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45 Oakland, CA Woman


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I’m looking for

  • Men
  • Ages 40-55
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My details

Last online
Today – 2:26pm
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Strictly non-monogamous
5' 3" (1.60m)
Body Type
Average build
Doesn’t have kids and doesn’t want them
English (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I am not bored. I am not ironically removed. I am doing my level best to enjoy the ever-loving shit out of my life, sincerely, intensely, and on purpose. I'm stuffed full of weird thoughts and desire and very often contradictory wishes, and I cannot--CANNOT--tell left from right. If you ask me what direction to turn I will say the wrong one every damn time. To put too fine a point on it: I am a complicated and mostly fun woman in an open relationship, and I am seeking a man to listen to, look at, and drink with.

So: I'm professional and responsible and dependable--I have a mortgage and a dog and an ex-husband and an accountant. But temperamentally I'm not traditional or conventional really at all--I have large tattoos, a published book of poetry, and an enormous appetite for adventure. I am enthusiastically literate. I am enthusiastically a lot of things in fact. I prefer cultural doings over sporty type events--indie rock and indie films, literary fiction, theater, and museums--but plenty of room for trashy TV too. Plenty. I like culture, including popular culture. I'm ridiculously verbal; I swear a lot, listen well, and have many, many opinions. I'm not an emotional wreck, a flake, an addict, or a scammer. I show up when I say I'm going to show up. I am not monogamous but I am quite intensely in love with my partner, so I am not your next wife or anybody else's either, but I am all sorts of fun, and no-pants options do exist under the right circumstances, with the right chemistry, and in the right time frame. And I'm also 48, not 45, but I tend to match better with a slightly younger demographic so I game my profile to show up in those search results.

I live and work in downtown Oakland but I am in downtown SF quite often. I'm funny and smart; I'm assured, polite, I talk a lot, and well. And if you are fascinating, I have a lot more than just convention to offer. So for god's sake, be fascinating. Keep up. Have something to say. The way I'll know you are interesting is if you send an interesting message--HI! and a smiley face is friendly but not interesting. Liking long walks on the beach and the sound of rain is not interesting--they're cliches. It's fine if you like them--everybody does--but be more interesting than that. I'm a specific kind of person and I like specific kinds of people. Please: I don't need to see a photo of you naked. But I do need to see a photo of your face. Guys with photoless profiles, I probably won't write back to you--sorry, but I'm as visually oriented as you are. Probably best if you're over 40, and if you're over 50, you had really better mean that "youthful" thing you like to say. Bonus points for eyeglasses, lankiness, and a post-punk sensibility.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Having a passionate and productive love affair with the alphabet, trying to keep my hands warm, wondering when Canada became our indie rock overlords, biding my time until I can have more ice cream, giving witty and insightful advice about other people's love lives while being often bewildered about my own, gradually developing a taste for cocktails, thinking thinking thinking always goddamn thinking, and, like everyone, thundering blissful toward death.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I pay very close attention to words. I do it professionally. I do it for fun. I know the difference between compliment and complement; and may, might, and can; and since and because. And I can kick your ass all the way to Mars on matters of punctuation.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My hair. Always. There's no escaping it.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: Martin Amis, Kurt Vonnegut, Haruki Murakami, Michael Chabon, Sherman Alexie, Kenzaburo Oe, Mark Leyner, Sarah Manguso, Anne Carson, John Berryman, Frank O'Hara, Anne Sexton, Blake Butler, Robert Anton Wilson, David Mitchell, Lynda Barry

Movies: Stardust Memories, The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai, State and Main, Cloud Atlas, On the Beach, Adaptation, Wings of Desire

Music: The Mountain Goats, Nick Cave, Bob Mould, Of Montreal, Grizzly Bear, Japandroids, Iron and Wine, Joanna Newsom, Destroyer, Frightened Rabbit, Cloud Nothings, Dan Mangan, Neutral Milk Hotel, Okkervil River, PJ Harvey, the Replacements, TV on the Radio, Alice Donut, Robyn Hitchcock, The Rural Alberta Advantage

TV: Rectify, The Leftovers, Mad Men, Real Housewives of Fake Boob Horrorshow, Top of the Lake, The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Twin Peaks, Mystery Diagnosis, 30 Rock

Food: meat, cheese, bread--always good in any combination or by themselves!
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I have spent much of my life being surprised by the things I can do without, and it's too dull to list the basics of bio-survival, so this question is essentially of no use to me or to you.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Why a woman who embraces non-monogamy is seen as empowered whereas a man who embraces non-monogamy is seen as immature, punctuation, how the word "dollop" is the same upside down and backward, whether my dog is happy enough, how to balance the need for security with the need for passion, finding just the right word, anatomical art, what it could possibly mean when people say a dessert is "too sweet."
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Very often open to suggestion.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I can sing the Preamble to the Constitution.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You're a nice person and at least one thing from each category is true about you:

Category A
All kinds of brainy
Damaged but not ruined
Artistically productive
You are Peter Weller (Actually, if you are Peter Weller, you don't even have to bother with category B. Just come to my house.)

Category B