VDELL
37 Vancouver, British Columbia, CA
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VDELL
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My self-summary
I have decided to take a new tactic in my search for a partner. I will most likely make changes in my profile along the way. This tactic is inspired by growing up in a family with strong women, by past experiences in dating and by a new class I am preparing to articulate and teach. The class is on gender and sexuality.

I grew up in a close knit hippy like family on a hippy like island. This means things like homophobia, racism, sexism, environmental exploitation were alien concepts to me until I went to high school off island. Indeed as I struggled to fit in (being a closeted nerd did not help) and took on the attributes of my peers, if I described a girl/woman as a babe I would have to sit through a 30 minute lecture on the objectification of women from one of my aunts. My grandfather and (world championship gold medalist) grandmother challenged social norms concerning politics, religion, gender, sexuality and race and inspired my career in the social sciences. With them I was never short an outdoor adventure. From my grandmother teaching me to climb rocks whilst in diapers, to paddling me in her kayak, to week long sailing trips in my grandfathers self designed/homemade boat, or, to pre school early morning express hikes to watch the sun rise from atop the islands highest point, I grew up in the bush or on the water. Both my parents are amazing and supportive, I am very close with them.

Having grown up in such a family I find it difficult to interact with many men as when the inevitable comment on a woman's chest or ass is made, out of reflex I will start to make comments on objectification. Consequently most of my friends are woman (also a side effect of my profession). Perhaps the biggest issue I have had in dating is either waiting for a clear indicator to initiate physical intimacy or waiting for the woman to initiate. Consequently many of the women I have dated think I am not interested in them. Indeed, one ex said I am to respectful and that it is the mans responsibility to initiate. I asked my aforementioned friends about this all of whom claim a feminist identity and all of whom have told me some variation of "it is awkward to initiate", "I don't want him to think I am a slut" and fair enough. However I am left with a rather uncomfortable thought bouncing around my head. By making a man responsible for initiating physical intimacy is that not like telling him he is in charge. I suppose this is why the one in my left arm told me I am more of a feminist than she is.

What then am I look for? I suppose you could say I am looking for an androgynous relationship where things are not done because they meet societies expectation of our gender identity, but because they need to be done, because you or I are better at doing them, or you or I want to do them. I cannot fix a car, but I can fix a nice meal. It would be nice if initiation was shared and communication was clear. In this I think we can find mutual enjoyment in the physical and emotional levels of a relationship.

Now that you have an idea of what I am looking for, you might ask who is this guy:
- I am a social scientist,
- I am a martial artist,
- I am creative
- I am highly empathetic
- I am sincere
- I am honest (sometimes to much)
- I am loyal
- I am often lost in the clouds thinking, contemplating and analyzing; a trait that is often mistaken for being cold or aloof or even lazy.
- I am strong and athletic like a bear (having earned me such nick names as "Po" (Kung Fu Panda...but not nearly that big), but I warm and cuddly like a teddy bear.
-I am at my best when I am challenged and at my worst when I have nothing to do.
- I have lived and worked with the Bedouin Nomads in the Al Naqab desert
- I have worked at a human rights NGO in Bangkok and represented them at the UN
- I have lived and worked with remote indigenous Canadians helping them reclaim their language, culture and adapt to the civilization forced upon them.
- I have a habit of sharing too much, talking too much, writing too much, thinking too much
- I am humbly arrogant.

Disclaimer: As much as I love out-door adventures and intense physical activity I have been going to physio therapy for a year and am nearly recovered from a neck/back injury that limited my mobility for an extended period. What this means is now I have to rebuild my endurance....so I am more than happy to go on hikes, bike rides, kayak, ect....but I will be slowish and probably huffing and puffing.
What I’m doing with my life
I get paid to do something I never knew I was always in love with. I was recently tenure tracked as an anthropology instructor at a local college. I am energized by my students "ahhhh haaa" moments and marvel at the fact that I make a comfortable living doing something I truly enjoy (I just finished paying off my student loan and am now debt free).
I have trained in traditional Chinese martial arts for 15 years and am qualified to teach Wing Chun Kung Fu (watch "Ip Man" on netflix for an example).
I love to write both fiction and none fiction...as time allows and have long dreamt of writing a book.
While I am proud of these accomplishments and regret nothing as it got me to where I am, now it is time for some romance.
I’m really good at
cooking, writing (though not spelling or grammer), teaching, swimming, martial arts (Wing Chun and Maui Thai), mountain biking, empithizing, imagining/creativity and critical thinking.
The first things people usually notice about me
based on what people have told me, I would have to say my eyes and my shoulders
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Anarchy Evolution, Population Wars, All 3 Hunger Games, The order of Things, Discipline and Punish, Negara, Imagined Communities and most anything by Alan Dean Foster and Orson Scott Card (though not his politics)

Movies: What Dreams May Come, Bullworth, The Man from Earth, Life as a House, Finding Forester, Love Actually, August Rush, The Beautiful Boxer, Pump up the Volume, Ruby Sparks, American History X, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, The Sensei, The Zero Theorem (and most Terry Gilliam Films)

TV Shows: Dr. Who, Torchwood, The big bang theory, Bones, Shameless (UK and US versions), Sugar Rush, Red Dwarf, Castle, The Almighty Johnsons, Luther, The Newsroom, Sense8, Outrageous Fortune, Z Nation, and anything by Joss Wheadon

Music: Radiohead, Bad Religion, Nine Inch Nails, Louis Armstrong, NOFX, Kidneythieves, Nina Simone, Tool/A Perfect Circle, Jefferson Airplaine and anything with Tom Morello in it .

Food: Chocolate and Curry
The six things I could never do without
time to write, chocolate, curry, martial arts, mountain bike, music
I spend a lot of time thinking about
social issues, inequality, writing, teaching, martial arts....what to make for dinner....and more recently to what degree does enculturation vs. biology influence our gender roles/behavior, especially within the context of relationships.
On a typical Friday night I am
Considering how much I love my work and the fact I only have to be at the school to teach 14 hours a week I have no typical Friday, but on days that could be considered "Friday" I would probably be making some sort of Thai food and watching a movie or favorite TV show or spending time with friends....though on actual Friday I am usually training martial arts, unless something more important...like a date...comes up
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I love "chick flicks"
You should message me if
you are a nice person looking for a nice person and you are NOT super judgmental of others, arrogant or want to make me feel bad for every horrible thing (some) men have done to women (I already do)......trust me I know better than most.....discrimination and oppression are very common and important topics in my field/career and countering discrimination and oppression are the reasons I chose my field/career. Furthermore, with my aunts, grandmother and mother...seeing women as anything other than equals was never really an option...so I am sorry, but it was not me.

you also understand that tone of voice can not be heard or facial expression cannot be seen on OKC and thus on line sarcasm before getting to know each other may not succeed.
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