1. I've reviewed your profile (not just your pics) and I favorite you.
2. You check out my pictures and find me to be the most attractive, humorous, intelligent man you have ever laid eyes on. If you do not find this to be the case, please consider how crazy, weird, (insert negative adjective here) your ex was and how you would like to meet someone rad!
3. You decide you can live with my sarcasm because hey, everyone loves to laugh, right?
4. You RETURN the favorite. Its a flourish of the wrist and a click with your finger, with a 70% probability its with your right hand! Not to leave the lefties out, please extrapolate.
5. I'll then forward your profile to my mother for approval!
6. She will run a thorough background check, criminal history, etc, and provide the requisite approval to proceed. If you dont make it past her approval you will never hear from me again. I'm sorry, she gets the final say! Its her basement after all and she cooks all my meals.
7. I will then respond with an email to let you know that did in fact read your profile.
8. I am still the most attractive, humorous and intelligent man you have ever laid eyes on.
9. We establish mutual sanity over the course of 6 emails total. 3 from me and 3 from you. On the 6th email you will provide a method to get a hold of you.
10. We decide we are going to meet for a date, This is where things may get a little weird! We will not be meeting at a bar at 7PM for drinks. Heresy you say? Probably. We are going to go do something fun! Frisbee, a driving range, a Crossfit workout (WOD), run the convention center stairs, explore someplace new, go for a hike, trivia night, cooking lessons etc. My requirements for a "date" are (learn something new, meet new people, exercise, enjoy nature, or an adrenaline rush, in any particular combination or order).
If we made it this far, Congrats to us. We have met someone new, learned something new and enjoyed a slice of life! This makes us better people, takes all the pressure off "performing" in a bar.
Here is a little about me to show you I can back up steps 2 and 8:
*** I'm Rob. I'm insanely optimistic about life and love. I'm not scared or intimidated by much. I dislike societal norms. I enjoy doing good things for people. I love it when people influence me in a positive way. I dislike pretentious people.
*** I work as a VP for a Healthcare IT consulting company and I'm also an strategy and advisory consultant for a very large hospital system. I'm super fun at Christmas parties when people ask what I do.
*** In any relationship, you want to feel safe. You want to feel trust toward the person you're with. You want honesty. You want love. You want an emotionally mature and available partner. You want good, respectful communication. You want it to be light and amazingly fun. Thats how I roll!
*** I'm very sex positive (an ideology which promotes and embraces all sexuality, regards all consensual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, and encourages sexual pleasure and experimentation).
***I love having fun (to varying degrees of maturity, beer pong and poker are personal favorites, I just dont get to do them very often)
*** I have a lot of great life experience, I've lived in WA, OR, CA, ID, HI and Canada (shhh, I'm Canadian)
You know what to do. Please review 2, 3, 4, 8, 9 and provide input on 10.