Long Form Version: I guess I can no longer say I'm new to San Francisco since I moved here from NYC over a year ago now and recently bought a condo. This means I can reminisce about what it was like to live here 10 months ago, before all those people who moved here 6 months ago ruined it. I'm a prodigal Californian though, having grown up in a smallish town about 5 hours south of here that is mostly known for growing lemons and avocados. I'm pretty much the Bubba Gump of avocados. I still think I'm a small town guy at heart, but I don't get all John Mellencamp née Cougar née Mellencamp about it.
Since college in LA (Go Bruins!) I've bounced around a bit. I spent a summer on a dude ranch in Idaho. I was a flight attendant for two years out of Portland, Oregon (you can call me cabin boy, but please don't call me a "steward"). I went to law school in Austin about the time people started to think Austin is really cool. Coincidence...? Yes. Spent the past 5 years in New York to round things out. Sprinkle in some odd seasons spent in London, Suzhou, Budapest and Brussels and you about have it.
If my friends were to describe me in a few words it'd probably be witty, articulate, quirky and... hungry? I'd love to meet someone who gets (and then promptly groans at) my obscure bad jokes, cuts through the bullshit, but at the same time is genuinely caring and considerate of others. I’m an “INTJ,” for those of you who are into horoscopes for people who graduated college.
I practice antitrust law. That means I deal with things like competition and monopolies, but sadly my monopolies have nothing to do with little metal thimbles, second prize in beauty contests, or buying Marvin Gardens.
Outside of work, I really enjoy going to museums and have honed aggressive exhibit elbows and would be totally game do some cultural stuff around the city. I wish I could say I have the "travel bug," but having gone to India twice, I think it's definitely "bugs" now. I might be the only person you know who has both eaten piranha in Suriname and done wine tasting in the Republic of Georgia. It'd be great to meet someone else who would enjoy a weekend getaway to Mexico City just to eat tacos.
Despite being quick to joke, I try and approach life with a sense of responsibility. I internalized too many Jimmy Stewart movies as a child, and think a person's integrity is everything.
Having a conversation about anything, really, especially with cab drivers and people's moms.
Bad puns: I have a chair dedicated to me in Bryant Park, NYC which reads "I will chairish my time here always." (true)
Movies: Movies directed by Danish guys and people named Anderson (I guess not mutually exclusive). Cool Hand Luke. I have some Peter Pan tendencies, and in the dozen or so DVDs I own (from when people still owned DVDs) you can find “Babe II: Pig in the City,” ("it's tough when you're a pig alone in the city") and “The Iron Giant” next to the original Harry Hamlin “Clash of the Titans.”
TV: Mostly Jeopardy! and Sunday nights on HBO. I think Julia Louis Dreyfus’s character on Veep, Selina Meyer, may be my ideal woman. For sports, I prefer college football to NFL, and I'm one of 5 white guys who still watch boxing. Oh, and I once won a costume contest dressed as Tobias Fünke.
Music: Stuff your dad listened to if your dad wasn't very cool. Also late 90s-early 2000s sad bastard music (think Neutral Milk Hotel) and more folksy stuff (Iron & Wine). I’m pro-Banjo. I first got into David Byrne from the "Little Monsters" soundtrack. My favorite Beatle is George Harrison (the squirrel on sax kills me every time). Any pretense of being a music snob evaporates when "Firework" comes on.
Food: Spicy/spiced food, especially Szechuan peppercorns. I have the Indiana Jones of palates (not counting Crystal Skull, of course). I like to cook and can wrap a mean stuffed grape leaf. For a few years I actually hosted a semi-notorious Oscar party where I cooked up punny dishes for every best picture nominee (e.g. a Japanese style salad - "Lettuce from Iwo Jima"). It'd be great to meet someone who enjoyed cooking together.
- Ak-mak crackers (so good)
- My self-defecating sense of humor
-You have just the right amount of lack of patience, and would like to join my synchronized eye rolling team.
-Your jeans don't fit like sweatpants.
-You ever thought you might like to date a grown up version of Manny from Modern Family (I told some friends I wrote this and they think I'm more Niles Crane from Frasier, so there's some debate about what sitcom character I have the most in common with).
-Some life perspective, common sense and a culture level that exceeds a cup of Oikos are real pluses. I like to hike as much as the next guy, but probably prefer cosmopolitan to crunchy.
-You're pretty chill.