(insert sarcastic diatribe here)

Seriously though, I love to dance and don't do it often enough so, if you're looking for an opener...

Alternately, if you despise dancing, a graphically sexual email or photograph of your genitalia will do. (Sarcasm, people.)

I laugh too loud.

Hint: You can learn much more about me by reading my smartass responses to the questions than you can here.

readin'
writin'
'rithmatic

-Pretending to answer an essay prompt while avoiding the subject matter entirely.

-Halloween.

Am I coming or going?

I think this section is underrated. Having similar taste in entertainment leads to shared jokes, references, and interesting conversations.

First things first: Bill Hicks.

Well, books. Vonnegut, Marquez, Twain, Kundera, Faulkner, Borges, Robbins... I'm surprised I could get that far. I read "professionally" now, so it's been a long time since I've read for pleasure, but those are some authors I've always enjoyed.

Hm, movies. Start with the most quotable: The Blues Brothers, The Princess Bride, Raising Arizona, The Jerk, Spinal Tap, Zoolander, Pulp Fiction, The Three Amigos, Ghostbusters, Heathers, Blazing Saddles, Joe Dirt, Life of Brian. Okay, I also love The Music Man. (Yeah, literature in the books section but very little 'film' here yet - more to come)

Food- yes! Celebrated my birthday at Uchi. I'm ruined for cheap sushi now...

Okay, music. I think I'll randomly add a few artists per day here so I don't feel overwhelmed by the pressure of putting forth a representative sample. So, in no particular order: Johnny Cash, The Minders, Queen, Public Enemy, Chris Smithers, Stevie Wonder, Tom Waits, PJ Harvey, Andrew Bird, Eminem, Prince, Black Keys, P Funk, Mississippi John Hurt, Brian Eno, Billy Bragg, T Rex, Outkast, Iron & Wine, Louis Prima, The Postal Service, Jimi Hendrix, Flaming Lips, Radiohead, Smokey Robinson, Bowie, Elvis Costello, Taj Majal, The Temptations, Dresden Dolls, Son House, Thievery Corp, Marvin Gaye, Charles Mingus, Groove Armada, Did I mention T Rex?

.

Edit: Okay, that was trashy. Let's keep it clean for the kiddies and just say rainbows and lollies and unicorns and puppy dogs and butterflies and giggles.

The Louis CK show I'm going to this weekend!
Update: He killed.

Also, what is the sound of one hand booing?

Grading a mountain of undergrad essays, reading dry academic articles, or drinking wine on the back porch with my closest friend.

Sometimes all three.

I tried to stand up and fly straight, but it wasn't easy with that sumbitch Reagan in the White House.

you hope to get a response.

you're bout it bout it.

you have a terrible joke to tell me. Both punny and offensive win.

you want to help me with my Statistics homework.
(although, this semester is going much better...yay applied, boo theoretical!)

Also, if you are kind to small children and animals. I don't have small children, just one really big one, so I might not notice that at first, but I do have a dog and a cat and they totally have my back.