Inside my head, it is like a room with dark drapes drawn across a bright day.

All my friends are in the negative, nightmare position of putting down society and giving their tired bookish or political or psychoanalytical reasons, but I just race in society, eager for bread and love; I don't care one way or the other.

Pictures make me look like a thirty-year-old Italian who'd kill anybody who said anything against his mother. Except that I don't really have a mother.
I look my best when I'm sleeping; I dream of unicorns and dinosaurs.

I have the same problems, the same bad breath and messy hair as a regular person.

Goofy songs make me laugh :D

I am not a rocket scientist to begin with, and every day I'm losing ground. I'm not stupid, but I'm getting there.

I often lose my sense of control. I'm just fed up with juvenile confusion and rage. Intense anger, I don't know where it comes from or why, but it comes, and rattles my insides.
It's good, though.
It's a high, it's a feeling.
A feeling is better than no feeling.

I mostly feel so out of place and so lonely. That's why I love parties.... I end up losing myself to the music and the crowd-feeling.

I'm one of those people who are with no moral emotions, no attachment system & no concern for others. Because I feel no shame, no embarrassment or guilt, I find it easy to manipulate others into giving me money, sex and trust. In books they call me a "psychopath".

Outside my head, people, like cut-out paper puppets, go
on with their paper-puppet lives. Real life is inside my head.

**************************************

The people who impress me are the ones with zero attachments, no pedigrees and no baggage. I see life as a game of roulette: the more you play, the more you lose. The only way to win is to step away from the table, and you can't do that if you have attachments.

According to the Myers Briggs Type Indicator I'm an INFJ & my ideal match would be an ISTP

I am confident and scared, terrified and excited. I am sick and tired. I'm broken and whole. I can walk barefoot on asphalt in the middle of the day in summer. I can win the hearts of men as easily as I have won Olympic gold. My smile is coy and charming. I like to squeeze a little dab of mustard on my palm and lick it like it is candy or something. I truly believe everyone should make a list of at least 20 things that makes life not-suicide inducing. The trick is to keep busy. The secret is to not let your imagination get carried away. I hate people who pluck dreams from the minds of passerbys and re-dream them. I don't do Math. I'm more of a visual person. I love studying comparative anatomy. I save ants from the rain and vote in every election. I have traveled to the future and returned unscathed. Random things make me happy like watering fake plants, playing kick the can and eating vanilla ice-cream. I walk on eggshells and I walk on fire. I have a strong will but a stronger heart. I've developed a lofty sense of injustice and the mulish, reckless streak that develops in Someone Small who has been bullied all his life by Someone Big. My comebacks shatter egos where I walk. When anyone calls me "little girl" I feel I'm being sent back to my virginity, my childhood, my diapers. I like order but watching chaos from the OUTSIDE is fun. When things go bad, I've either stopped noticing long ago or I stop caring. I have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss. I can listen to random music without exploding. I hate listening to people's plans. It is like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I'm not in any of them and nobody is having sex, I just don't care. Jogging is my way to fend off old age. I wish I was skinny.
I never know what life has in store for me & I never take mental notes of where the safety nets or the emergency exits are. It's not so much, what's the point? It's more like what's the difference?
I have grown wings and kept my roots at the same time. I have a God-given knack for committing horrible mistakes. I love wearing all men's shirts and I have an obsession with giraffes. I sleep badly. I eat badly. I'm aging while standing still. I'm still breathing and this is my story.

Height: 5'7''
Weight: 112 lbs
BMI: 17.5
Fat%: 12%
Waist: 24''
Chest: 29''
Hips: 31''
Blood Type: AB+
I don't know my bone density though.

Full-time drudge. Part-time God.

Having the ability to captivate a conversation without even speaking to the person....

Editors

• ryson4u

Books I enjoyed reading:

The Mill on the Floss, Great Expectations, My Cousin Rachel, Jane Eyre, Arms and the Man, The Government Inspector, The Motorcycle Diaries, Mr.X, Whispers of Death, Sophie's World, A Long Way Down, Immortality, Veronica decides to Die, Angels and Demons, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Laughable Loves, Me Talk Pretty One Day, Catch 22, My Name is Red, They Call Me Naughty Lola, The God of Small Things, Skinny legs and all, Invisible Monsters, A Hundred Secret Senses, The Curtain, Choke, Haunted, The Five People You Meet In Heaven, A Million Little Pieces, Survivor, The Kite Runner, Life is Elsewhere, The Joke, Ignorance, Diary, Lullaby, The Secret Life of Bees, Memoirs of a Geisha, A Thousand Splendid Suns, Jpod, Monstrous Regiment, A Death in China, The Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy, Going Postal, Different Seasons, Slaughterhouse 5, Vox, The White Tiger, For One More Day, The Fountainhead, The Book of Counted Sorrows, Water For Elephants, The Stranger, Youth In Revolt, The Picture Of Dorian Gray

عشاق خائبون, نسف الأدمغة, رشق السكين, فيرتيجو, تاكسي, 1/4 جرام, حصل خير, تحب تكره أمريكا؟, أرز بلبن لشخصين, أن تكون عباس العبد, كذب المؤلفون و لو كتبوا, بابل, انجيل ادم

Silence.
How it sounds bottomless especially when the night falls. There's always a sense of vast isolation.
Quietness has a strange, spongy hum that can nearly break my eardrums.
Try closing a door so quietly that it'd amount to nothing but a snap of air & you'd feel the strangeness of it, how a small sound like that could fall across the whole world.

I think of deep outer space, the incredible cold & quiet. The heaven where silence is reward enough.

When I look in the mirror I don't like what I see.

You like seeing what happens when individuals coincide, even when the results are disastrous. You wouldn't take that personally.