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DISCLAIMER

Let's be honest. You wouldn't like me. Yeah, I'm cool or whatever, but you don't realize how ridiculously busy I am. I mean, I'm stunned that I'm able to take the time to write this disclaimer. It's bad. I have trouble waking. I'd never be able to see you.

Also, I don't have cool hair anymore. Sorry. I sold out.

That's why I officially endorse my friend, kurmatee, who is new here and deserves a hearty welcome. He volunteers for abused women or something, which is really nice, and, for some reason, he's much less busy than I am. It's admirable.

Plus he multiplies numbers in his head much faster than I do.

END OF DISCLAIMER
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In two years, I'll be a godless lawyer who's next in line to inherit a media conglomerate. I'm somehow becoming more and more Jewish, is what's happening.

But, today, I'm a fucking superhero. I save babies from falling out of windows, I save kittens from drowning, I smoosh monsters with my heel. I'm just generally ridiculous.

I also used to play music and write plays. (Piano, guitar, and dramedies.) But now I mostly read E&Es. They really do help.

Editors

• RDM1301

Oh good lord. Law school at GW; I'm on moot court, mock trial, and law review, plus I'm a research assistant for a professor (professorpaulbutler.com), and I'm trying to get a job for next summer so that I'm not a bum with a law degree. Also, occasionally I get to close my eyes.

Being humble.

... It's a joke.

It used to be that I only wore black. Now, I don't know. People often think my hair is wet, and it's usually not.

A) Fight Club, The Fountainhead, 1984, Brave New World, Choke, Cat's Cradle, Galapagos, Slaughterhouse-Five, Discworld, House of Leaves, Paradise Lost, etc.

B) Fight Club, Lost In Translation, Requiem for a Dream, The Game, The American President, Love Actually, When Harry Met Sally, Groundhog Day, Garden State, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Amelie, a lot more...

C) My taste in music, like the outer layer of my flesh, decays and recomposes over a rather small period of time. I honestly don't like talking about music, but I'll provide a quick list of what I like right now for you to get an idea of the diversity: Tokyo Police Club, The Acorn, Jon Brion, Jose Gonzalez, M83, Beirut. If you've never heard of any of those people, you need to turn off your radio.

D) Anything foreign (Indian, Italian, Thai, Chinese), mostly since I'm kind of a vegan in a complicated way. If you yell at me, I'll explain to you why you're horribly wrong, because animals are cute and fuzzy and what the fuck. Anyway, don't message me about veganism; it's boring. I am not what I eat. (Hint: If you're thinking about messaging me saying "You're vegan in a weird way? Tell me about it!," then I probably will not respond.

1. A bag of things that I could never do without.

2. Hm...

Politics, truth and uncertainty, science, religion, the ridiculous joke that is life.

Hm... that last bit sounded depressing. I mean not to be misunderstood. What I mean is: Life is a ridiculous joke, and isn't it great? I mean, really? Isn't it just ridiculous and great? Just amazingly ridiculous and ridiculously amazing. Gotta love it.

I wear my watch while I sleep, yet I am not particularly punctual. Apologies.

Also, I despise cars.

Read all of this.

First, I live in DC and don't own a car. So, if you live outside of the area, don't bother sending me a message. It's just frustrating to cyberchat and look at sexy cool girls that I'll never meet.

Second, be brief.

THIRD! AND MOST IMPORTANTLY (SEE CAPS)! You must have opinions about things that matter. You know: politics, foreign policy, religion, law, celebrity gossip.

Also, if you're going to message me, instead of sending me something inane that won't really help me get to know you, write to me with an interesting and original thought about something that you care for deeply. If it's politics, make it politics; if it's music, make it music; if it's math, make it math.

And, if that's not your thing, (this is your reward for getting to the end... if you didn't read the whole thing, then... you should) you can contact me by instant message. Uh... This is bold of me, and you'll see why in a minute. My screen name on practically everything (aim, yahoo, msn, gtalk, myspace) is aaronjsussman. Also my name. Okay... Don't steal my identity... Anyway, I'm rarely online, but if you see me, feel free to hit me with a "Hi, I'm h0t8abe69 from OKC!" (Although, if your sn is anything like "h0t8abe69", we probably won't get along.) And, don't take it too hard if I don't respond; I often leave my computer on while I go do other things. Great!