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MySpoon_IsTooBig

34 M Denver, CO

My Details

Last Online
Today – 6:43pm
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 4″ (1.93m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Strictly anything
Smokes
Yes
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Sometimes
Religion
Atheism, and laughing about it
Sign
Sagittarius, and it’s fun to think about
Education
Working on university
Job
Student
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Pets
Has dogs and has cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Spanish (Okay)

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My self-summary
I'm your only friend, I'm not your only friend, but I'm a little glowing friend, but really I'm not actually your friend, but I am...

I'm like a riddle, wrapped in a question, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a puzzle, wrapped in bacon, stuffed with cheese, and deep fried.

I'm a divergent thinker with an insatiable thirst for knowledge. I am pragmatically quixotic. I love to make people laugh and to find humor in the mundane and the everyday world. I do nice things for people because I like to. I love my friends like family. I have worked hard for the things I have in life and I possess a deep appreciation for them.

Also, if you need a break to laugh at the ridiculous reality of online dating, the Onion and I have your back.
What I’m doing with my life
I have aspirations to become a famous German philosopher and poet, but I realize that's a Nietzsche market. (ba dun tiss)

I'm a musician and a student, studying music and recording arts at UCD. I am in the midst of contemplating grad school when I'm done. I'm aspiring to be a mixing engineer/producer/recording engineer/live sound engineer/whatever I can do to be part of the music and entertainment industry. I currently work at the performing arts center on Auraria Campus (not the DCPA) and I love my job to freaking DEATH. I have taken several semesters of voice classes in an effort to improve my singing. I also joined a band last year (drummer) and started playing gigs around Denver.
I’m really good at
Things. Figuring out how to hook things up to other things. Consuming mass quantities. Creative problem solving. Fixing things - many different kinds of things, but especially cars and computers. Cleaning and organizing things (I'm Polish; it's in my blood). Remembering things that happened a long time ago with stunning clarity. Bowling the wrong way. Letting my inner dork become my outer dork. Making godawful puns. Impersonating Tom Petty and/or Bob Dylan. Also, using the word "things."
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm a straight shooter with upper management written all over him.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books -- Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Saffran Foer, The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield, How To Archer by Sterling Archer, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series by Douglas Adams, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster by Richard Dawkins.

Movies -- The Big Lebowski, Office Space, Ghostbusters, The Sword In The Stone, Beetlejuice, Stop Making Sense, Memento, Spaceballs, Pulp Fiction, Dogma, Ernest Goes to Jail (yes, I went there), Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Lord of The Rings Trilogy, Big Fish, Almost Famous, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and so on.

Shows -- I don't watch a ton of TV, but I do enjoy Futurama, Archer, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, ATHF, Mythbusters, Whose Line Is It Anyway?, Arrested Development, Top Gear UK (as if the US one was ever a candidate), South Park, Parks and Rec, and a few others.

Music? In no particular order - Radio Moscow, Beck, Lana Del Rey, Blind Pilot, The Shins, The Decemberists, Talking Heads, Peter Gabriel, RHCP, Alt-J, The Avett Brothers, Smashing Pumpkins, Rene Marie, David Bowie, TV on the Radio, Queen, Of Monsters And Men, New Mastersounds, Jane's Addiction, Ray Lamontagne, Jurassic 5, Miles Davis, Chemical Brothers, Florence + The Machine, Beastie Boys, Chromeo, Jose Gonzalez, Spoon, Van Morrison, Gorillaz, Stanton Moore, Wilco, Herbie Hancock, Sublime, The Black Keys, The New Pornographers, Breakestra, Tom Petty, Blackalicious, Boards of Canada, Nina Simone, Zero7, Dire Straits, The Beta Band, Thievery Corporation, The Xx, Paul Simon, Jamiroquai, Tool, Sia Furler, Band of Horses, and many, many more. I have musical man-crushes on Dave Grohl, David Byrne, Peter Gabriel, Beck, and Paul Simon. UNPOPULAR OPINION TIME: I don't like black metal or dubstep. Sorry, rest of the world. Also, sorry I'm not sorry.

Food -- I like pretty much all kinds of food, with the exception of seafood. I didn't eat it much when I was growing up, and never really developed a taste for it. Favorites include Mexican, Italian, Indian, Mediterranean/Middle Eastern, and bacon cheeseburgers with green chile cheese fries.
The six things I could never do without
My amazing friends
My animals
Learning
My drum set
Love
Music
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How there's someone on this site that is a 1% MATCH, yet meets all of my regular search criteria...
Why there is braille on the drive-up ATM.
Who that "seeing eye dogs permitted in this building" sign is for.
If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, will a hipster buy the soundtrack to it?
How the phrase "tubing the Poudre" totally sounds like an innuendo.
Why doesn't Channing Tatum use some of his money to buy a first name?
If tomatoes are fruit, is ketchup technically a smoothie?
If you lose at solitaire, do you still technically win?
Why do we drive on parkways and park in driveways?
Also, tacos.
On a typical Friday night I am
Burninating the countryside.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it.
Also, whenever I sing falsetto, I automatically do jazz hands
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 23–45
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For long-term dating
You should message me if
...you would enroll in a dance class just so you could ask the instructor to teach you how to Dougie.
...you're my 100% enemy. Let's fight to the death.
...you actually read all of this and it made you laugh.
...you want to. My inbox gets lonely, and I can be shy sometimes.
...you're actually looking for a relationship. Please note that it does not say that I am here looking for friends.
...your message will consist of more than one sentence (or at least one really awesome sentence).
...you make up ridiculous songs and sing them to your pets
...you agree that baby ocelots should be called ocelittles.
...you think that a good relationship should resemble Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros' "Home"
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4306i99LMXo)
or Van Morrison's "Crazy Love."
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8WMNUC1So4)
...you have found a better cover/remake of a forgotten 90s hip hop tune than this.

Also, I'm a monogamous guy, so please no couples or poly.