I'm Chris. As I am in possession of a Y chromosome, I have all the requisite loves: video games, sports, beer, etc. but that isn't my whole personality. I'm going to be a fabulously wealthy and famous author in the near future, so get to know me now if you want to get on the yacht list. (That's my list of people for whom I will be purchasing a yacht.)

I love stimulating conversation because I'm just fascinated by the opinions people have and the reasoning they put behind them.

I'm a little scatterbrained, but I promise it's in an endearing, absent-minded professor sort of way. Everything I own has its place--it's just that a lot of times that place is somewhere on the bedroom floor.

I can't sing or dance, but that doesn't stop me from doing either.

By day I work as a doughman at Gumby's downtown. I make the dough and sauce for your pizza and Pokey Stix. My workday typically consists of chucking around 100 lb. batches of dough and kneading them into balls for seven hours, so I'm developing some pretty sweet forearms and a manly kung-fu grip if you're into that sort of thing. Or if you're a Popeye fan.

By night I find gigs as a freelance writer and editor. I'm currently working on a novel as well, and doing some expansion and editing on the one I wrote last year.

Sarcastic, self-deprecating humor. Making people laugh is one of my favorite things to do.

I love telling stories, and I must be good at it, because every time I tell one, I notice that the room goes silent and everyone's staring at me, hanging on my every word, just waiting to... what? Laugh? Cry? Throw up a little? It all depends on the story.

I inspire tremendous loyalty in my friends.

I have a strong drive to help others. I'm the one that people come to if they need to confide in someone or want a little advice. I'm proud of that.

Cooking, though I don't do it nearly as much as I should.

Mario Kart.

The fact that I walk on my toes sometimes. Stop laughing, I'm trying to quit. It's entirely subconscious and I never notice myself doing it, but I do know this: walking around on my toes for 25 years has given me some pretty great calves.

Books: Probably my favorite book of all time is Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card, though Love Monkey by Kyle Smith is way, way up there. I recently became dangerously obsessed with the Scott Pilgrim series. I read through all six twice and then started lending them out to my friends to spread the gospel of Bryan Lee O'Malley. They've been making the rounds throughout Columbia for a few months now. I miss them.

I have a BA in English. I read a lot.

Movies: This is a lot like listing favorite books. I've seen so many great movies that I'm sure I'll forget some of my favorites... Okay, I love pretty much anything Quentin Tarantino touches, though I haven't seen Jackie Brown yet. I seem to favor brothers, also: the Coen brothers, the Nolan brothers, the Wachowski brothers.

When it comes to comedies, I can appreciate highbrow (A Fish Called Wanda, Burn After Reading, Sideways, Big Lebowski) and lowbrow. I can quote the following movies in their entirety: Tommy Boy, Happy Gilmore, Black Sheep, Billy Madison, and Office Space. I love Monty Python because they are the source of about 50% of the inside jokes I share with my dad.

Music: Hoo boy. Okay, understand that I mean it when I say I like everything. Ask me what my favorite bands are today and I'll give you a different answer tomorrow. In fact, my musical tastes shift pretty wildly from hour to hour, much less day to day. There are some that remain constant I suppose. Led Zeppelin, The Stones, Queen, Queens of the Stone Age, Muse, CCR, White Stripes, Black Keys, The Strokes. Music is pretty important to me.

Lately I've been leaning toward more recent indie stuff. Mynabirds, The Evens, Florence and the Machine, Grizzly Bear... oh, and Shad can lay it down. Apparently hip hop isn't dead, it just moved up to Canada. File that under "Things I Never Thought I'd Say."

Food: I could probably eat Mexican food every day and never get tired of it. The same could be said of Italian. I make some damn tasty meatballs if you're interested. I just discovered the utter joy that is Indian food. And of course, life would be hollow without a delicious burger now and again.

Speaking of which, hit me up if you want a bacon cheeseburger that will blow your mind.

1. Cliche though it is, my family. My dad taught me that family always comes first.
2. New, exciting music. I absolutely love the feeling of hearing a song for the first time that I know will become a new favorite.
3. Taco Bell. I eat there on a weekly basis. It's going to kill me someday, but hey... at least I will have died doing what I loved.
4. Cartoons. I will freely admit that over three quarters of my jokes are stolen outright from The Simpsons and Futurama. Well, maybe that's exaggerating, but not by much. Also, Adventure Time is officially the awesomest thing on TV right now. Mathematical!
5. My big, comfy bed. Oh how I love you, pillowtop mattress and memory foam pillows.
6. My computer. Built her myself from parts four years ago and she still runs whatever I throw at her.

Whatever book I'm working on, and how to make it better.

Whether the Butthole Surfers are surfers who are buttholes, or if they are people who somehow surf upon butthole waves. I'm really hoping it's the former.

Out at the movies, hanging out on the patio with a beer at the 'Berg, or maybe getting drunk and playing Monopoly or trying to beat Mario Bros. 3. I don't really know what we're going to do every week, but my friends and I always get together and do something.

I wear holiday-themed boxers at seasonally-inappropriate times.

You're a smart, passionate woman with big ideas and dreams and you're looking for someone to share them with.

Or if you are willing to pay bucks deluxe for the Gumby's Secret Dough Recipe.

Or if you have a cool dog for me to hang out with.