Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
First off, you have to be able to make me laugh; though if you're
cute enough, you can just sit there and I will laugh anyway. I'm
not looking for anything super-serious, nor am I interested in a
casual fling, because both of these concepts terrify me equally. I
love animals, especially cats, because they depend of me and seem
to sort of love me, but are by their nature very emotionally
distant, so I get to keep pursuing them forever without
consequence. Please don't message me if you're one of those
"furries" though, I'm not a perv lol!!
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I read alot, though in addition to writing "alot" as one word I
misuse apostrophe's dont use commas dont properly punctuate and
completely fuck up prepositional phrases, of which I don't know
anything about. Thus, I am either lying about my reading habits or
am too thick to pick up basic rules of syntax from professionally
edited prose. I also write terrible poetry lol!!
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I currently have a very demeaning job, but lofty aspirations of
becoming a nurse. I want people to desire me and call for me and
depend on me, even if it's only because I control the Jell-O
supply. I want men to be sick and in pain and to smile helplessly
up at me from a gurney, because they're less scary that way.
Hopefully a doctor will propose to me, because I would never marry
a fucking male nurse lol!!
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
As a girl I am required to believe in astrology, so I do. To
demonstrate my cluelessness as to how this particular scam works, I
will now describe myself using seemingly contradictory universal
human qualities: I am really warm and outgoing, even though you
might not be able to notice at first, because inside I'm very shy;
especially with a guy I like, but if we get to know each other you
might be surprised by how wild I can be lol!!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I could write a long, uninformative list of my favorite movies of
wildly varying quality and inconsistent themes, but it's more
efficient to say I enjoy a good series of colorful moving images,
so long as they make me feel warm and fuzzy for reasons I am too
philistine to articulate. I especially like stuff with sexy
vampires, because that genre brilliantly appeals to both my fear of
male sexuality and my latent rape fantasies, substituting
cannibalism for physical lust. But remember, no biting on the first
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I have hobbled myself financially and emotionally by accidentally
having a kid, who is beautiful and wonderful and the light of my
life. I know it can seem awkward dating a single mother, but I'm
going to make it even worse by stating right up front that my child
is the most important thing in the world to me and if you have a
problem with that you can fuck off right now! If you're horny
enough to try and fuck me despite my unnecessary abrasiveness,
please know that I will be testing you like a lab rat by putting
you and my terrified spawn in the same room together to study how
you get along. You will be expected to perform even better than you
did when you met me, because in reality you're sort of dating us
both. Are you the son of a single mother? You will enjoy reliving
those terrible memories of meeting your mom's "new friend", but
this time from the opposite perspective. It's like time travel
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Despite my wedlock-free procreation, my attraction of demonic
vampires and my flirtations with the paganist practice of
astrology, I consider myself a devout member of whatever strain of
bronze age monotheism my parents tricked me into believing. It's
very important your parents indoctrinated you into a similar
antimaterialist cult, because I don't want to be the only one
filled with soul-crushing guilt when I inevitably blow you in your
car. After all, I am a free-spirited, independent, sexually
liberated woman, as is strongly advocated by my religion's holy
book, which I have apparently never opened. Geez, I'm starting to
sound like Mother Teresa lol!!
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
In conclusion, I like take charge, confident, intimating, dominant
guys who are much bigger than me, so quit being a spineless pussy
and message me! I look forward to judging you based on criteria
that are in no way related to my abusive stepfather.
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.