Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Online dating gets it all wrong; we lay it all out up front, when
in fact it's more fun to learn about people as you go. A profile
should be intriguing enough to trigger the response, "This guy gets
it," without getting bogged down in details that probably aren't
that important to long-term compatibility ("Oh, he listens to
reggae...") and can distract from the kind of connection that is
I came from somewhere else, I did something else before I do what
I'm doing, and I'm gainfully employed in a job that I find
interesting and that you'd find interesting, too. I'm single, never
married, and no kids. I don't think there's anything more important
in the world than understanding, but I don't know that I'm
currently doing enough to bring more understanding into the world.
Hopefully we can meet up to talk about all this stuff in person and
see if there's a spark.
And although I use a lot of British-isms in my profile, I am, in
fact, *not* British.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Spending far too much of my free time refreshing my Twitter feed.
"What WILL Brian Gaar say next?!"
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Showing up to our first date in a fedora and cargo shorts while
taking a plug off of my vape rig.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My poor hygiene. (Frankly, not being other people, I wouldn't
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books - all-time: Absalom, Absalom! - currently: Tenth of
Movies - all-time: The Godfather - currently: The Third Man (Just
saw the re-release in the theater and 1. The cinematography is
great and 2. Man, is Orson Welles a commanding presence)
Shows - all-time: The Simpsons - currently: waiting for the second
season of Fargo to start
Music - all time: Clash's London Calling - currently: Hop Along's
Painted Shut (OMFG IS IT AWESOME I CAN'T STOP LISTENING
Food - all time: Fruit Stripe gum - currently: bacon (who am I
kidding - bacon is an all-time fave)
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
See, Ok Cupid isn't clear what it means by "things." Are we talking
about concepts? Individual possessions? Fundamental particles of
nature? Out of protest, I will only name three:
Individual possession: Acoustic guitar
Fundamental particle: Higgs boson
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
The world - because it's pretty weird, innit?
The nature of consciousness in a deterministic universe.
How OK Cupid mistakenly thinks Buddhism is a religion and not a
How I'm not a very good Buddhist. Oh, animals - will I ever stop
If people who "don't like country or rap" can attend a Major League
Baseball game, since that's all the walkup music consists of.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Usually I'm pedantically editing other users' okcupid profiles
("Easygoing is *one* word!") or sobbing softly to myself in the
corner because I'm so desperately lonely. Otherwise, I'm probably
enjoying drinks with friends from grad school at a dive-y bar.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My account is solely for research purposes; I'm stealing trade
secrets as I design my own dystopian online dating service,
But the truth is: I'm totally lying about my age. It's actually
half your age plus seven
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You should message me if you believe that any noun can be turned
into a verb simply to suit today's modern lifestyles. Otherwise, if
you believe in using actual verbs as verbs, you should send me a
You should send me a message if your favorite books are by Francis
Bacon, your favorite urban designs are by Edmund Bacon, and your
favorite films star Kevin Bacon.
But, really, I should probably be the one to contact you. Care to
prove me wrong?
Also: sometimes I see the "likes," but I usually I don't.
*Even if verbifying has been going on for centuries.
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.