I only use Twitter to sexually harass B-list celebrities.
I used to think that I could grow to be 5'7" through sheer will power and strength of mind. The jury's still out on that one.
Aubrey Plaza and I would be friends if we knew each other.
I absolutely love to go to the aquarium and pet the Sting Rays. I always get guilted into buying those nasty, overpriced, frozen anchovies to feed them because if the situation were reversed and Sting Rays wanted to pet me, I'd at least like an oreo or something. Maybe a gumball.
Mr. Burns is my favorite character on The Simpsons. Fat Tony is a close second.
It may be time for a hair cut. My hair currently falls past my hip bones and I think it's gotten to that point of being crazy-person long. Like extreme religious sect long. Like wear-a-Little-House-on-the-Prairie-dress and marry-a-sixty-three-year-old long. Yep, time a trim.
I do not suggest trying to knit while high.
On a more serious note, I am only interested in making new friends. I'm not looking to have a friends with benefits situation or to hook up with anybody. I also am not looking for the type of friendship that is expected to blossom into a romantic relationship. I know that this is rather abrupt, but experience has taught me that if I don't establish this boundary early and often, feelings/egos get hurt.