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Toomdy

28 M Bordentown, NJ

My Details

Last Online
Jan 17, 2010
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 9″ (1.75m)
Body Type
Diet
Smokes
No
Drinks
Rarely
Drugs
Never
Religion
Atheism
Sign
Sagittarius, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Dropped out of university
Job
Science / Engineering
Income
$40,000–$50,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Pets
Likes dogs
Speaks
English

Similar Users

My self-summary
I'm just a lonely fellow looking for a serious relationship with a light hearted young lady.

Holy cow, they make you write so much here!
Gonna fill up the rest of this summary with some copy-pasted lines from this hilarious play some dude wrote up. Just ignore it.

[THE BIG LEBOWSKI’s castle. Enter THE KNAVE and BRANDT]

BRANDT
My lord is a man of accomplishment of many years, good traveling Knave; I pray you examine these honours and colours, proof of life well-lived. See here, the key to an old city, once defended against man and beast; and there, a commendation for men of business, bestowed not by the twelvemonth but by the mettle of the man.

THE KNAVE
Is that the Queen I see before me, render’d in oil-paints?

BRANDT
Indeed that is Sir Geoffrey of Lebowski, attending the Queen in humble fealty, during her blessèd reign; as Queen, I remind you, not as Princess.

THE KNAVE
Faith, an excellent tale.

BRANDT
I have not yet told all; indeed Sir Lebowski did counsel the King himself, it is said, though, alas!, uncaptured in timely artistry.

THE KNAVE
A man of many faculties.

BRANDT
As many as capabilities, yet always one to boost his reach. Here you may glimpse a record of his children.

THE KNAVE
A care-crazed father of a many children; it is a wise father that knows his own child. An excellent list for a man of no doubt excellent issue.

BRANDT
An amiable jest! Nay, I’d call’d his children his, but they come not of his loins, thou understand’st.

THE KNAVE
A cuckold, he?

BRANDT
A most subtle jest! Nay, but children of the inner city, of good promise, resolved to study but without the means. My lord resolves that they will all attend the university.

THE KNAVE
Verily!—Mine own years in the university hath fled my memory, though I recall some happy hours in the homes of various headmasters, the smoking of the pipe, breaking into the armory, and playing at ninepins.

[Enter LEBOWSKI, on a cart. Exit BRANDT]

LEBOWSKI
Marry, sir!—You be Lebowski, I be Lebowski, ‘tis a wondrous strange comedy of errors. But I am a man of business, as I imagine you are; tell me what you’d have me do for you.

THE KNAVE
Sir, I possess a rug, that, i’faith, tied the room together—

LEBOWSKI
You sent Brandt a messenger on horseback; he inform’d me. Where is my fitting?

THE KNAVE
They sought thee, these two gentlemen—

LEBOWSKI
I shall repeat; you sent Brandt a messenger on horseback; he inform’d me. Where is my fitting?

THE KNAVE
Then thou art aware ‘twas thy rug, sir, that was the target of this crime.

LEBOWSKI
Was it I, sir, who urinated on your rug?

THE KNAVE
Not in person, sir—but if a man is his name, and his reputation his indelible inkstain, surely thy sea of care is tormented; what tongue shall smooth thy name?

LEBOWSKI
Make me to understand, sir, for you are slow of speech as I of step, and I am unsatisfied in motive. When any rug is micturated upon within these city walls, must I stand accountable? Or are you as one of a thousand rogues, fishing for sixpence betwixt another man’s pursestrings? Are you a labourer, Master Lebowski, earning that you eat, getting that you wear?

THE KNAVE
Let me not to the marriage of false impressions deny impediments. I am not Master Lebowski; thou art Master Lebowski. I am the Knave, called the Knave. Or His Knaveness, or mayhap Knaver, or mayhap El Knaverino, in the manner of the Spaniard, if brevity be not in thy soul nor wit. A Knave by any other name would abide just as well.

LEBOWSKI
Have you employment, sir? Surely you hope not to pledge fealty nor till the earth in such roughly fashioned armour, invested in thy motley, clad as a jack-a-dandy on a Sunday?

THE KNAVE
I know not; what week-day, friends, is this?

LEBOWSKI
I tire, and cannot tarry; I am more busy than the labouring spider, and dwell on the iron tread as a man of constant pursuits. Thus, I pray you, you this way and I that way.

THE KNAVE
I must protest; the Knave minds. This will not stand, this uncheck’d aggression; for your strength of mighty kings and masters of the earth did not keep your wife from owing, a borrower and a lender being.

LEBOWSKI
My wife is not the issue here. I toil in hopes that she will shed her frivolities, rash and unadvised, and live within her allowance, which is in very ample virtue. Her mortal failures are her burden, as surely as your rug is your burden, and, verily, the burdens of every man be his own, and ‘tis in themselves that they be thus or thus. I’ll blame none for the loss of my legs. Some man of Orient birth robbed them from me as spoils of war; faith, who stole my legs stole trash, and I sallied forth and achieved in any aspect. Some are born achievers, some achieve greatly, and some have achievement thrust upon ‘em. Beseech me not!

THE KNAVE
Ah, a pox upon’t!

LEBOWSKI
Indeed! “A pox upon’t!” ‘Tis your answer to everything. Your merry revels have ended, sir. Condolences. The rogues lost; the rogues have always lost, will always lose, and so it will be tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.

[Exit LEBOWSKI; enter BRANDT]

BRANDT
Good Master Lebowski. Did you enjoy meeting my honourable lord?

THE KNAVE
Truly, sir, a gentle marvelous;
He bade me take any rug in the house.

[Exeunt]

I am silly, dumb, and nervous
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 21–42
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating