"And then a buffalo will stare stupidly into your soul while slowly chewing grass and softly farting."
I bring a certain amount of sarcasm to the table, you may bring popcorn.
If I fill this out how I originally planned it would allegedly come off as "strange" and "standoffish" (actual words used with what I had up here previously), if I don't write anything I am "bland" and "lacking depth" (which also was said when I took it all down and left up the words "I like pop tarts and stuff").
Neither received positive results, so back to the drawing board I go.
I hail from Venice Beach California, you most likely have heard of it, been to it, or seen it on TV or a movie, but these days I'd prefer it if most hadn't . Gentrification greatly bothers me. There are few things worse in my mind then seeing a house where your friend and her mother use to live rented out to a bunch of prius driving shmucks, your local bakery which used to crank out fresh bread daily turned in to a condo/yoga gym/ vegan restaurant, or your post office being sold to a Movie Producer for his new base of operations (Yes I'm talking about YOU Joel Silver you conceited, no necked fuck ). In other words, I hate hipsters and chances are I probably hate you.
Additionally, I am fairly certain "YOLO" is "Carpe Diem" for stupid people, and if you think you have "Swag" promptly go walk in to oncoming traffic until that delusion has been broken by the cold, hard reality of a sedan hitting your dumb ass.
At this point you're probably thinking "Gee, what a happy little ray of sunshine this guy is." I'll admit I come off as a bit jaded but I am certain I have a soft, lovable care bear spot somewhere in my cranky, crass crust. I just have a very very low tolerance for most groups of people. At one point I truly thought I might be an introvert, but then I realized I am fully capable of engaging in conversation with random strangers, it's just most people make it very unappealing to do so.
I do however LIKE things.. and I will list some of those things just so you know I am not the human manifestation of Oscar the Grouch (although I do admire a Muppet with such conviction)
I enjoy various activities, some you may have heard of or maybe even partake in, some you have not. Some you would find entertaining yourself (like reading or going on hikes or just kicking it on the hill on the boardwalk on a sunny day with a 40oz), others that would make you cringe and say "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" (like dumpster diving for random cool things that people stupidly throw away and bombing large hills with nearly vertical slopes on my skateboard or hitting the snake run while drunk at midnight.) See? Diversity.. gotta have it.
I see a lot of women on here claiming to either BE nerds or ARE nerds and say they LOVE nerds.
I am NOT a nerd.
I have nerd like interests, For example I have a large and extensive (albeit useless) vault of knowledge about Comics, mainly Marvel and their plot lines... don't even get me STARTED on X-Men or Deadpool as I will go on a rant. I also have a strong fondness for the Muppets, Jim Henson in general and ALMOST anything Disney in terms of Animation and the history of the theme parks and good ole Walt himself. But that hardly makes me or ANYONE with my shared interests a nerd. One of my biggest pet peeves are women who claim to be nerds when they are clearly not and /or women who claim to "love" nerds when what they really mean is they like good looking guys in thick rimmed glasses and an ironic T-shirt.
If you happen to actually BE a nerd.. I frankly don't care one way or the other, your personality and attitude is what will attract me and not specifically how you have a fondness of dressing up like Princess Toadstool or what strange obsessions with Battlestar Galactica you may or may not have. Being nerdy or not being nerdy is not a deal breaker any which way for me.
So just to clarify
I am NOT a "dork", a "nerd" or a "geek" and neither are about 94% of the people who claim to be. But I don't mind if you are and can partake in nerdy activities with a healthy dose of enthusiasm.
I enjoy going to shows/concerts/gigs or whatever you cool kids call them these days. Punk and Ska is my shit for sure. Lets go to a show together if you are down.
I am easily amused with small knick knacks and doo dads and perfectly content with wandering around toy shops and hardware stores, flea markets and yard sales. I detest going to malls and shopping for clothes, or shoes because quite frankly I find that shit boring, expensive and I haven't a lick of sense when it comes to shopping in what one would call a proper setting nor do I have any taste in what is called "style".
I love whiskey, I love beer, I love brewing beer and learning how to make corn whiskey. (shhhhh).
Well, there is my self summary, I hope it wasn't too arrogant or self promoting but hey... it's hard to talk about yourself and NOT come off as a conceited jerk.
There is obviously more I could put here, but I think it better just to ask me if you truly give a shit... but I am not putting any more here for all to see and who then try and relate me to Holden Caulfield when I do so.
I fancy myself a swashbuckler Cyrano De Bergerac type anyways, Maybe even a Spider Jerusalem.