In 2004, when I lost my job, I kinda forgot who I was. I mean, I knew who I *was*, but I didn't feel like that person at all anymore. So I went off and did a bunch of stuff that was very unlike me, like becoming Tina Belmont, becoming a musician, falling in love, stuff like that.

Over the last year or so, I started to feel more like the person I used to be. I sort of started to remember why I liked some of the things that I used to like, and other things that I had been doing since then lost some of their appeal.

The upshot is that I'm doing a lot more programming, watching anime, and (unfortunately) being lonely, and a lot less being "Tina", going to clubs, and playing live music. I don't regret or dislike any of those things, it just seems like my priorities have changed.

I think I've still retained a lot of the good things I've learned since my life originally imploded in 2004, but I think I've also regained a lot of the good things that I had lost.

I don't know where I'm going, and I'm not really sure where I've been, but I think I'm better than I was before.

Well, my girlfriend and I just had an amicable breakup. Although we were nice about it, it still hurts a little. It was probably for the best, though.

I try to think back on all of the things I've learned during this relationship. I'm sure I should have learned more. I'm sure that there are somethings that I am NOT going to write here. Here are a few things that I'm willing to share:

If you are going to be kissing anybody on a regular basis, always keep mints handy. Fresh breath is more attractive.

I really just don't like dogs. They smell bad. They ignore personal boundaries. They have lots of hard edges and like to push them into you. They like to eat poo and then lick you with the same tongue.

I prefer people whose only need for me is emotional. I enjoy helping very much, but I like people who can take care of themselves. (This was a win in the relationship, BTW.)

Nakedness, by itself, does not turn me on.

I've become somewhat less scared in bed, but I'm still rather bad at sex. Let's leave it at that.

Trying to actually *sleep* in a bed with another person is rather difficult.

I will now admit that there is occasionally entertaining stuff on TV. TiVo makes it barely palatable. But even the "good" shows are generally completely ridiculous. For me to really enjoy a show, it has to be so completely divorced from reality that one no longer suspends disbelief but rather revels in it.

I still hate game shows.

I really like to get out and do stuff. I thought that maybe if I was in a relationship I'd just want to stay in all the time, but so far I've found that camping in front of the TV every day makes me restless.

I seem to have a thing about sharing meals with people. It seems like the optimal social thing to do for me.

I need to share some creative endeavor with my mate. Music, writing, art... something we can do together, something we can talk about and brainstorm on.

My tastes in entertainment (anime, science-fiction, new-wave and indie rock, Japanese and asian things, and trannydom) make it difficult to find things to relate to with other people.

People who can handle my trannydom in the abstract sense may still freak out about it when we actually try to do stuff together while I am being Tina. Picking up on that vibe makes me feel less confident about it as well.

I'm still really shy around new people, unless we share a common geekdom. I don't integrate well into new social situations.

Try as I might, evidently I'm still lacking in tact. And I thought I had gotten better...

I'm not a comedienne. My jokes are corny or are puns. Even geeks don't think my jokes are funny. The only time people laugh are when I'm not making a joke...

"Keep calm, and carry on."

As I am a transvestite, I am a part of the transgender community. Tuesday is the "Transgender Day of Remembrance" other wise known as "Remember our Dead", an annual event where we remember transgender people who died of hate crimes.

I don't think this is a good idea.

I believe that this paints us as being victims, and reminds the rest of the world that they are supposed to hate us. I spend a lot of time trying to represent my transgender identity as being fabulous, fun, fashionable, and generally super awesome, and this completely undermines that.

I don't deny the tragedy of the people who died, or the horribleness of hate crimes, or even the need for legislation specifically protecting expression of gender identity (as was recently REMOVED from the ENDA anti-discrimination bill.) But I think we are better served by putting a positive face on ourselves.

Of course, there are some out there who would say that, as I am a transvestite and not a transsexual, I am not really a member of the transgender community, and should not speak for them. All I can really say to that is "United we stand, divided we fall..." I think I put a better face on our community than many of the current role models.

My show last Saturday at the Mr. B Restaurant in Burbank was really awesome! Special thanks to everyone who came out to see me play... it was great to see everyone, and I had a great time!

Special thanks to Rover's Pinky and Gina B who booked me for the show. You folks are awesome!

For those of you who didn't make it, you can check out my music and videos on my website at http://www.tinabelmont.com .

If you'd like to be on my e-mail or telephone lists, please sent your name and e-mail and/or phone number to me here and I'll be sure that you are on it!

Thanks again!
.Tina.
http://www.tinabelmont.com

Ice cream is the answer to all of life's problems.

If it doesn't work at first, try it with sprinkles.

Wearing a funny hat may aid in recovery.

When it comes to right and wrong, which of the following do you think has the greatest impact on your belief system?

• Religion.
• Family and/or friends.
• Laws.
• Self interest.

I think my internal knowledge of right and wrong is stronger than any of the choices given. I have a very strong internal moral code that is not related to religion, the law, or what other's think, and is not about what is in my self-interest.

Do you believe in the power of prayer?

• Yes.
• No.

I believe in the power of positive thinking, which prayer is. I don't believe that a higher power is listening and granting wishes.

This was my response to the article : "The Fermi Paradox: Back with a Vengance".

http://sentientdevelopments.blogspot.com/2007/08/fermi-paradox-back-with-vengeance.html

For those who don't know, the "Fermi Paradox" asks why we haven't found any extraterrestrial life yet if the universe is so vast... surely some other civilization more advanced than ours would have found us by now?

My response:

I wonder if we would recognize intelligent life if we saw it? It may be unreasonable to expect that it would be existing in either a similar time scale, or a similar size scale to ourselves.

What if other civilizations are existing at the sub-atomic level? Or what if we are at the sub-atomic level to them, and all of the planets, stars, and galaxies are but the quarks and leptons of a single atom of a much larger being?

What if other civilizations perceive time much more slowly than we have, and our existence has not even registered with them yet? Or else, what if they perceive it much more quickly, and they rise and fall over and over again in less than the time it takes to blink our eyes?

What if other beings and civilizations exist in the electromagnetic spectrum as radio waves? Or as light? Or as gravitational forces? Would they even be aware of us? Perhaps our electronics are killing them off every second?

Let us always consider that alien life may, indeed, be ALIEN.

The other day, I posted Jennifer Diane Reitz COGIATI transgender test to OkCupid. You can find it at

http://.okcupid.com/tests/18400278520976255320/C.O.G.I.A.T.I.-(transgender)

Occasionally, I look in on it and see what kinds of people are taking it, and what their scores are.

It would be nice if I could get some more elaborate statistical analysis on how people answer each question, so perhaps I could come up with a better, more tuned test. I've noticed that, of the stats they do provide, the stats for men vs. women don't seem to work properly. It reports no men as taking the test, where I can see that many actually have.

It would be very convenient if I could have more than four answers to questions. Five is really necessary for this test, but a few more would be very useful. I'm considering preparing a version of the test that is more generic, but I'm not sure that it would be possible to make it decent in the OkCupid framework.

It is interesting that, so far as I can tell, no one has gotten a score higher than "ANDROGYNE"... I don't know if that says more about the test, or about the self-selected test takers.

As for my own results... I've taken the test many times, and usually fall in the ANDROGYNE range myself. I've gotten scores varying from 47% to 55%. There are many questions that I could answer several different ways, and on repeated takings, one tends to skew ones answers to fit the results one desires.

It would be nice to be able to scramble the order of the answers randomly each time, just to catch people off guard and get more honest results.

I'd be curious to hear people's reasons for taking the test, and how they felt about their results.

I'm rather new to the whole dating thing (I thought I wasn't allowed for a long time) so I've been trying to determine the rules of dating.

One thing I've discovered is that just because a girl has a boyfriend, doesn't mean that she is unavailable. It just means that she hasn't decided to be available to ~ME~ yet. Evidently girls usually just string along the one they are with until they decide to date somebody else.

The question becomes... how long should I wait around in the "she's got a boyfriend" limbo before giving up, moving on, etc.? If she's still returning my calls, does that mean I'm still in the running?

The dating rules are so complicated...