So I've noticed that common things to post as turn-on in profiles on this site (and probably many other dating sites) are statements such as:
"Confidence is a big turn-on"
"I like a woman who makes me laugh"
"Self assured women turn me on."
All of these are great, and I'm by no means criticizing the people who list them. After all, confidence is awesome. We all want to be around someone who feels self assured. Don't we? I've certainly met people who definitely do not want to date people who are independent and confident. I actually had a guy say to me once: "I just don't feel like you need me enough, and I need to be with someone who needs me to take care of them." Wow. Needless to say, things did not work out between us. But you never see that kind of statement posted on an OKcupid profile. You never see:
"I'm looking for a woman with low self-esteem."
"I'm looking for someone who's not nearly as witty and charming as I am."
Or,
"A big turn on for me is a woman who doubts herself just enough to defer to me on practically every issue."

...shop shop. You'd think I wouldn't shop so much given the fact that I no longer have a job, but I just got paid the back money for my PTO hours, and I am ecstatic that my favorite person in the whole wide world, my sister, is coming to stay with me on Thursday. So I have been slowly filling up my kitchen with food she likes, tea she likes, decaf coffee (which I never buy, except for her, because she can't have too much caffeine, unlike her junkie sister), goat cheese, greek yogurt, avocados, cashews, berries of all kinds, and more mixed greens than you can shake a stick at (though I don't know why you would). My sister and I like all the same things, pretty much, but I realized the other day that I have been living on virtually nothing for the past few weeks, eating mostly black beans, strawberries, cafe con leche and power bars. And there was nothing in my fridge this morning except malt vinegar and margarita mix. So shop I must!

So it's 9am, and I just slept four hours after going out dancing all freaking night and having one too many drinks, and I have a cup of coffee in my hand, and my hand still has a nightclub stamp on it, and I realize...my party days may be behind me. I'm just saying. It takes a lot of energy, and I still have the energy, but it takes longer to recuperate than it used to. What's up with that? I have a love/hate relationship with getting older. On one hand, I cherish every year because every year I'm going to have a new experience, and I'll never be that age again, and man it's awesome to be alive...on the other hand, I miss being able to go through a whole weekend without sleep and still be able to start afresh on Monday without a hitch. Those days were good. Gah....for now I am just going to read the paper and try to come back to life.

So I have my height listed on this site as 5'8''. I thought I was 5'8'', I really did. When I went to the doctor a while back I found out that I am actually 5'9''. Now I am debating changing it in the profile, even though I've had that profile for a long time now, and it seems silly to alter vital stats like that. I'm not sure I should--It's not like I've grown miraculously, I was just wrong. And it's just an inch. An inch shouldn't matter (not in this context, anyway). Blah, I'm rambling...

So tying into my earlier posts about daily structure, I was thinking tonight about the people i've worked with who are struggling with addictions. My first question when I interview people who are seeking help for addictions is: "what is a typical day like for you?" This might seem like kind of an asinine question, but it serves a purpose. I like to see how much an individual's day centers around their drug of choice. It almost invariably does. Chemicals can give us a daily routine, whether you're drinking your morning coffee (or in my case, morning and afternoon coffee, as I happen to be a caffeine addict) or having an evening cigarette, or having a shot of heroin at 10 am to keep the sick off. For people whose lives have no externally imposed structure (say, job, family, hobbies), their drugs give them a routine. Ironically, the drug abuse can keep a person from getting those other sources of structure, and feed into itself until there is no consistent thing in a person's life other than the drug. I have no idea where this is going, I'm just thinking.

So now that I've left my job, I have to structure my days so that I feel like I have actually accomplished something. That is daunting, but I've always had a tendency to structure my time, no matter what I'm doing. So what am I doing? Today I went to Northwestern and dropped off forms to be completed for my license application, and I ordered transcripts, again for my application. I ordered my mom flowers. I got new jeans that look totally awesome, if I do say so. I went running. I sat in the sun. I read the paper. I had coffee in my favorite local book store and bought the newest issue of Mojo (the magazine that always comes with a CD attached). I highly recommend this magazine to all you music lovers. This issue's CD, a collection of 70s rock, features Motorhead, T-Rex, Roy Wood, Mott the Hoople, and some others I had never heard of. Definitely worth the money. Now I am home. Normally at this time of day, I would be interviewing Xanax addicts or consoling grieving families or, possibly, struggling to restrain a violent person. And now I'm home with no excitement to speak of, which leaves me both relieved and disappointed.

In a terrible economy, I made the brilliant decision to leave my stable, lucrative job. I do not regret this. I will be looking for work in a new setting, a new town, a new age. Yesterday was my last day, and I could not have had a better send-off. I left of very good terms with everyone in the hospital, and I feel great about the way I went out. With a bang, a party, and lots of love (and before I managed to get myself critically injured. Hooray!).
But this is the first time I have been without a job in a looong time. I love not knowing what I do with myself!

I just watched "Charlie Wilson's War," which I have been meaning to get around to for a long time (I have the three-movies-at-a-time plan with Netflix, which means I usually have two DVDs sitting around for six weeks at a time before I get around to watching them). The film chronicles the launch of Operation Cyclone, the CIA program that armed the Afghan mujahideen during the Soviet war in Afghanistan. It's written by Aaron Sorkin, who is in my opinion a raving misogynist cokehead, but one who knows how to write a political script better than anyone else in Hollywood. Regardless of your party affiliation, I think it's essential viewing for anyone with an interest in American politics and specifically our current occupation of Iraq.

Mike Tyson just commented on Chris Brown's alleged abuse of Rihanna to Us Weekly (god help me, I wish I hadn't clicked that link to Us Weekly, what a black hole of thought). He said of the abuse, "I understand passion with young kids." While he condemned the actions, he was making excuses in his own way, which pisses me off. Why are people so quick to defend abusers and attack victims? I don't get it. As both a feminist and human being, I don't see why anyone's asking Mike Tyson's opinion on human relationships. Maybe his PR rep said it would be a good idea? In my opinion, he should be in prison right now for rape and assault. Sigh.

First, let me preface this by thinking that piercings are cool. Many of the men I have dated had multiple piercings, and I understand their rich cultural history (plus their aesthetic appeal). However, let me also say that I was raised a mother who did not have her ears pierced and who (I suspect) would have rather had boys than the three girls she ended up having. So I went 27 years without pierced ears, just as my sisters went without pierced ears for a very long time (one got them done in college, the other is still unpierced). I used to think of it as something that made me special--most of the women I know had their ears pierce when they were little. Recently, however, I had a change of heart and decided to take the plunge and get my ears pierced. I know that this may seem like a trivial thing to most people, but for me it is big. I have to say, so far, I like it, and I think I'll keep them. Maybe next...the nose? There are so many possibilities.