I'm a self-sustaining individual who possesses the personality traits that should be expected of any mature male. But those are boring to write about. You'll just have to take my word that while virtually every bit of the ensuing verbiage will suggest otherwise, I'm a very intelligent and temperate individual.

Me:
- I'm an implant from Chicago. Truth be told, I'm here for the Mexican and Korean food and tend to hang around those respective areas. I couldn't care less about the entertainment culture or anything you think is "hella bomb."
- I'm told I have a great falsetto when the situation mandates it. Michael Jackson and the Temptations really bring it out.
- I'm gay for Lionel Messi.
- I'm a bringer of justice in grocery stores nation wide. I get a kick out of telling off rude customers as a customer. If you're asshole enough to chew out a cashier makin' $8.50/hr, I will make you feel like a 6 year old in public.
- I ain't too proud to admit I listen to the Veronicas and the Wonder Girls while working out.
- I'm the biggest sucker for Spanish film.
- I'm convinced puppy stores are the solution to any of life's problems.
- I still can't bring myself to curse in front of my mother.
- My life revolves around simple carbs. It takes a lot for a woman to top my love for pizza, pasta, and cheesecake.
- I find people falling down to be HILARIOUS.

Working a job I don't deserve helping deaf and hard of hearing students get equal access to information in class at the university. But I mostly just trade verbal jabs with them. Don't worry, they're a wily bunch and know how to dish it back... sometimes quite disproportionately. I am also representing the slightly awkward demographic that is the mid-20s undergraduate student, spending a lot of time studying boring shit under a microscope. Additionally, my routine includes spraining my ankle every weekend like clockwork while contributing absolutely nothing to my pickup soccer team. While in gimp mode, I tend to go out to eat lots, binge on movies, watch babies run into walls on youtube, and get a healthy amount of gaming in.

That's pretty much the cycle, give or take some traveling.

You know that song by A-ha, "Take On Me?" Do you know the part where it goes, "IIIIIIIIIIIIIII'll beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee goooooooooooooooooooooooooone, in a day or TWOOOOOOOOOOO?" I'm really good at that. Maybe even the best.

They notice right away that I'm a 50-year old black man trapped in a short, twenty-something year old white guy's body.

All of them.

I'm Spanish and know how to prepare a variety of related dishes and desserts. No matter how much my cooking improves, my neatness in doing so does not. So just remember, if you want me to cook for you, it will delicious, but the kitchen will be a disaster. Seriously. FEMA shows up and starts setting up tents 'n shit everywhere in the apartment. It gets kinda awkward.

Barbecue sauce
Reliable transportation
Sex [Don't worry, it's not why I'm here]
Pizza
Movies
Something/someone to laugh with or at.

Antimatter, politics, spirituality, Messi, most things cream cheese related.

Watching the Lion King HD.... just kidding.

I'm a Bambi guy.

I hate ghosts. Wherever you are, ghosts, if want to mess around with something in my house, leave me a note first so I can elect to not be around for it. And if you're going to knock something over and break it, please grab a broom and sweep that shit up.

You dislike rude people just as much as I do.

If you don't say, "hella," "bomb," or "dank." Say those things in Chicago and you're liable to get your ass beat. With good reason, too.

And if you don't listen to Skrillex.