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VTbandito

56 M Bellows Falls, VT

I’m looking for

  • All who like bi men
  • Ages 40–60
  • Near me
  • For new friends, short-term dating, casual sex

My Details

Last Online
Today – 12:43am
Orientation
Bisexual
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
A little extra
Diet
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Sometimes
Religion
Other, and somewhat serious about it
Sign
Sagittarius, and it’s fun to think about
Education
Graduated from masters program
Job
Income
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Married
Relationship Type
Strictly non-monogamous
Offspring
Has kids
Pets
Likes dogs and has cats
Speaks
English (Fluently)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Every now and then I look over this profile and see if there’s anything that needs to be updated, revised, downright deleted. Here it is almost July 2014 and it feels like one of those times again. The major addition to my profile is the definition of polyamory that I have included a couple paragraphs down.

The basics are pretty much the same: I'm 56 years old, bisexual and polyamorous, living in southern Vermont, in an open relationship with my wife. We live in a two-family house on a quiet residential neighborhood, real salt-of-the-earth neighbors. Our tenants are quiet and generally pretty cool.

polyamory: This is the ability to be involved romantically and/or sexually with more than one person at a time. It goes on the belief that the human heart can handle more than one intimate, romantic relation at a time. Different friends fulfill different functions in your life; fulfill different needs. It's a philosophy of infinite love available in the world, as opposed to a philosophy of scarcity.

That sounds all hippie-dippie, doesn't it. In practical terms polyamory takes a lot of work, mainly because you often have more than one significant other calling you on your foibles / baggage / shit (can I use that word here?). It takes a lot of communication, honesty, integrity, and self-reflection. I can not see myself living any other way.

Polyamory is a subculture-y movement that has been going on for many decades. You could google it & find all kinds of info, including perhaps social/ support groups in your area. Please don't take my definition here as definitive: I'm writing on a Sunday morning before breakfast.

In the past couple years I've been a really sweet relationship with a woman I met on OKC (her name here is spikejem). We've each become friendly with our respective spouses; we never set up dates without checking with our spouses first. It has been one of the most challenging and fulfilling experiences I've ever had. And we seek other friends to share good times and adventures with as well, to add to the ever-growing tapestry that is our life.

(Hmph, not bad for Sunday morning before breakfast. Think I'll go toast a bagel...)

Other predilections: paganism, Tibetan Buddhism, Brushwood Folklore Center, the Church of the Subgenius, praise Bob!

Lately I've been toying with the label pansexual, as I've been educating myself about the genderqueer movement and the idea that there are more than two genders, thus making an idea like bisexuality, with its implied dichotomy, somewhat obsolete. I'm not much for labels but I'm having fun with "pansexual." After all, who's more sexual than Pan?

I am quiet, quirky, and wondering
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Life is pretty darn good. Even during difficult times, "interesting times," a foundation of life-is-good is present, has always been there even when I don't know it. The interesting times are there for me to learn something, usually about myself. Usually the interesting times are a result of my having made basic bonehead choices, particularly in the realm of relationships, so I get to learn what not to do next time. The really good times are there for me to learn something too, usually about not getting too attached, especially to an idea, even more especially to an emotion.

For a couple years now I've been working as a security guard at a big grocery warehouse. This after losing my job in publishing to lay-offs back in 2008, then when my unemployment was about to run out I was dropped in this job's lap. This'll sound hokey but... I've made the job somewhat of a spiritual practice, in terms of being gentle with myself in the face of a basic dumb job, and being gentle with others too... no one cares about my drama, and life without drama is so much healthier and kinder.

Other stuff: My wife and I help organize the annual Thanksgiving Community Dinner. Also been writing for and proofreading a little local newspaper printed out of someone's basement. Been a nice way to get to know neighbors.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I'm a good writer. I'm good at swimming but I don't do it as much as I like. Also very good at hiking and messing about outdoors. Love skinny-dipping and other naturist activities.

Also like to go out dancing, or to concerts or movies. I'm reeeeally good at spending money, not always good at making money.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My beard, my Hawaiian shirts, my ponytail
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
favorite authors (no particular order): Terry Pratchett, Eckhart Tolle, Byron Katie, Barbara Kingsolver, John Gardner, Italo Calvino, Kathryn Davis, Mark Doty, E. Annie Proulx, Milan Kundera, Neil Gaiman.

A few years back I read a book called "When Fear Falls Away," by Jan Frazier, a woman who lives near here and whose writing workshops I've attended in the past. Jan had a spontaneous enlightenment experience some time ago, and the book is about that experience and what it did to her life. Quite inspiring and hopeful, I recommend it to everyone reading this. You should also read Eckhart Tolle's books *The Power of Now.* and *A New Earth.* Then read Byron Katie's *Loving What Is.* The whole idea of attaining enlightenment / awakening is very much in the forefront of my mind.

favorite movies (npo): Stranger Than Fiction, Amelie, Dogma, Kenneth Branaugh's Much Ado About Nothing, Smoke Signals, What the Bleep Do We Know, I Heart Huckabees, True Stories, Oh Brother Where Art Thou, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Spirited Away, Bubba Hotep, Stardust, Buckaroo Banzai

music (npo): I've been on a big jazz kick lately---Miles Davis, Charles Mingus, Thelonius Monk, Keith Jarrett, Herbie Hancock, John Coltrane, Wayne Shorter. Also into a lot of reggae---Burning Spear, Steel Pulse, the Equalites, the Alchemystics, the Congos, Peter Tosh, of course Bob Marley. Finally been listening to blues---Pinetop Perkins, BB King. Heard an excellent bluesy British woman at the Roots on the River festival the other night, will have to find her name again...

food: just about anything that doesn't crawl off the table, leave the restaurant and grab a taxi....
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Really the only things I need are a skinny dipping hole in the summer and an electric blanket in the winter.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
living in the moment and not screwing up... realizing my Buddha nature and not screwing up... getting a job and not screwing up... walking across the room and ....
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
relaxing after a 12-hr shift at work, gearing up for another 12-hr shift on Saturday
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
every year I get a lil more tired of winter... nevertheless, I love Vermont so much I'll prolly spend the rest of my days here
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
Ya know, I've been on OKC for years and I've run out of snappy answers for this bit. Only you can know why you *should* message me.