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The_True_Self

22 Austin, TX Man

Man

I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 18–35
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Today – 8:11am
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 8″ (1.73m)
Body Type
Overweight
Diet
Anything
Smokes
Sometimes
Drinks
Rarely
Drugs
Religion
Atheism, and laughing about it
Sign
Cancer, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Working on university
Job
Hospitality
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I think that all men who've been on the career path to becoming a judge have, at least once, flopped their dicks onto the bathroom counter like a gavel and said, "Court is now in session!" to themselves.

Half-sasquatch amateur comic seeking snuggle buddy/self-proclaimed Sasquatch expert to HELP ME FIND MY FATHER.

Credentials:
-Has been considered a Man in the eyes of the Jewish community since July 2005
- Time Magazine's "Person of the Year 2006"
- Undisputed Planking World Champion 2014
- "5-Star Snuggler" according to Cuddlers Quarterly
- Can change light bulbs on his own without any additional qualifiers
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Just moved back to Austin after 4.5 years in Denton and I'm looking forward to actually /living/ in Austin rather than just being in a suburb like I was while growing up.

I write and tell jokes, but I don't get paid for that yet, so I'm looking for a job to support my living habit.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Cuddling, clapping obscenely loud, singing Disney Princess songs, and rolling hand towels.

In that order.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Is that I, in no way, shape or form, resemble the lovable flightless bird known as the Kiwi, save for that we are both:

1. Flightless
2. Lovable
3. Very, very hairy
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: No Country for Old Men, Watchmen, V for Vendetta, John Hodgman's The Areas of my Expertise, Max Brooks novels, and Harlequin romances read in inappropriate places.

Movies: Pulp Fiction, Rocky Horror, Back to the Future, Psycho, The Cabin in the Woods, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Edgar Wright's Cornetto Trilogy, The Room, UHF, and Kentucky Fried Movie. There's a lot more, but let's keep it sweet.

Shows: Avatar: The Last Airbender, The Legend of Korra, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Arrow, @midnight, Key and Peele, Bob's Burgers, Broad City, Agents of SHIELD, Parks and Rec, Spaced, Mr. Show with Bob and David, BoJack Horseman

Music: The Protomen, 80's Pop, New Wave, Disco, Dire Straits, Gorillaz, Childish Gambino, Marina and the Diamonds, Devotchka, Tenacious D, URIZEN, Puddin' Taine, Nobuo Uematsu Soundtracks, Disney Princess songs along with assorted tracks from musicals, 88.1 - The One, a lot of stand-up albums (Top Comics: John Mulaney, Kyle Kinane, Patton Oswalt, Jackie Kashian, Maria Bamford, Myq Kaplan, Kurt Braunohler, Pete Holmes, Mike Birbiglia, Matt Braunger, Doug Benson, Dalton Pruitt)

Games: Kingdom Hearts franchise (all of it), The World Ends With You, FTL, The Binding of Isaac, Shovel Knight, Mega Man II, Ni No Kuni, Ace Attorney, some Pokemon, Team Fortress 2, Osmos, Final Fantasy VI, Dominion, Munchkin, Cards Against Humanity, Apples to Apples, and the obligatory Settlers of Catan. Also, Persona 4 needs a mention due to my username (although I never really beat it, I made this profile while I was in the middle of it).

Food: Tex-Mex, Thai, Coffee, Coffee, Really good coffee, Tea, More Tea, Amitea, Black-Green-White-Red-Herbal Tea, & BBQ
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1. Social interaction. Y'know, like positive or silly stall-wall grafitti.
2. Engaging works of fiction I can get into (bonus points if it involves Betty White, who is a national treasure).
3. Internet access, without which I would not be able to keep up with Parks and Rec or rejoice in public forums about the joyous boomerang-esque return of disco and funk music.
4. Long-ass showers, at night, in the dark, save for a scented candle (or a shit-ton of tea lights).
5. Physical contact, from snuggling to secret handshakes to high-fives.
6. Meryl Streep. The entire world would be lesser without her.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
how if I could have one super power, it would be the ability to transmute fat - to just be able to painlessly rip off globs of my own/other people's fat and be able to throw it onto skinny people and have it absorb into their skin. Or use the power to give painless breast augmentations and make easy money.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Balancing ceramic mugs on my head and making alllllllllll the people in the coffee shop increasingly nervous.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I don't think I could ever have kids - not because I think I'd drop 'em or psychologically scar 'em via an idle TV and negligence, but because I know that from the moment that kid is born to the day he/she goes out into the world, I'd spend every second of every minute of every hour of every day thinking, "Am I actively forming my child's fetish right now?"

You think Space Jam and The Jungle Book are harmless now, but when you find furry hypnosis porn left on your browser history 7 years later...

Also, I sucked a girl's dick once and have since resolved to never ask for that favor again.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
you, too, underscore all serious/montage moments of your life with "Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)" by Journey.