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29 M Washington, DC

My Details

Last Online
Apr 13
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
Leo, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t want kids
English, Ancient Greek (Poorly), Latin (Poorly), Spanish (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Man, I hate this section, and after what has to be the third re-write, I'm just going to have to tell you to keep reading and come to your own conclusions, which I can only assume will be along the lines of, "He's so smart and yet so funny!" or possibly, "This is the pinnacle of humanity in online dating profile form."

Supplemental summary: I am also modest.
What I’m doing with my life
I would call myself a glorified paralegal except that I'm not sure I'm actually glorified vis-a-vis paralegals.
I’m really good at
At this very moment, I feel like I'm really great at everything in the world that's not filling out profiles with my interests and humorous-but-not-too-embarrassing facts about myself.
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm sure there's someone I've met at some point who didn't automatically assume I was a huge nerd the instant we met. Positive. In fairness, they're probably mostly right.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I hate general favorites like these, so instead I'm going to put favorites that I can actually process instead of stewing for hours over how exactly I can compare Nate Silver to Homer. Plus, I'd rather have a conversation about, say, the relative merits of Donatello the Ninja Turtle and Donatello the artist than just list a bunch of authors I kind of like (PS. Leonardo the Turtle is orders of magnitude better than Leonardo the Dilettante).

Favorite Empire: The Byzantine Empire
Favorite Founding Father: Alexander Hamilton forever and always
Favorite Saturday morning cartoon romance: Zarana and Mainframe on GI Joe
Favorite depiction of the Old West: Mark Twain's Roughing It
Favorite sad song about a mythical creature, non-Mountain Goats division: The Argus by Ween
Favorite alternative cosmology: "It's turtles all the way down"
Second favorite alternative cosmology: The spider-filled outhouse of the afterlife in Crime and Punishment
Favorite goofball: Chris Pratt in anything he's ever done
Favorite archaeologist: Heinrich Schliemann, discoverer of Troy (yes, I believe that he did, and yes, I will argue about it)
Favorite song to belt when I'm drunk: Since U Been Gone
Favorite non-breakup song to belt anytime: Ignition (Remix)
Favorite fictional robot: Crooooooooooow (T. Robot)
Favorite fictional android: Definitely someone from Battlestar Galactica. I would say Boomer as an android, [SPOILER] as a character.
The six things I could never do without
1) The four books I'm currently in the process of reading
2) Some way to access the Internet
3) My cell phone, I guess? I don't use it much but I'd probably miss it if it were gone.
4) Almonds/saltines/gummy worms
5) I dunno, I don't really NEED things to live. I can get by with sticks and mud if I have to. The things you own end up owning you, man.
6) Apparently, my own self-righteous and borderline delusional sense of personal minimalism.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
I've collected quite a few outlandish theories about pop culture and I'm always on the lookout for more thoughts to accompany, for example, my conviction that "I'm N Luv (Wit A Stripper)" is a song of unbearable tragedy and pain.
On a typical Friday night I am
Celebrating my escape in whatever way seems best at the time.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I mostly grew the beard to stop people from thinking I'm still in high school.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 24–34
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, short-term dating
You should message me if
you laughed while reading this. Alternatively, if you'd like an extra for some sort of trivia contest, because I'm pretty good at that sort of thing and, so far, all it's got me is a futile Jeopardy audition and an occasional bar tab.