Do you enjoy the finer things in life? Is your idea of a good time an expensive bottle of wine and a meaningful conversation at a nice restaurant? Do you have dreams of a princess wedding, perfect children, and a compassionate, caring husband?

Then you've clicked on the wrong profile.

Wine and dine me. You're paying.
Doors? ****ing out. We run across one, I will either remove it from its hinges or shatter it with a chair. I anticipate increased electricity costs due to an open-air house.

At our wedding, we will both wear costumes based on our favorite breakfast pastries. At the conclusion of our ceremony, I will eat you in front of our guests.

I can't promise that these will be my only conditions, I can't even promise that you'll make it out of our first date alive. But I can promise that if you don't, you won't care what happens afterwards.

And in the end, isn't that all that matters?

I've got my boyish good looks and impeccable diction.

I would like to use this space to say that I am currently writing my own book on tape and am also working on breaking into the rap game. Having a little trouble recording my first album in my apartment because my neighbor calls the police when he hears me rhyming about killing him. If that dork next door was a rapper his name would be lil bitch.

Six kiwis. I love those fucking things. I hit the supermarket and I'm like "Oh fuck, look at these motherfucking kiwis, they're so green and exotic" and all of a sudden I'm like om nom nom stuffing them into my swole face and I feel like I'm in Hawaii or something. Or maybe five kiwis and one pack of raspberries. I love those too. I eat those plastic cases of them going "HOLY FUCK THESE THINGS ARE TASTY!"

I like to think that when I'm walking down the street SOMEONE I've seen in my years has to have been from the future. Think about it, thousands and thousands of years from now someone has to have invented a time machine, no?

At high school graduation while it was winding down they were showing all of our baby pictures on a huge projection screen followed by our senior pictures. My friends baby pic came up so I yelled "WHAT AN UGLY KID" loud enough for everyone (couple thousand people) to hear. As it turned out, it was not my friend, but instead the ugliest girl in my class.

If you didnt guess on the question about the Earth and Sun