I thought instead of quoting from my pantheon on a whim I might try and present myself as a real person. I guess I avoid as much because it's kind of hard to explain the rut that I have found myself in for the last two years or so.

I guess these have been the worst years of my life so far. All the old tricks that used to keep me going no longer work. I feel detached and removed from almost everything but I still believe that I can get my life back on track.

"Perhaps it's done already, perhaps they have said me already, perhaps they have carried me to the threshold of my story, before the door that opens on my story, that would surprise me, if it opens, it will be I, it will be the silence, where I am, I don't know, I'll never know, in the silence you don't know, you must go on, I can't go on, I'll go on."

The picture of me above is from when I used to be in a band. Probably the best time of my life. We recorded an EP in Sydney. I woke up each day and did something I love with a group of like-minded people. I was in a very loving long term relationship. We all moved to Melbourne and things were still okay for a while. The band broke up soon after but I continued studying at Uni over there. Things weren't perfect but I didn't feel alone. After spending two years there I came back to Perth with absolutely nothing, running home to Ma. This doesn't feel like home anymore. I lost the people I love and for all my flaws and mistakes, it wasn't my fault.

Here's the trouble I have with talking about myself. You pick out certain events in the past and the future and you change your story to suit them. We look back and think we are making sense of things but so often we are just imposing sense.

I know this is the wrong place to be honest. I don't care. I above all want to feel connected to something again. I interact poorly with this environment.

Despite this lament, I do feel like I have a lot to offer if I met the right person. I am caring, gentle, willing to commit. I want to experience love again.

Also, I do have a sense of humour and it is often what keeps me going.

Admittedly, not much. I have often been a man of big ideas and aspirations; dreams that never quite matched up to this reality, etc, etc. In retrospect they all seem to possess a certain vanity. I wanted to be a philosopher for some time, and a singer (some sort of rogue intellectual singer), then a scientist. I don't know what I want to do anymore and it is mostly terrifying.

I've been trying to find balance but have no idea how to find it. Over the last six months I've joined a chess club and a badminton club. Trying to be motivated by sheer enjoyment of a thing but it comes and goes. I've been looking at doing some volunteer work just to try and feel connected to something again.

I'm good at being creative and analytical, making connections between things, reading and remembering, referencing things to my life.

I can sing pretty well and am quite proud of some of the songs I have written.

I play chess fairly competently and would like to get better. I think it's an amazing game.

...and video games.

Usually my height, perhaps my eyes, or that I'm frowning or furrowing my brow (I'm full of laughs though, I swear).

Trapped in eternity, I have a lot of favourite things. These are a few:

-Books-
I've been an avid reader since I was little. I've read my fair share of philosophy, literature, fantasy, science fiction and fact. I have a book case for all the good stuff and a book pile for everything else. Some of my favourites are Milan Kundera, J.D Salinger, Notes from Underground, Hunter S. Thompson, Nietzsche, Daniel Dennett, George R. R. Martin, Roger Zelazny, Richard Matheson and many more. Just read five books by Jack Vance, who happens to be one of George R. R. Martin's favourites, and really liked them.

-Movies-
I've had periods where I've been absolutely obsessed with movies but not for a few years. I went through a De Niro craze and a Bill Murray craze. My most watched movie is Groundhog Day and Eternal Sunshine is the only movie I have watched twice in a row.

-TV Shows-
Watched too many TV Shows. I haven't had commercial TV for at least 5 years but I still download a lot of shows. My favourite comedies are Arrested Development, Peep Show, The Office (the original), Seinfeld, Curb your Enthusiasm and The Larry Sanders Show. Workaholics is a minor classic at least! I also like Breaking Bad, sat through all of The Sopranos and then sold the DVDs thinking I'd never have time to watch them all again (I was wrong), Dexter (with reservations), The Walking Dead and Californication (with major reseverations), Freaks and Geaks, Undeclared, Family Guy, American Dad, Flight of the Conchords, Modern Family, Louie, and all the stuff that involves Ricky Gervais or Karl Pilkington.

-Music-
Huge fan of The Smiths, Radiohead and Pink Floyd. Also like The Beatles, Jeff Buckley, Jimi Hendrix, Amanda Palmer, Barenaked Ladies, David Bowie, Leonard Cohen, Muse, The National, etc.

-Video Games-
Another embarrassing amount here since I've been playing games more or less consistently since my first 286 and Super Nintendo. Recent favourites include Fallout 3, Red Dead Redemption, Batman: Arkham city, the Mass Effect Series and a lot more, mostly RPGs.

1. I'd probably go crazy (crazier?) without my friends. Specifically, beard-face and baldy.
2. Music
3. Weed. I'm not a stoner but it's probably the only time I feel truly relaxed.
4. The possibility of love.
5. An expansive sense of humour.
6. Ice cream.

Every day, I play a sad game called 'In the future when all is well'.

The ordering of daily tasks in my mind, picking through my memories, constant dreams, video game perfectionism, Morrissey and Beckett quotes, terror, illusions of power, laughter that won't stop.

Playing video games or smoking weed or drinking or various combinations thereof with my friends. Occasionally we bite the bullet and go out, meeting friends of friends in some undesirable location or going to Amps, hidden in a little pocket, or meeting my sister out at The Court.

I am endlessly fascinated and excitable.

I am too tired to be cynical.

I have ADD and type 1 diabetes.

I live in a tiny, tiny world and would like to get out of it somehow.

Go fuck yourself.