Her journal posts
May 11, 2009
So I've noticed that common things to post as turn-on in profiles
on this site (and probably many other dating sites) are statements
"Confidence is a big turn-on"
"I like a woman who makes me laugh"
"Self assured women turn me on."
All of these are great, and I'm by no means criticizing the people
who list them. After all, confidence is awesome. We all want to be
around someone who feels self assured. Don't we? I've certainly met
people who definitely do not want to date people who are
independent and confident. I actually had a guy say to me once: "I
just don't feel like you need me enough, and I need to be with
someone who needs me to take care of them." Wow. Needless to say,
things did not work out between us. But you never see that kind of
statement posted on an OKcupid profile. You never see:
"I'm looking for a woman with low self-esteem."
"I'm looking for someone who's not nearly as witty and charming as
"A big turn on for me is a woman who doubts herself just enough to
defer to me on practically every issue."
May 11, 2009
...shop shop. You'd think I wouldn't shop so much given the fact
that I no longer have a job, but I just got paid the back money for
my PTO hours, and I am ecstatic that my favorite person in the
whole wide world, my sister, is coming to stay with me on Thursday.
So I have been slowly filling up my kitchen with food she likes,
tea she likes, decaf coffee (which I never buy, except for her,
because she can't have too much caffeine, unlike her junkie
sister), goat cheese, greek yogurt, avocados, cashews, berries of
all kinds, and more mixed greens than you can shake a stick at
(though I don't know why you would). My sister and I like all the
same things, pretty much, but I realized the other day that I have
been living on virtually nothing for the past few weeks, eating
mostly black beans, strawberries, cafe con leche and power bars.
And there was nothing in my fridge this morning except malt vinegar
and margarita mix. So shop I must!
May 10, 2009
So it's 9am, and I just slept four hours after going out dancing
all freaking night and having one too many drinks, and I have a cup
of coffee in my hand, and my hand still has a nightclub stamp on
it, and I realize...my party days may be behind me. I'm just
saying. It takes a lot of energy, and I still have the energy, but
it takes longer to recuperate than it used to. What's up with that?
I have a love/hate relationship with getting older. On one hand, I
cherish every year because every year I'm going to have a new
experience, and I'll never be that age again, and man it's awesome
to be alive...on the other hand, I miss being able to go through a
whole weekend without sleep and still be able to start afresh on
Monday without a hitch. Those days were good. Gah....for now I am
just going to read the paper and try to come back to life.
May 8, 2009
So I have my height listed on this site as 5'8''. I thought I was
5'8'', I really did. When I went to the doctor a while back I found
out that I am actually 5'9''. Now I am debating changing it in the
profile, even though I've had that profile for a long time now, and
it seems silly to alter vital stats like that. I'm not sure I
should--It's not like I've grown miraculously, I was just wrong.
And it's just an inch. An inch shouldn't matter (not in this
context, anyway). Blah, I'm rambling...
May 6, 2009
So tying into my earlier posts about daily structure, I was
thinking tonight about the people i've worked with who are
struggling with addictions. My first question when I interview
people who are seeking help for addictions is: "what is a typical
day like for you?" This might seem like kind of an asinine
question, but it serves a purpose. I like to see how much an
individual's day centers around their drug of choice. It almost
invariably does. Chemicals can give us a daily routine, whether
you're drinking your morning coffee (or in my case, morning and
afternoon coffee, as I happen to be a caffeine addict) or having an
evening cigarette, or having a shot of heroin at 10 am to keep the
sick off. For people whose lives have no externally imposed
structure (say, job, family, hobbies), their drugs give them a
routine. Ironically, the drug abuse can keep a person from getting
those other sources of structure, and feed into itself until there
is no consistent thing in a person's life other than the drug. I
have no idea where this is going, I'm just thinking.
May 5, 2009
So now that I've left my job, I have to structure my days so that I
feel like I have actually accomplished something. That is daunting,
but I've always had a tendency to structure my time, no matter what
I'm doing. So what am I doing? Today I went to Northwestern and
dropped off forms to be completed for my license application, and I
ordered transcripts, again for my application. I ordered my mom
flowers. I got new jeans that look totally awesome, if I do say so.
I went running. I sat in the sun. I read the paper. I had coffee in
my favorite local book store and bought the newest issue of Mojo
(the magazine that always comes with a CD attached). I highly
recommend this magazine to all you music lovers. This issue's CD, a
collection of 70s rock, features Motorhead, T-Rex, Roy Wood, Mott
the Hoople, and some others I had never heard of. Definitely worth
the money. Now I am home. Normally at this time of day, I would be
interviewing Xanax addicts or consoling grieving families or,
possibly, struggling to restrain a violent person. And now I'm home
with no excitement to speak of, which leaves me both relieved and
May 2, 2009
In a terrible economy, I made the brilliant decision to leave my
stable, lucrative job. I do not regret this. I will be looking for
work in a new setting, a new town, a new age. Yesterday was my last
day, and I could not have had a better send-off. I left of very
good terms with everyone in the hospital, and I feel great about
the way I went out. With a bang, a party, and lots of love (and
before I managed to get myself critically injured. Hooray!).
But this is the first time I have been without a job in a looong
time. I love not knowing what I do with myself!
Apr 25, 2009
I just watched "Charlie Wilson's War," which I have been meaning to
get around to for a long time (I have the three-movies-at-a-time
plan with Netflix, which means I usually have two DVDs sitting
around for six weeks at a time before I get around to watching
them). The film chronicles the launch of Operation Cyclone, the CIA
program that armed the Afghan mujahideen during the Soviet war in
Afghanistan. It's written by Aaron Sorkin, who is in my opinion a
raving misogynist cokehead, but one who knows how to write a
political script better than anyone else in Hollywood. Regardless
of your party affiliation, I think it's essential viewing for
anyone with an interest in American politics and specifically our
current occupation of Iraq.
Apr 22, 2009
Mike Tyson just commented on Chris Brown's alleged abuse of Rihanna
to Us Weekly (god help me, I wish I hadn't clicked that link to Us
Weekly, what a black hole of thought). He said of the abuse, "I
understand passion with young kids." While he condemned the
actions, he was making excuses in his own way, which pisses me off.
Why are people so quick to defend abusers and attack victims? I
don't get it. As both a feminist and human being, I don't see why
anyone's asking Mike Tyson's opinion on human relationships. Maybe
his PR rep said it would be a good idea? In my opinion, he should
be in prison right now for rape and assault. Sigh.
Apr 18, 2009
First, let me preface this by thinking that piercings are cool.
Many of the men I have dated had multiple piercings, and I
understand their rich cultural history (plus their aesthetic
appeal). However, let me also say that I was raised a mother who
did not have her ears pierced and who (I suspect) would have rather
had boys than the three girls she ended up having. So I went 27
years without pierced ears, just as my sisters went without pierced
ears for a very long time (one got them done in college, the other
is still unpierced). I used to think of it as something that made
me special--most of the women I know had their ears pierce when
they were little. Recently, however, I had a change of heart and
decided to take the plunge and get my ears pierced. I know that
this may seem like a trivial thing to most people, but for me it is
big. I have to say, so far, I like it, and I think I'll keep them.
Maybe next...the nose? There are so many possibilities.