a pic of a chick with a tiny skirt and big teats. They'll probably respond with spam, but at least you won't be harassing a real person.

People with nothing to say. Seriously, I know it sounds cliche and that a ton of other profiles have this same request, but stop it with the pointless one liners. Whatever brainless pickup line you're using, just don't... Yes, the "I'm looking for" part lists casual sex as an interest, but that does not mean "random hookup with a stranger." It means casual, as in sex with someone I know and enjoy spending time with but without all the drama that comes from clumping sex together with far too premature marriage planning. I'm not even sure why I keep getting these kinds of messages, it's not as if I'm rich, hung or extremely attractive.

I don't know why I bothered to type out all of the "don't message me if" stuff. Those people who send mindless messages? It turns out they don't read profiles. I shoulda known. Ohwell, more fodder for the one star ratings.