I'm Josh but most people call me Ulk or Ulkreghz - a name I've used since the earliest days of World of Warcraft (don't panic, I abandoned the game years ago).
And now for something completely different...
Now, this is the story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became some bloke in a town called Broadstone
In central Poole born and Yorkshire raised
On the PlayStation and PC was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all jumpin' some Crash Bandicoot outside of school
When quite a while later a couple of employers
Who were up to no good
Startin making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little unemployment stint and life took a turn
And I said 'I'm movin' all over the place and finally to Broadstone with my gran'
I begged and pleaded with her day after day
But she gave in and took me in (yay)
She gave me a kiss and then she gave me the rules
I put my interview clothes on and said, 'I might as well kick it'.
Fourth job, yo this is okay
Drinking water out of a champagne glass.
Is this what the people of Broadstone living like?
Hmmmmm this might be almost alright.
But wait, I hear the old biddies, neighbours and all that
Is this the type of place that I should be a cool cat?
I shouldn't think so
I'll see when I get online
I hope they're prepared for the prince of Wasting time on Steam-air
Well uh, the car pulled in and when I came out
There was my gran who looked like a grumpy angel standing there with her hands out
I ain't trying to get argued with yet.
I just got here!
I sprang with the quickness, like lightening disappeared
I whistled for a net connection and when it came near
The IP addres said numbers and it had speed in the air
If anything I can say is that this net was rare
But I thought 'Man forget it' - 'Yo homies to Steam-fuck-yeah'
I walk up to the work about twelve or one
And I yell to the coworkers 'Hi'
I looked to my till
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the guy who lost track of what he was doing to this song. Yeah.
I have a pet tortoise but she currently lives with my parents and I'm a quiet guy with a 'sub' side - PM me if you're curious.
Employed in a grocery store in Broadstone - if you can't find me out the whole two stores then you might not be in Broadstone. Recognise me? Say hi, I won't bite but I will be a little confused, embarrassed and overjoyed.