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29 Oakland, CA Man


I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 25–35
  • Near me
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Atheism, and somewhat serious about it
Scorpio, but it doesn’t matter
Dropped out of university
Relationship Status
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids, but wants them
Likes dogs and has cats
English (Fluently)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
NOTICE: For your browsing convenience, I've added a TL;DR to the bottom of my lengthier sections. So scroll down if you're impatient!

Hello! I'm Thistlebee! I am a twenty-nine-year-old Californian human! I'm in a committed relationship with my girlfriend of ten years, and said relationship is open. Tantalizingly open. Delightfully open! Gloriously open?

Less tantalizing, delightful and glorious is my social anxiety. Interacting with (most) humans builds up stress in my brainses, and I need time to myself to decompress. However, I've been told this anxiety doesn't show when I'm on a date. I attribute this to my non-degree in Theatre Arts leading to a non-career in acting. That, and I'm usually VERY excited to go out on dates, so that offsets the strain a bit.

In the last five or so years, I've become very aware of my privilege as a cis-gendered, heterosexual white man. I've learned all sorts of new terminology, such as "mansplaining," "male gaze," and "othering/eating the other." I do my best to be a feminist, LGBTQ and POC ally, but even then, "ally" is kinda becoming a safety zone, like "oh good I'm an ally now so I don't have to worry about this shit anymore." Suffice to say it is and will be an ongoing process, as well it should.

Also, while I very much enjoy playing video games, I can't really self-identify as a "gamer" anymore. The label is starting to say more about a person's politics and attitude than about their interests, and in the case of my fellow straight white men, it's saying we're juvenile, misogynist, racist, queer-phobic, and outright dangerous. Games are still my main hobby, though, and I intend to keep quashing hate in gaming when I see it.

Lastly, the internet tells me I'm INTJ, for those who like four-letter combinations.

If you're curious about my girlfriend, she's foulowl and she's awesome.

TL;DR: I'm a sometimes-awkward, late-twenties, Bay Area dork in an open relationship.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Working in tech for a living, sipping on craft beer for fun, and chilling with my lady. Trying to get back into my homebaking and homebrewing hobbies, but the going is slow. On the backburner is blacksmithing. Gotta get back to the Crucible someday.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Finding misplaced objects, baking bread (though I wouldn't say "really" good), self-mockery, gracefully accepting mockery from others, carrying groceries, and cat-wrestling.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
People have commented on my eyes, my vocabulary (oh my, it's so big), the way I emote, my accent (California-raised, but I stretch my vowels oddly sometimes), and my rings.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Disclaimer: These aren't necessarily my favorites, but they spring to mind.

Authors: N. K. Jemisin, Douglas Adams, Terry Pratchett, China Mieville, Octavia Butler, Alan Moore, and Neil Gaiman.

Movies: Lord of the Rings (they're better than the books and I'll defend that position to the death or the successful refutation thereof), Brick, Princess Mononoke, Alien, The Prestige, Pan's Labyrinth, Star Wars: Episodes IV through VI, the Fifth Element, and Die Hard.

Shows: Bob's Burgers, Adventure Time, Regular Show, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Cowboy Bebop, Buffy, Luther, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, The Office, X Files, Clone High, and the Wire (which may be the most perfect television I've seen).

Music: Most of my music collection is gaming soundtracks, remixes, and chiptunes. Exceptions include Johnny Cash, Daftpunk, and Beyoncé (there is a time and a place for "Blow" to get stuck in your head, and 2:00 PM in the office is NOT it).

Food: Burgers and bread are passions for me, and I can speak at length about both. I'll be happy to tell you why bacon is a poor choice to order on your burger despite how delicious it is. Sandwiches of any kind are high in my esteem. I love Mexican, too (like any good Californian boy). Korean food is fucking amazing. There's an Off The Grid market near my work three times a week; my favorite trucks are KoJa Kitchen, Old World Food Truck, and Rib Whip (solely for Grandma Ruth's buttermilk pie).

Beer: Stouts and IPAs are my favorites, with all manner of Belgian ales close behind. I'm starting to like sours and I'm SO PROUD OF MYSELF. The only style of beer I come close to disliking outright is most types of lagers, and that's just because I'd rather have an ale. In terms of brewers, I like Dogfish Head, Green Flash, Ballast Point, North Coast, Stone, Allagash, and Goose Island (begrudgingly, since Anheuser-Busch owns them).

Video Games: Hearthstone, Binding of Isaac, Nuclear Throne, Spelunky, Fallout, Half-Life, Team Fortress 2, Mass Effect, Portal, Super Meat Boy, and why the hell not, Final Fantasy VII.

TL;DR: I don't think this applies as much here, but here goes. Sci-fi and fantasy, whatever's on the radio, burgers and craft beer, and first-person shooters and indie games.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1. Entertainment: From games to sci-fi/fantasy novels to sex, having fun is serious business for me.

2. Yeast: In order of priority, beer, bread and kimchi are some of my favorite things to put in my body. Fermentation for the win.

3. Fresh Food, Good Cooking: Avocados, burgers, expensive cheeses, my mom's pie. The application of effort and expertise to well-grown, well-raised organic matter.

4. Information: Namely teh interwebs. And I don't always pay attention to everything, but dammit, I at least want access to knowledge.

5. Rules: Sounds odd, but here's my take: they make language function, they make games enjoyable, and they make sex consensual and fun. Even Calvinball has rules.

6. Companionship: From my girlfriend to my pets. I need the satisfaction and contentment that comes from understanding and being understood by another living thing.

TL;DR: Fun, fermentation, food, facts, fiats, friendship. Okay, "fiats" is a bit of a stretch for "rules," but I was on an alliteration roll.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
In no particular order: wordplay, sex, social justice, dogs, and beer.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Because of the social anxiety I mentioned in my self-summary (which you read in depth of course), I default to staying in to play video games, drink beer, and watch movies with my lady. Thrilling, yes? I do sometimes go out for libations, though!

Crowds of hot young hipsters bother me, so I don't leave my apartment during Art Murmur. No exceptions.

...Okay, well, I'm physically and emotionally capable of making an exception, but I TOTALLY WON'T.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have conversations with my cat when we're alone. Which isn't actually all that uncommon, I think, but I also do his side of the conversation, which is decidedly LESS common.

He has a high-pitched voice and is surprisingly eloquent.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
I can be pretty terrible at making first contact (though it's something at which I'm continuously getting better). If you're interested, send me a message.

That said, you should also message me if:

- You understand and are down with my commitment to my girlfriend.
- You're not interested in me at all but are curious about my lady.
- You find me attractive and want to find out if I'm worth your time.
- You want to talk about or play video games, talk about or drink beer, or talk about or eat food.

Bonus points if you're experienced with open relationships and the EXCELLENT written and verbal communication skills navigating them requires.

Also, bonus points if you have short hair. But, um, if you have long hair, you still get bonus points. Bonus points for everyone!

TL;DR: When in doubt, go ahead and message me!