He hails from lands unknown (Pennsylvania). Across barren deserts and through the sprawling metropolis he's come on a journey... of discovery.
He once met Jeff Goldblum and they were both speechless.
A beer once saved his life. He rewarded it by drinking it slowly.
A thief once broke into his car. He apologized.
Wild dogs hate him, yet fear him.
Cats hate him, yet respect him.
He once rolled 3 20s in a row. There were no survivors.
He once had an AK-47 leveled at him. But the scotch was too good to ignore.
Ok, I can't keep it up any further. I'm Dave, and despite making no sense at all, everything I just said was true.