/!\ WARNING : If you don't answer my message, I will masturbate day and night on your photo.

I don't need any summary, I'm handsome enough to bring girls in my bed without even talking, just look at my picture !

Ok, now that you're in love with me, here are a few facts about me:

- I have counted to the infinite. Twice. No wait ! It was Chuck
Norris !
- I wear geeky and cool tshirts (seriously, everyone compliments me on them, and yes, even girls).
- I'm very curious.
- I love fruits and vegetables (AND YOU SHOULD TOO UGLY FAT AMERICAN WOMAN CURRENTLY STALKING ME)
- I love politically incorrect jokes, about women, penis and black people.
- I can read very fast.
- I procrastinate all the time.
- I can code.
- I love scientist stuff.
- I hate being warm.
- You can't possibly be more open minded than me. Nothing can shock me.
- I don't speak to people I don't know, I'm pretty shy but it doesn't translate on the internet.
- I love long walks on the beach, after anal.
- I never write "lol"
- I know how to play violin, piano and guitar. I suck at all 3.
- I love jellyfishes
- Astrophysics and Quantum mechanic fascinate me. But I suck at maths. I also love space, aviation and statistics. And computer security. Yes, I'm currently on your computer and I see what you're doing there.
- I'm a grammar nazi (unfortunately not in English)
- I'm a Nigerian prince, and if you answer my message and give me your bank account number I will send you billions of dollars.
- I'm a geek but what does that mean ? I don't play video games and don't like mangas or that sort of stuff. Stop saying you're a geek just because you love these two things please.
- I am not ambitious. I know girls like ambitious guys but I'm not. I don't want to be rich or famous. I just want an interesting life, it's ok if I'll become homeless, I guess it will be a fascinating experience. I want to live a thousand lives.

People hate lists.
I don't.

Ok now let's play a little game :

❶
- If you are on my profile because I stalked you, go to 2.
- Because I messaged you, go to 3.
- Because you saw my posts on the forum, go to 4.
- Because you were searching for some men, go to 5.
- Because someone tell you about this brilliant profile, go to
123691.
- You look/dress like Charlotte de Monaco (click), stop reading this profile RIGHT NOW and MESSAGE ME

❷
- If you clicked on my picture because you thought I was kind of cute, go to 6.
- If you clicked on my picture because you could barely see
something in this little dark picture, go to 6.
- If you clicked on my picture because you love penguins, go to 10.
- If you clicked on my picture because you were bored, go to
7.

❸. At first, you were like "WTF with this guy?"
- If you came here to insult me go to 13.
- If you came here because you're bored, go to 6.
- If you came here because I said something very interesting, funny and smart go to 6.
- If you came here because no one never messages you, I was the only one in you inbox go to 8.

❹ You saw a post by me on the forum.
- You thought it was kind of funny go to 9.
- You thought I was a creepy troll go to 8.
- You accidentally clicked on my profile, go to 8.

❺ You clicked on my profile, why ?
- If my profile picture attracted you, go to 10.
- You saw some quotes from my profile and liked them, go to 9.
- I remind you of your dog, go to 8.
- If you accidentally clicked on my profile, go to 8.

❻ The profile picture was small, dark and blurry, you couldn't
see anything and you now realize I'm ugly as hell.
- If you decide to go further anyway because you like playing games go to 9.
- If you think I may have hidden abilities, like a very big penis
or an amazing sense of humor go to 10.
- If you can't handle it go to 8.

❼ You are reading my profile.
- You think "what the fuck is this guy, he's too funny !" go to 10.
- You think "My god, what a pervert I'm blocking him" go to 8.
- You can't read, you're just here for nude pics of me, go to 9.

❽
go to hell.

❾
- if your nickname has the word "sex" in it, your profile is empty or have more than 10 smileys in it, you describe yourself as "intelligent" (I like modesty), you can't spell, are more than 30 % enemy with me, think I'm just a vulgar guy and arrogant pig, go to 8.
- If not, go to 10.

❶⓿
- If you are a female, have long brown non curly hair, two light eyes (ok dark are cool too, but light are just better), you're not taller than me, you dress like Betty (click here) (or here), go to 12.
- If you have at least two things mentioned above go to 11.
- If one, go to 15.
- If none, go to 8.

❶❶
- If you have the ability to think, can laugh with bad jokes, you like geeks, you're honest and not bitchy, you're superficial and intelligent, you don't mind if I lied with my location and actually live in Paris, you don't think I'm the super cool social guy because of this misleading profile, go to 12.
- If not, go to 14.

❶❷
You're ready to message me !
I already like you !
Just message me the numbers you got in order to make it to
12.

❶❸
I do like aggressive messages and insults.
I'm sorry you can't hurt me, it just make me laugh.
If you can entertain me with some good pranks on me, just do it.

❶❹
Too bad, you almost made it !
Well don't cry, I'm sure you'll find someone perfect for you.
Of course he won't be as perfect as me, but maybe he'll marry you and give you some children before leaving you, totally wasted, alone, and alcoholic.

❶❺
INFINITE LOOP ! Go to 10

To sum up, I want a woman :
- Intelligent but superficial, I don't mind if she loves cosmopolitan and shopping.
- Scientific and artsy.
- Classy and educated, but who loves kebab and jokes about penis.
- Similar but different so I'll learn new things from her.
- Shy but she has to make the first move because I won't.
- Funny and crazy but who can be serious.
...
No wonder why I'm still single.

Currently creating an female artificial intelligence so I can fall in love with her, then I'll upload myself on a computer.
Did I mention I was transhumanist ?

Sleeping, imitating the sound of toads, programming,
procrastinating, pretending being cool on the internet.

Either my body odour (well I'm french) or my cool tshirts !

I've been told that I walk like a angry robot when I'm listening
to techno.
I guess that's why people keep staring at me in the street.
That, or because I'm fucking ugly.

Seriously, who cares ?

Books : The elegant universe, the singularity is near, many many books but I can never remember their titles.

Films : Matrix, Requiem for a Dream, 2001 The Space
Odyssey, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Big Fish, Shaolin Soccer, Dersu Uzala, Cool runnings, first part of Wall-E.

TV shows : The Office, the Big Bang Theory, The It Crowd, HIMYM, South Park, a bit of 30rock (but I don't understand why everybody like it, it's not that funny).
I don't watch TV often but I love documentaries, especially on animals and more particuliary on insects or marine animals.
Documentaries on space are great too.

Music (click links) : Laurent Garnier, Justice, Daft Punk, Bodzin, Agoria, Extrawelt, Para One, Popof, Lutzenkirchen. Ok I like some rock bands too, but rock can't make me dance.

Food : everything, I love to eat !

And because internet is important for me (well I have a computer engineering degree, isn't that sexy), here are a few websites I like and consult daily :

wikipedia
xkcd
hacker news
new scientist
vie de merde and fml
futura sciences
Penelope Jolicoeur
bashfr

If you like any of this website, well, I've got some bad news, you're a fucking geek

Ho and I love this video

Here are some words I like : gravity's rainbow, soleil
noir, suddenly bananas, I came bucket, pangolin,
anomalie Pioneer, and every word said with a robot voice.

- Friends. Hum everybody says that. And I don't like being like
everybody. So I'll say soft toilet paper.
- Internet.
- Music.
- My penis.
- Anal sex with goats.
- Long hot showers.
- Contact lenses (can't see my hands without them (but I can see my penis, of course)).

That's seven.
I'm a true rebel.

And of course what can I do without
- Bashful
- Doc
- Dopey
- Grumpy
- Happy
- Sleep
- Sneezy

Yeah that's another seven.
I'm not afraid, I'm a total badass.

Editors

• JeParle

A lot of things.
About the universe, did I brush my teeth this morning, is it true that some tapeworms can eat themselves, why people wear Crocs, why so many girls like the Labyrinth movie (seriously, it really sucks), does free will really exists (if you have some thoughts on it, feel free to message me (but do you really want it, or is just a causality of precedent events? )) <-- LOOK THAT'S A BUTT OLOLOL !!

Dancing like nobody's watching in club with great techno music.
Or just hanging out in a bar with friends.
Or raping your grandma.

I don't poop when I'm not at my home.

I have photoshopped my pictures so you won't realize I'm actually fat, disabled and in a wheelchair.

I have 17 children all over the world, but don't worry, I don't pay any alimony.

We both know you won't.
So just go fuck yourself.
Anyway I got my AI to speak with.