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46 F San Francisco, CA

My Details

Last Online
Jul 21
5′ 3″ (1.60m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Atheism, and somewhat serious about it
Capricorn, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from masters program
Art / Music / Writing
Relationship Status
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Strictly non-monogamous
Doesn’t have kids
Has cats
English, Italian (Okay), Spanish (Okay), French (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Four out of five of my ex-boyfriends agree: Spending time with me is better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. Bookish but not nerdy (well, not very), I'm a self-employed book editor and writer who has loved living in San Francisco for more than 20 years. My passions are literature and music. Given half a chance, I'll curl up on the couch and read a contemporary novel while some wacky ethnographic music plays on the stereo. But I rarely get to indulge in such quiet evenings, in between working too much, spending time with my husband and going on dates, organizing tons of cocktail and dinner parties, and spending time with my wide circle of friends.

In 2006 I married my love of 5 years. We're happily polyamorous, and we both date others outside our relationship. I am pretty seriously kinky, so having a BDSM play partner would be a delightful development (I'm a switch), but I'm also open to a good old-fashioned romantic partner (as long as they're willing to deal with all that comes with being involved with someone who's married). I don't have a laundry list of characteristics you have to have, but I tend to be charmed by wildly intelligent guys who are excellent communicators and conversationalists. Integrity and honesty are also musts (i.e., I'm not interested in dating guys who are in other relationships unless your other partner is fully on-board). If you're an avid traveler, read the New Yorker, listen to Joe Frank, or know what a violet wand is, it will give us something to talk about on our first date.
What I’m doing with my life
Editing and writing books, hosting lots of large and small soirees in my SF apartment, continually trying to learn how to be a good partner in a relationship, being woken up by my cat at 5:15 on the dot every morning
I’m really good at
Orchid whispering
Flogging people
Planning ahead
Hosting dinner parties
Making classic cocktails
Spooning (and being spooned)
The first things people usually notice about me
If I had to guess, I'd say my red hair ... but you tell me.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Hoo boy! This list could go on forever. In a nutshell, though ...


I'm a huge book dork. In general I tend to read a lot of contemporary and 20th-century fiction. Some of the authors who really make my toes curl include Vladimir Nabokov, David Foster Wallace (swoon!), George Saunders, Don DeLillo, and Italo Calvino. But there are so many more! If it's won the Booker Prize, I've probably read it. I've also been reading more nonfiction lately, especially in the realms of science, and particularly neurobiology and mental health.


I'm pretty ignorant about most TV (and that goes for movies too, I'm afraid), but I watch "Breaking Bad" when it comes out on video. Oh, and "Nurse Jackie" too. I've also watched "The Wire" and "Six Feet Under" on video in past years. But if you're looking someone to geek out with about TV, I'm not your gal. Because in addition to books, my passion is for ...


My tastes are wide-ranging, to put it mildly. In short, I'm all atwitter about music that I call "the strange and the beautiful." I'll listen to just about anything, but genres at the top of my list include folk/roots music, minimalist contemporary composers, and wacky world music from far-flung places (especially Asia, Scandinavia, Eastern Europe, and more). Add in a lot of classical music (especially Russian composers of the romantic and post-romantic era), traditional Irish and Scottish music, some indie pop and rock, a bit of old-school jazz, classical guitar, and Middle Eastern and North African traditional music and you'll have a vague sense of what's in heavy rotation on my iPod.


I'll eat just about anything, as long as you don't make me drink coffee. I'm a food writer, so I love checking out new and unusual restaurants in the city. I'm especially fond of sushi, Indian food, Southeast Asian cuisine, and both French and Italian food.
On a typical Friday night I am
When my husband and I are both home I might enjoy trying out some new recipes for dinner and then wrap up the evening cuddling while watching a Netflix movie. Otherwise I might be entertaining 40 people at a cocktail party at my house or going to an all-night dance party with a few hundred of my favorite people. And about every other Friday, I see one of my sweeties for a date. I also love spending a free Friday all alone playing my guitar or curled up with a great novel and my kitty on my lap.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm willing to admit almost anything in person -- I'm pretty much an open book -- but would prefer to do it face to face rather than online.
I’m looking for
  • Guys who like girls
  • Ages 24–64
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
As a former therapist suggested, “Why don’t we try out ‘could’ instead of ‘should’ and see how that feels”?

Anything I've said above resonates with you.
You identify as polyamorous or ethically nonmonogamous.
You're down with dating someone who probably doesn't have time to see you more than two or three times a month.
You're looking for someone to geek out with about food, travel, or world music.
You play the classical guitar and would like to try out some duets.
You like to lindy hop and don't mind dancing with a relative beginner (but I'm working on it!)
You want to taste a really well-made Aviation or Last Word.