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UselessFatass

20 M Orlando, FL

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–22
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
Overweight
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
When drinking
Drinks
Very often
Drugs
Often
Religion
Atheism
Sign
Virgo, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Dropped out of university
Job
Sales / Marketing
Income
More than $1,000,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Pets
Has dogs and dislikes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Chinese (Okay)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm Evan, a remarkably average paranoid insomniac.

I like rat kings, conspiracy theories, plague doctors, Pierrot, and recordings of sad 911 calls.
You can also pay me to perform weddings and funerals. And baptisms.

I can also drain a das boot in :17. Horrible, I know, but I'm working on it.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
As of July, I've relocated to Shanghai, China for business school, though I would rather write full time or go to mortuary school.

I'm also an ordained priest through the Church of the Latter Day Dude, as well as an ordained minister through the Universal Life Church. Ordained Pope of Discordianism.
Aspiring shaman, ayahuasquero, and psychonaut. I'm a gringo spirit guide.
Amateur homebrewer.
Dermatophagist.
Waiting till I turn 25 for the trust fund to kick in.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Writing sonnets
Drinking until it all goes away
Paul McCartneying a bowl
Enforcing the patriarchy and quashing feminism
Words With Friends
Growing beards and making mead
Watching LiveLeak snuff videos while eating food
Using wild plants to go to the moon and back
Wikipediaing serial killers at 3:04 in the morning
Rolling doobies
Bowling, driving around, the occasional acid flashback
Mario Kart Double Dash/Beerio Kart
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Some type of beardly activity on my face
Or being fat.
Or my $6,000 Breitling wristwatch
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Breakfast of Champions, Naked Lunch, the original Winnie the Pooh by A.A. Milne (don't hate), Candide, Trainspotting, A Series of Unfortunate Events, The Principia Discordia, Anything Huxley, Tolkien, Kafka, Shakespeare, Vonnegut or Dickens. Oh, and anything by Irvine Welsh.
I sure as hell wouldn't mind if every single copy of The Catcher in the Rye was burned.
Bone by Jeff Smith<3

The Big Lebowski, Trainspotting, In Bruges, This Is England, Killing Zoe, Ordinary Decent Criminal, Caligula, Vile, Les Intouchables, A Serbian Film, The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Killer Klowns from Outer Space, Fargo, Balto, House of 1,000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects, Four Lions, Teeth, Club Dread, The Real Macaw, Fly Away Home, Perfume: the Story of a Murderer

Black Books, Bones, Vikings, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, The Inbetweeners UK, The IT Crowd, Spy, 1000 Ways to Die, The Monkees, Wishbone, Seinfeld, Misfits, Metalocalypse, Dual Survival, Criminal Minds, Peep Show

Creedence Clearwater Revival, Carach Angren, Wardruna, Coldworld, Pendulum, Dethklok, Eluveitie, Glitch Mob, Amon Amarth, Svartsot, RiFF RaFF THE TRUE BASED GOD, K-391, Pink Floyd, Jefferson Airplane, The Mamas and The Papas, Jimi Hendrix, The Who, Neil Young, Neon Indian, Cosmo Jarvis, Lemon Jelly, Brothertiger, Washed Out, The Flashbulb, Talk Talk, Ratatat, STS9, Rob Zombie, pre-High End of Low Marilyn Manson, Shpongle, Iggy Pop, Baths, Lil' Dicky, The Knife, Urban Cone, Rebecca and Fiona, Bowling for Soup
Whom the Moon a Nightsong Sings

Milksteak boiled over hard with a side of raw jelly beans

I can cook pretty well in general, actually.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Air conditioning
Reading
Morbid humor
Publix subs
Ethnobotanicals
Clean socks
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
How to tweak my ayahuasca recipe.

Henry's Kitchen

Vikings season 3

How on point Carach Angren's corpsepaint is

God fuck why is Eluveitie so good?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Arguing with strangers on the Internet
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm ridiculously wealthy.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You're attracted to failure and disappointment.

You want to give me road head in a $250,000 Bentley Azure.

You like blood eagles.

You want a platonic friend to talk about outrageously horrible things with.

You think Eluveitie's new violinist is a total babe.

You can introduce me to a serial killer that I don't already know about.

Don't message me if your profile mentions anything about The Catcher in the Rye or John Green in a favorable light.

Don't message me if you're a trashy basic bitch with tattoos and facial piercings. You're probably mentally unstable (read: you're definitely batshit insane) and have a horrible personality.