Many people call me a hero. Every night, I strip to my underwear, put on a pink cape and run around in the street, calling 911 anytime I see, hear or smell something suspicious. I also call if I have a bad feeling.

Sometimes, the operators pretend there is a warrant for my arrest for abuse of emergency services but I know they're joking. They call me the Nut-1-1 Man or Nutman for short. One of them keeps cursing at me. She's hilarious! Her name is Susie.

Every time I call, just in case Susie fields the call, I start by saying "OH MY GOD! HE'S SHOOTING AT THE KIDS!". Me and Susie get quite a laugh out of that. I laugh so hard I can't even hear her laughing. I think she likes me.

I love to read, whether it's a good article, an opinion or a good book. I enjoy most good books regardless of topic.

Pretty much anything beach related has got my vote if the weather allows, I like to swim, Jet Ski, take boat trips, sunbathe, play beach volleyball and soccer. I took a ski trip recently and I loved it and I want to start doing that more regularly.

I love to travel and discover new things, new foods, new activities, new countries, new cultures, new ways of saying "How you doin'?" and "i've never seen those 2Ks of colombian white before".

I love animals in general (cats and dogs) in particular and I don't trust monkeys. Don't get me wrong, I like monkeys. Monkeys are great fun when they're stroking or grooming you as opposed to shattering all your dishes or stealing your food or attacking you for no reason (or some weird reason based on dubious monkey logic such as: "I'm bored, you're here. It's FIGHTING TIME BALDIE!). I've also held snakes before and they feel really soft, dry and cool on a hot summer day! Snakes are nature's AC.

I also like going fast in any direction. Flying, karting, diving, boating, running, swimming, biking, falling to my doom. It's all good¹.

1.In the falling to my doom case, the goodness may not last for long.

Making sure I have lots of things to regret later.

I went to Elscamo Universidad in Honduras back in 2004. Due to shortages of materials (chairs, costumes, buildings, teachers, etc.), the whole place was ran by an old, toothless, one-eyed man named Sergei.

Sergei had a very streamlined theory of education, he thought that no matter how long and hard one studied, true understanding of the world would remain out of reach, so it was better to just laugh about everything.

So you either made him laugh once every 60 seconds or he threw a stone at you. Some students floated the idea that Sergei was really a crazy homeless man who was using us as entertainment and target practice. We reported them to Sergei and he stoned the shit out of them.

After that, I earned a computer science degree, which means I can now refer to myself as a scientist. It's really cool. I now preface all my sentences with either "As a scientist" (IE: "As a scientist, I feel that kittens are cute.)" or "Who's the scientist here?" (IE: Person</>: Drinking koolaid and vodka won't make your burps burn blue if you light them up! Stop making shit up! Me: Who's the scientist here? )

-Giving up all hope and spiraling down into protitution, hard drugs and Tom&Jerry reruns.

-Finding pirate gold.

-misplacing things (especially pirate gold).

The mischievous twinkle in my dark green eyes and my easy smile.

Anything written by Bujold is candy. Some of my favorite authors are Neal Stephenson, Isaac Asimov, Greg Bear, Andrea eschbach, Tolkien, Greg Vance, George rr Martin, Ian M. Banks, Dan Simmons, Vernor Vinge, Neil Gaiman, Orson Scott Card deteriorated since), Paul Sulitzer. Favorite non-fiction books are Road to Baghdad and City of Joy. Some of the books I loved recently are Shogun, The spy who came in from the cold, Watchmen, ghost brigades and The Carpet Makers.

Knocked up, batman begins, pulp fiction, the first 2 spiderman movies and x-men, Thank you for smoking, Memento, 40 year old virgin, Casablanca (<-I lived there once), Singing in the Rain, Godfather 1 and 2, The Princess Bride, Traffic, Trainspotting, Die Hard, Kill Bill, Schindler's list, Nueve Reinas, Torrente, Amelie Poulain, The good, the Bad and the Ugly, anything by Miyazaki, Aladdin, Munich, Pirates of the Caribbean, Gran Camino and the list goes on and on.

TV: Futurama, the office, scrubs, rome, arrested development, family guy, the wire]], [the simpsons, Sopranos, Robot Chicken.

MUSIC: I like everything. Here is a small sample of my playlist. Bob Marley, pink floyd, megadeth, black sabbath, bob dylan, cheb mami, estopa, black eyed peas, al green, anita kelsey Simon and Garfunkel, Sonique, Sting, System of a Down, T-Pain, Enigma, Metallica

GAMES: Some of my favorite series are guitar hero, metal gear solid, zelda, street fighter, wipeout, mariokart, resident evil, osu tatakae ouendan, final fantasy.

Favorite food: animals and plants, possibly seasoned with minerals (salt is a big favorite!)

1 - laughter.

2 - Books.

3 - Beach in the summer.

4 - The internet

5 - Entertainment

6 - Orange Juice.

7 - My rebellious attitude and contempt for the rules. OMG! Did he just list A SEVENTH thing? OH NO HE DI'NT! OH YES I DID!

How modest I am. I say this in all humility. In fact, humility is such a fundamental trait, nay, such a vital pillar of my very soul, that I am planning to change my name to Modest N. Humble to reflect that selfless, benevolent view of the world that characterizes me. Believe me, it's tough to be modest when you're me, but expectations must be met so I do my duty. Noblesse oblige.

Have I mentionned I am likely to be of aristocratic descent? You probably already assumed as much, as one single look at you tells me you are assuredly a high-born lady yourself, discerning enough to appreciate true poetry made flesh. I compliment you on your piercing wit and exquisite taste and I thank you for making the whole world a brighter, better, more exciting and fun-filled place. Bravo! I say, Bravo!

***claps hands vigourously, eyes sparkling with delight****

Note: I'm not crazy.

Going out with friends, being dragged out to go with friends, making up failed excuses not to go out with friends, rescuing kittens from tall trees, sandsurfing* , looking around suspiciously and spitting on the floor, playing videogames, stripping for older women.

*I haven't actually gotten around to doing that one, but it's definitely on for next week or the week after that. For sure this time.

I sometimes dance like a crazy person when I'm alone in an elevator.

-You are not an old, toothless russian man named Sergei.

-You are the emissary of an alien galactic empire, looking for someone to betray his own people in exchange for dominion over their enslaved lives. yes...YES...POWER! MUHUHUHUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I will be your tool, speak to me, O great masters of the beyond! ALL WILL HAIL THE OVERLORDS!

-You need to laugh often and have a sense of humor, read books , thought my profile was more funny than it was annoying and aren't fond of drama.

-You are a brilliant but cold woman with an iron will and lethal kungFu moves and have decided that I am your next target. You must have been traumatized in the past and really, you're a sweet gal underneath all the torture, assasinations, wanton murder, leisure killing, human practice shooting, man-hunting, penguin-raping and kittenbox-kicking.

-If you've read all the way through this and you don't weigh more than I do.