Find better matches with our advanced matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy


41 M Washington, DC

My Details

Last Online
Jul 24
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
Taurus, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from masters program
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
English (Fluently), French (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
If you knew me in real life, you'd probably have a crush on me. I'm pretty good at a lot of things - I'm pretty smart, pretty funny, and an adequate musician. I try to be considerate and I'm cute. I have better ideas for dates than "Wanna meet up at Lucky Bar?" And as cool as that sounds, I'm even better in practice than in theory.
What I’m doing with my life
Spending far too much of my free time refreshing my Twitter feed. "What WILL Brain Gaar say next?!"

Also, killing trees and wasting soy ink for a living.
I’m really good at
I have a knack for getting women to delete their Ok Cupid accounts after I send them a message.

I prefer to think that their reasoning is, "Oh, what a thoughtful and personalized message. But I'm really not actively looking for someone right now, so I should delete my account rather than waste the time of nice guys like him," rather than, "What the hell kind of pretentious message was that? Did he have to reference *both* Le Corbusier *and* Captain Beefheart in the same message? That's it - I'm deleting my account - no more freaks!"
The first things people usually notice about me
My poor hygiene. (Frankly, not being other people, I wouldn't know.)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books - all-time: Absalom, Absalom! - currently: Tenth of December

Movies - all-time: The Godfather - currently: Her

Shows - all-time: The Simpsons - currently: now that Fargo and Cosmos have ended their runs, nothing

Music - all time: Clash's London Calling - currently: Warpaint (s/t)

Food - all time: Fruit Stripe gum - currently: bacon (who am I kidding - bacon is an all-time fave)
The six things I could never do without
See, Ok Cupid isn't clear what it means by "things." Are we talking about concepts? Individual possessions? Fundamental particles of nature? Out of protest, I will only name three:

Concept: Understanding

Individual possession: Acoustic guitar

Fundamental particle: Higgs boson
I spend a lot of time thinking about
The world - because it's pretty weird, innit?

The nature of consciousness in a deterministic universe.

How OK Cupid mistakenly thinks Buddhism is a religion and not a philosophy.

How I'm not a very good Buddhist. Oh, animals - will I ever stop eating you?

How great this Saintseneca song is:
On a typical Friday night I am
Usually I'm pedantically editing other users' okcupid profiles ("Easygoing is *one* word!") or sobbing softly to myself in the corner because I'm so desperately lonely. Otherwise, I'm probably enjoying drinks with friends from grad school at a dive-y bar.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
My account is solely for research purposes; I'm stealing trade secrets as I design my own dystopian online dating service,

When I see the tab on this site labeled "The Two of Us," I always, always, always get the Beatles song in my head.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 30–45
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
You should message me if you believe that any noun can be turned into a verb simply to suit today's modern lifestyles. Otherwise, if you believe in using actual verbs as verbs, you should send me a message.

You should send me a message if your favorite books are by Francis Bacon, your favorite urban designs are by Edmund Bacon, and your favorite films star Kevin Bacon.

But, really, I should probably be the one to contact you. Care to prove me wrong?