Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy


23 Epsom, UK Man


Similar users

I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 18-30
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My details

Last online
Feb 18
6' 0" (1.83m)
Body Type
Agnosticism and it’s important
Working on University
Doesn’t want kids
English (Fluently), Welsh (Somewhat), Spanish (Somewhat), Persian (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Speak to me and you'll find out *_*.

To live is to live dangerously.

I'm a Zoology graduate, a politically wayward nerd, and a cynic.

I have to reformat this whole thing. Ugh. Wait.

I suppose I'll just state why I'm here?
You will message me. We will fall in love. We will have seven kids. We will homeymoon in Larnaca. We'll send our kids to the grammar school because we want them educated but not have to part with our own money, because that's for Goyim. We'll grow old. The kids will grow sore from the overused belt. Kids will leave home and spread out in a massive diaspora. Only Alex, the retarded one with a cannabis obsession, will stay in touch because he's a weak mummy's boy with over attachment issues. I'll stay working in trade. You will catch me having homosexual sex with an Accountant colleague called Ezra Micah Horowitz. We will seperate. I'll sleep on the study couch and our Shiba dog will take my side of the queen sized bed you paid for because I was worried Shakeel the antisemitic store Cashier would clone my credit card when reading my name. We will move to Vancouver and retire with our pet bear, Kyle. I'll grow senile and dribble and you will become depressed. We will still visit Arizona every year to hang out with Josie and Jesse our American contacts that we met at a Venezuelan border crossing during our younger years. I'll stop remembering your name and become convinced you're a lesbian hockey playing nurse called 'Leanne'. We will die in a fire after I leave the gas stove on when I return after Curling, in a lapse of memory on New Years Eve.
Now you have read how perfect I am above, you really must message.
Otherwise, you must feed me a stray cat so that I don't have to go out hunting tonight.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Trying desperately to take over the world with my gang of Moloch worshipping, shapeshifting reptilian, elderly ladies on motorbikes... *_*
If that fails to get results:
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
(Does that actually count as an achievement? If it does, I deserve a medal...)

(I did English Language and Literature A Level in a year and got an A.)



(I walked nine hours today- 29th July 2013- I went Epsom to Sutton to Merton to Richmond to Kingston and then back to Epsom having set off in the afternoon; I returned home at 2230h).

(Lol, you know I'm joking).
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
That I will succeed in life, due partly to the raw ambition I make no effort to hide.


The ugly red mop on my head; I have an awful satanic pseudo ginger brown hair colour called 'auburn'. I got it after sacrificing twelve children to the basilisk and pouring their still warm blood over my head. I then chanted prayers to Mary Bale the cat lady and was rewarded with the uniform of the satanic priests (having auburn hair).
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
The Catcher In The Rye, J.D. Salinger; A Visit From The Goon Squad, Jennifer Egan; Pig Island, Mo Hayder; Endless Night, Agatha Christie; Anthem, Alisa Zinovievna Rosenbaum (otherwise known as ayn rand); Atlas Shrugged, Rand; We The Survivors, Rand; The Outsider/l'Etranger, Camus; more to come.

Anything with Gary Oldman in. He's an acting genius :). (you don't like beethoven... you don't know what you're missing, overtures like that... so powerful! Though after a while, to be honest with you, beethoven really does tend to get a little fucking boring- THAT'S WHY I STOPPED!) xD.

Seth Lakeman.
Johnny Cash.
Simon & Garfunkel.
Tracy Chapman.
Led Zeppelin.
John Rich and co
Creedence Clearwater Revival
Molly Hatchett :D (yeah, I know I know…)
Allison Krauss and Union station
The box tops
Ralph Stanley (again, you have permission to laugh).
Doc Holliday were good on 'Song for the Outlaw'. Not so good on their other songs.

(Don't I just bring joy to the party) *_*.

If you don't like them, then I suppose you have the right to a different music taste...
What am I saying??? If you don't like those guys, may my sweet Lord, Moloch, piss on your chips!

Things to eat:
(I will literally eat anything; I've been known to eat pasta with tomato ketchup and a glass of milk for breakfast when I can't find anything else to consume) :)
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
My banjo (to my neighbour's ecstasy; they love it so much, that whenever I play my banjo, the neighbours turn out in a huge group, shouting, with flaming torches, pitchforks, and ropes so that the town can party to my banjo playing...)

Chocolate (Did you know, the Spanish spelling of CACAO is actually correct; cocoa was a misspelling by ignorant English sailors and pirates :D).

My 'I LOVE NEW JERSEY' t-shirt; I have to be different, and considering so many people have NY ones, I decided to go for an NJ one I found in Hoboken :).

My dongle (I have a geeky side ^>^).

Debating (another geeky trait ^>^; I'll debate anything. Politics, ethics, philosophy, religion, disneyland...)

Somehow, my mind went blank there...
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Those who can hear the music are deemed crazy by the deaf world.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Shuddering away from the beastial people leaving the clubs and coming near my solitary spot by the river.


(Definately not 'clubbing')

Usually watching a movie with friends or alone, or, if not that, just sitting and thinking. Maybe reading some ayn rand or Albert camus.

Maybe also blazing the Mary Jane.
Yes I do that alot.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm.............. Oh God....Can I say it? Really?

Courage....Come on, you can do it...

I'm........I'm.................I'm.................. Oh...God.....

Ok.....I'm gonna do it...............................

I'm............... *groan*.... Ok.Ok.OK!...I'm... left handed
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If you're competent at conversation?
I want to have deep, intellectual, conversations. Not meaningless phatic utterances of mickey mouse bull shit colloquials.

If you don't message me then, sadly, I shall be forced to take a cat and put it in a microwave. Lol, don't worry; I'm just joking.
I'll take the cat, stick the animal in a trash can, and set fire to the trash can.

You think I'm joking.