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TheNewGirl99

42 F Wilmington, DE

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 2″ (1.57m)
Body Type
Athletic
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Sign
Scorpio
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Law
Income
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Mostly non-monogamous
Offspring
Has kids, but doesn’t want more
Pets
Has cats
Speaks
English (Fluently)

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My self-summary
I am very high energy and I don't keep my sugar on the shelf. I have a strong personality, and I'm confident about what I think and do. It shows in the way that I carry myself. I'm as smart as fuck and as ornery as cat shit.

I am a sapiosexual, which simply means that I find intelligence (above all other traits) to be sexually attractive. I don't care so much for the external, but I find that beauty comes from within. I love to be challenged. I'm insatiably curious and I'm always wanting to learn new things. What can you teach me?

I enjoy taking the time to get to know people before engaging in any type of physical relationships. I think it's important to let that develop organically and not "force" it. So don't message me about sex right off the bat; it will not get you any more quickly to the Bone Zone.

DFTBA
What I’m doing with my life
I work as a legal assistant in a large corporate law firm. It is rather soul-crushing and a waste of my talent. In fact, most days I wonder if I'm not some kind of mole who has burrowed so deep into Kafka's castle of cubes that no one realizes I don't have an assignment. But the pay is good and I have an assload of unsupervised time, access to the interwebz and free donuts on Fridays.

People who answer this section by saying "Working hard and playing harder" or even worse...."Living it" ---- Really? That is so lame. Change it now!!!!
I’m really good at
Smiling. Smiling's my favorite. Trash talk (dishing it out and taking it in equal measure), recognizing and appreciating all things meta, performing cunning stunts, being completely inappropriate, being unfashionably early for most things, being fearless, listening, making coffee, being expressive, looking at the glass as being half full, finding wonder in the mundane, ear hustle, making people feel good about themselves, crossing I's and dotting T's, taking photographs, adapting to many situations, putting action verbs in my sentences, being articulate, people-watching, walking the walk, shamelessly flirting, annoying people with little to no effort, toilet humor, going on adventures, wearing my heart on my sleeve, being open-minded and non-judgmental, kissing, sometimes doubting your commitment to Sparkle Motion...

I am highly skilled at reading people and I can smell bullshit from miles away.

I've got a talent for the written word, and I'm pretty sure I have a book inside me just dying to be written.
The first things people usually notice about me
That I am sassy, classy and a little bad-assy.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Music: I love so many different types of music.
Tom Waits
The Avett Brothers
The Clash
The Replacements
Justin Townes Earle
Glen Hansard
David Bowie
Wilco
Bill Withers
Raphael Saadiq
Ween
Jack White
Johnny Cash
Willie Nelson
Pink Floyd
Trombone Shorty
Parliament/Funkadelic
We Were Promised Jetpacks
Tedeschi Trucks Band
BB King
John Lee Hooker
The Pogues
Nick Cave
Black Crowes
Beastie Boys
Buddy Holly
Citizen Cope
Chris Isaak
Warren Zevon
Richard Cheese
Lou Reed
Elvis Costello
The Dusty 45s
Heavy Trash,

I like doo-wop and rockabilly, blues, swing and big band. All of this changes day to day.

Movies:

Life of Pi
Goodfellas
O Brother, Where Art Thou?
The Big Lebowski (duh!)
Pulp Fiction
Once
Juno
Beasts of the Southern Wild
Shawshank Redemption
The Shining
Taxi Driver
Reservoir Dogs
L.A. Confidential
Monty Python
This is Spinal Tap,
Amadeus
Cool Hand Luke
Jaws
Good Will Hunting
Into the Wild
Million Dollar Baby
Stand by Me
Mystic River
Slumdog Millionaire
The Wrestler
True Romance
Kill Bill

Books: I read uncontrollably. If you aren't a reader we probably won't be a good match.

The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith, Life of Pi by Yann Martel, The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini (I love all his stuff), The Red Tent by Anita Diamant, Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption by Laura Hillenbrand. I've also read everything by Dennis Lehane and David Sedaris. I've read most of Vonnegut's works and all of Christopher Moore's. I really want to like James Ellroy but I have trouble with the patter and patois of his writing style. I like Palahniuk as much as the rest of ya, but I will admit that I need Pepto Bismol and/or brain bleach after reading some of his stuff.

I love stand-up comedy….I consider it an art form. My absolute favorite is the late-great George Carlin. And now his replacement, Louis C.K. I also like Bill Hicks, John Mulaney, Nick Swardson, Redd Foxx, Jerry Seinfeld, Ron White, Chris Rock, Jim Gaffigan (Hot Pocket!), Richard Pryor. I don't like Dane Cook or Tosh. I want to be Tina Fey when I grow up. Or Amy Poehler.

Louie sums up dating: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umc7BFEhWz0
The six things I could never do without
How about things I CAN live without: port-o-potties, tailgaters, flaky people, poor customer service, people who talk in the movies, interrupters, spam, paper cuts, cashiers that give me my change on top of the receipt, judgmental people, burnt toast, litterbugs, empty toilet rolls, text speak, parking tickets, bad hair days and people who alter the height of my swivel chair.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
I often think that there should be a body shop called Auto Correct.
On a typical Friday night I am
There is nothing typical about me.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I like fart jokes.

Do people on here really not comprehend this question? It's not saying admit that you shave your girlfriend's back. If the most private thing you are "willing to admit" is that your favorite color is blue, then for fuck's sake, say that!
I’m looking for
  • Guys who like girls
  • Ages 33–50
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, short-term dating
You should message me if
If you want to take me geocaching or any other types of adventures.

If you have natural body hair and DO NOT SHAVE YOUR GOD DAMNED CHEST. Why would you do that?

If your profile pics include shirtless selfies taken in a dirty bathroom mirror, we probably won't hit it off....and I will blush with embarrassment for you. In fact, any mirror selfies.....so 2008. Get a friend to snap a photo for Christsakes!

The end.

DFTBA.