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29 Oakland, CA Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 25–35
  • Near me
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Online now!
Open relationship
Relationship Type
6' 0" (1.83m)
Body Type
Atheism but it’s not important
Dropped out of University
Wants kids
Has cats
English (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
NOTICE: For your browsing convenience, I've added a TL;DR to the bottom of my lengthier sections. So scroll down if you're impatient!

Hello! I'm Thistlebee! I am a twenty-nine-year-old Californian human! I'm a gamer and a geek. I love craft beer and humor. I've got a (un)healthy dose of social anxiety, which I attempt to offset in conversation using the non-skills learned from my non-degree in Theatre Arts. Also, strangely enough, dating doesn't activate my anxiety nearly as much as other social interactions. Yay!

In the last six or so years, I've become very aware of my privilege as a cis-gendered, heterosexual white man. It's radically shifted my perspective of, well, EVERYTHING, and in particular how I view my own male gamer demographic and the unfulfilled entitlement that spawns much of our resentment and insensitivity. Overcoming that was (and still is) a challenge, and one I am happy to meet. Boy howdy.

I'm in a committed realtionship with foulowl, who is awesome and lovely and supportive and I am a stupidly lucky guy for having her in my life.

TL;DR: I'm a sometimes-awkward, late-twenties, polyamorous, Bay Area gamer dork.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Working in tech for a living, sipping craft beer for fun, and chilling with my lady. Trying to get back into my homebaking and homebrewing hobbies, but the going is slow. On the backburner is blacksmithing. I am quite proud of the rebar cheese knives I made, but the Crucible is expensive, man.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Finding misplaced objects, baking bread (though it's less "really good" and more "not terrible"), self-mockery, proofreading, carrying groceries, and cat-wrestling.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
People have commented on my eyes, my vocabulary (oh my, it's so big), the sometimes-odd way I emote, my accent (California-raised, but I can stretch my vowels weirdly), and my rings. I like rings. They are... precious to me.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Disclaimer: These aren't necessarily my favorites, but they spring to mind.

Authors: N. K. Jemisin (The Inheritance trilogy), Douglas Adams (The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy), Terry Pratchett (Good Omens), China Miéville (Perdido Street Station), Octavia Butler (Fledgling), Alan Moore (Top Ten), and Neil Gaiman (Anansi Boys).

Movies: Lord of the Rings (I prefer the movies to the books), Brick, Princess Mononoke, Alien, The Prestige, Pan's Labyrinth, Star Wars: Episodes IV through VI (very excited for Episode VII), the Fifth Element, and Die Hard.

Shows: Steven Universe, Bob's Burgers, Adventure Time, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Cowboy Bebop, Buffy (though I'm cooling on Joss Whedon), Luther, X Files, Clone High, and the Wire (which may be the most perfect television I've seen).

Music: Most of my music collection is gaming soundtracks, remixes, and chiptunes. Exceptions include Johnny Cash, Daftpunk, and Beyoncé (there is a time and a place for "Blow" to get stuck in your head, and 2:00 PM in the office is NOT it).

Food: Burgers and bread are passions for me, and I can speak at length about both. Sandwiches of any kind are high in my esteem. I love Mexican, too (like any good Californian boy). Korean food is fucking amazing. There's an Off The Grid market near my work three times a week; my favorite trucks are KoJa Kitchen, Mayo and Mustard, and Fins on the Hoof.

Beer: Stouts and IPAs are my favorites, with all manner of Belgian ales close behind. I'm also starting to like sours. The only styles of beer I come close to disliking outright are most types of lagers, and that's just because I'd rather have an ale. In terms of brewers, I like Cascade, Dogfish Head, Lagunitas, Green Flash, Ballast Point, North Coast, Stone, Allagash, and Goose Island (begrudgingly, since Anheuser-Busch owns them). Also, I have a "cellar" set up in my closet. Lemme tell ya, aging beer is VERY difficult. It just keeps disappearing (because I can't stop drinking it).

Video Games: Mass Effect, Dark Souls, Hearthstone, Binding of Isaac, Nuclear Throne, Spelunky, Fallout, Half-Life, Team Fortress 2, Portal, Super Meat Boy, and why the hell not, Final Fantasy VII.

TL;DR: I don't think this applies as much here, but here goes. Sci-fi and fantasy, gaming music, burgers and craft beer, and first-person shooters and indie games.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1. Entertainment: From games to sci-fi/fantasy novels to sex, having fun is serious business for me.

2. Yeast: In order of priority, beer, bread and kimchi are some of my favorite things to put in my body. Fermentation for the win.

3. Fresh Food, Good Cooking: Avocados, burgers, expensive cheeses, my mom's pie. The application of effort and expertise to well-grown, well-raised organic matter.

4. Information: Namely teh interwebs. And I don't always pay attention to everything, but dammit, I at least want access to knowledge.

5. Rules: Sounds odd, but here's my take: they make language function, they make games enjoyable, and they make sex consensual and fun. Even Calvinball has rules.

6. Companionship: From my partners to my pets. I need the satisfaction and contentment that comes from understanding and being understood by another living thing.

TL;DR: Fun, fermentation, food, facts, fiats, friendship. Okay, "fiats" is a bit of a stretch for "rules," but I was on an alliteration roll.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
In no particular order: wordplay, sex, social justice, dogs, and beer.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Because of the social anxiety I mentioned in my self-summary (which you read in depth of course), I default to staying in to play video games, drink beer, and watch movies. Thrilling, yes? I do sometimes go out for libations, though!

Crowds of hot young hipsters bother me, so I don't leave my apartment during Art Murmur. No exceptions.

...Okay, well, I'm physically and emotionally capable of making an exception, but I TOTALLY WON'T.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
The serious answer is that I suffer from social anxiety, which turns most interactions with other humans into spiraling analyses of power dynamics, motivation, phrasing, tone, body language, and context.

The less-serious answer is that I secretly covet almost every single dog I see. I take this as a sign that I should, oh, I don't know, GET A DOG, but my current living situation (read: neurotic cat) precludes that possibility.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
I can be pretty terrible at making first contact (though it's something at which I'm continuously getting better). If you're interested, send me a message!

That said, you should also message me if:

- You understand and are down with my emotional commitment to all of my partners.
- You find me attractive and want to determine if I'm worth your time.
- You want to talk about or play video games, talk about or drink beer, or talk about or eat food.

Bonus points if you're experienced with open relationships and the EXCELLENT written and verbal communication skills navigating them requires.

Also, bonus points if you have short hair. But, um, if you have long hair, you still get bonus points. Bonus points for everyone!

TL;DR: When in doubt, go ahead and message me!