(...have been suddenly working 10-15 hour days for past 2 weeks at
work and in daily routines in my community, and have not been on
OKC or even near my computer, lol... will be back soon... )
A work in progress... maybe kinda jumbled in it's orderliness, and really long right now... typical of me...
Briefly, though "brief" may seem like a big oxymoron when you get about halfway through this super-long profile ;) (Will edit it down a lot later, and am not nearly this talkative in person or as I am in writing, lol. And my eyes don't look nearly as big in person, just look kinda normal actually imo... don't know why that happens in my photos.) I'm in a serious mood bc of going thru some stuff, and my playful side will emerge more later... though I'm feeling kind of over having to compete and impress with how fun or clever (or how anything) I can be... it feels bad to do that... if we get closer you'll see the playful side and you can judge for yourself... for now, these are the things you need to know and I to share...
I sing and have a decent country/folk/Irish style voice which I ongoingly work at expanding also toward jazz (as much as possible for an alto)... am comfortable being onstage before any number of people, though part of me gets really nervous and I just sing anyway :)... I love food, green & sustainable indoor-outdoor living, recycling/reusing/repurposing, non-consumerism, writing, relationship, poetry and Brit Lit (more later), getting to the truth, being close to and enjoying loving time with my parents, family history (though mine's interesting and grass-rootsy, not a blueblood here that I know of anyway, though I can act like it at times), engaging faith, honest communication, intentional community, affection, sentimentality and edginess, extreme diy, men who know how to fix and build stuff and are also cerebral and wordy and interestingly dressed, nature, cycling on my cheap sturdy old trusty Huffy cross-terrain (while I dream of a new white... what is it... Jamis?), light but intense fitness, psychology/brain/learning science and other areas which revolve around clearing our irrational beliefs and control dramas... want to share these kinds of work more with the Christian world which imo needs it really badly, as well as the world at large and a life-partner I wish and hope to find who's into the same kinds of work.
Am going through lots of life changes. Don't vibe any longer with the ra-ra hyper-positive vibe... authenticity and living on both pos & neg sides is delicious and key for me in everything now. Am around and into lots of what would typically be called "new age" stuff, Native American and other Old Ways, as well as being a serious Christian. Love The Four Agreements, Byron Katie's Work, William Glasser... CS Lewis, Spurgeon, Charles Finney, Oswald Chambers, etc. Learning the State of Grace Document (Blueprint of We), Sociocracy/Dynamic Governance, etc. Love to hear and share about various beliefs and takes on life, how this Creation we all live in *really* operates (!), wise ways to live depthfully and intelligently. Humor, honesty, patience, depth, willingness to engage tediousness (and dedicated focused work) if necessary to achieve something meaningful or transformative is appealing. I'm a massage & body/energyworker (as well as having other professional and educational experience), interested in trauma-release and somewhat trained in the mental health field. Just took a class in Leon Chaitow's work (amazing).
I enjoy art, travel/culture topics, science, technology (though I'm not a math person except conceptually), affection, trust, digging into stuff, history, Bible & relationship with Christ (most important), and why things large and small are as they are (what's behind things) and how we can be at peace with that and not be ignorant, while engaging a wise and meaningful ideal truthful trajectory in life, and be richly involved in the challenge and beautiful gritty outplay of that.
Color, aromatherapy, texture, richly made fabrics, make me feel adoring and adored... am very tactile, and enjoy the visual/spatial aspects of managing spaces... have a mixture of very soft feminine energy along with some serious managerial/project-oriented, opinionated drives. I make a good 2nd or 3rd in command, but am not cut out to start or manage my own projects alone much. Like spending time alone some (to rest and recharge), but greatly enjoy doing things together and with a group.
I need and want my man to lead compassionately and patiently with his pure heart and deep awareness/experience of life's and the world's dark sides, his seasoned savvy... and style... to not have to be perfect by his requirements, mine or anyone else's... to listen and share, and to happily deal with and comfortably indulge (and hopefully share also!?) my quirky sides, which are numerous according to everyone who knows me (and some of which are related to health issues/needs... see below, "private things") and some of which are just who I am. Want him to be my soft place to land, with passion, patience and afffection, edgy incisiveness, animated yet calm physicality, depth and dedication, quiet and spontaneous adventure, regard and devotion and honesty... mutual acts of service and words of affirmation... with open ability to receive and express... sharing lifework in things we care about... valuing each other and being considerate... to flirt with me always, touch and kiss and cuddle me much, cook and eat and problem-solve and learn and accomplish and grow together... amaze me with his intelligent perceptive observations and insights, amazing and unique use of words... he will shield me with his courage and protect me with his fidelity and strength... come in and partner in sustaining wholeness and authenticity... and help me do the same... as I'll do the same in return like in a traditional Jewish wedding, circling him seven times to support and protect him as his woman... and he'll crack me up with his ridiculous, edgy almost inappropriate, irreverent yet caring, somewhat picking, sharp play-on-words-oriented (often absurd) humor, which I will not often fail to appreciate (and volley back occasionally)!
:-}
I loathe cruelty in all degrees and forms, and most forms of hostility, but understand tough love. Can't stand people faultfinding, busting each other's chops, gameplaying, taking unfair advantage, acting or believeing themselves superior, or ridiculing, restricting, dominating, demanding or disempowering each other in harsh or habitual ways. Abhor denial, though some degree is inevitable for most of us in some areas. Am not entirely afraid of conflict and assertive communication, and seldom back down from it unless I'm being top-dogged habitually by someone. Dislike impersonalness, but believe in having good boundaries, leadership, and followship when appropriate. I believe in taking responsibility for my own happiness, yet also am not entirely good at managing alone. (I am now not afraid to say this... it feels good to do that and to be honest... not trying to impress anyone or hide any more than I am aware of doing.)
Some of my favorite sayings/truths... most of them my own though hardly original :
- If you aren't sure, ask. Ask anything.
- Say anything.
- Speaking less and listening more is better and it helps nearly any situation.
- To be noble, kind, considerate, charactered and good is essential.
- You can be dead right and still be dead wrong... bc you're having to be right at the expense of relationship, connection or another person's value, humanity or heart. (My Dad's saying.
- Money talks and bullshit walks. (My Mom's saying... money meaning the risk you're willing to put up to stand for what you just ran your mouth about or put on the table as an option.)
- The art and willingness of negotiation is essential and hardly found nowadays.
- Every problem in human life can be traced to a communication breakdown with self and/or others, or a case of dishonesty (or rebellion) with self, others or God.
-Americans are too in love with freedom and it's costing us dearly. Ditto for consumption, gratification and unhealthy thrills, big time.
-If someone hurts, hold them, or hold space for their heart and their truth in that moment... touch heals.
- Look for the real truth, the one you don't automatically see... then engage it with faith, passion, courage and honesty.
- A woman's (or man's) mystery is never overrated, and yet shouldn't be seen as diminished by experience, communication and knowing yourself (or each other ;).
- Innocence and wabi are in every adult heart.
- Everyone's story is valuable and interesting, and everyone has something interesting to say or contribute. Even in their silent presence.
- The most important and challenging thing, and the thing we must be mindfully doing in every moment, is to *accurately ascertain the true nature of the reality of the moment you're in*, and be present to it. And deal with it with the best wisdom you can manage.
People say I remind them of Nell and Jodie Foster. I get that. d I remind me of Hillary Clinton (who I dislike but who expresses my strong side and reminds me of my Mom in a really good way) mixed with someone delicate like Wynona Rider, or on really happy days, Meg Ryan... with the gravity of Glenn Close or Lynn Redgrave... others to come later... I'm not at all enamored of actors, except that they're really busy accomplished and often ineresting people (and fame itself is a fascinating phenomenon in our culture) but they seem useful in expressing what is hard to express in writing...?
Prefer to have nothing in between me and feeling life as it is in it's raw forms... somewhat comfortably if possible... am kind of earthy yet refined... sweet and also sharp... expansive yet very small in nature, a thrift-shopper with champange sensibility who dislikes spending too much money and loves living beautifully on little... kinda primitive yet very sophisticated in my mental processing and engagement of life... 70s and 80s big city and Euro/world vibe but a country girl... courageous yet sometimes scared and scarred by some traumas and all the wiser and deeper for it, yet also healing from some of it still... bright, motivating and very calming... supportive in very many ways, and love intimacy on every level... no longer care a hoot for fancy impressing of others (though can often be very good at it, sometimes too easy, and resent being required to do it, or being around other who insist in doing it) but love good taste and simple refined cultural vibes... love a good made-up gourmet or everyday meal (Cooking Light and Epicurious are yum inspiration!)... eat weeds (from my yard) and seeds and goat cheese... and I love love love hot soups and stews, and grilled foods (am not vegetarian).
... adore wearing great clothes & shoes I paid almost nothing for... love belled jeans, long skirts and long scarves (always felt like Stephen Tyler has my wardrobe! ;)... not high heels often bc they're bondage shoes lol, and seriously painful/damaging on your back, though nice for going out if I'm gonna be seated most of the evening... most days are spent in yoga pants/old jeans and cotton shirts or slightly funky odd pretty sassy pirate thrift clothes... or business-lady styles if necessary...
Love the 19-teens and 20s/30s for classical music, architecture and design, culture and more...
...love old homes and tiny houses and new-fangled alternative and definitely weird creative amazing extreme homes and new/old green ways of building... and camping... interested in *lots* of things... like an eclectic mix of upscale, old grandma style, euro, old New York and new Appalachian, comfy, emo semi-hippie stuff and clothes in soft solid nature colors (generally not into big color-mixtures or prints, and prefer rich quiet tone on tone or analagous colors).
Can hang with the rich and famous very comfortably, and greatly enjoy influential movers and shakers as well as homeless people and anyone who's "been through stuff" with something real to contribute and who's not phony or too impressed with themselves... am *not* (I repeat *NOT*) impressed with or tolerant of shibboleths, or bandwagons, or secret societies, or the "right" and "best" books/movies etc, though I'm often naturally up on most of them to some degree... can sparkle and hold the room with a story (though sometimes I lose my punchline), am full of information and teach well on fascinating stuff I geek on (or happily receive same from others), or can be boring and seemingly dull... go both ways... delicate in some ways, strong in others.
(Yes, this really *is* brief... if you don't greatly enjoy reading, writing, wallowing in and "getting" lots of words and ideas well, and talking about yourself and your ideas, we won't be very compatible for long... and yes there are men who (are) like this, so no comments to the contrary please. There's a lot to get to know about me, although in some ways I'm also pretty boring... got a lot going on inside this soul of mine...
...the air is cool and mountain fresh in the green... vapor lifts in the distance and sweet spicy mandolin music and hymns merge with soul and other strains as it wafts over the hills. Creosote mixes with the scent of rose geranium and lemon balm, autumn leaves & pine needles, rich black dirt, tangled meandering ground vines and mosses, the smell of horses. This cabin/french farmhouse, hidden but close to town, is made of centuries-old timbers, unusual odd & worn Arts & Crafts elements, futuristic materials as-yet-unheard-of, new polished wood, faux-finished sheetrock, plaster and cobb and earthbags, and found or salvaged stone... beautifully tarnished expensive-looking metals and old antique tile, frosted glass and several expensive unique handmade pieces mostly gotten for a song, thrift store kitsch and keepsakes found on walks and from memories of special times (a rabbit's tail, rocks and leaves, eggs and insect shells, fortune cookie messages, worn glass and lost postcards...
...there's a soft rushing creek flowing out back as horses whinny in the distance, and a big simple hardy healthy organic gourmet meal cooking in a cast-iron skillet on the stove, sweet vanilla spelt or cornbread with blackcurrants cooked in and peach-pepper preserves, some raspberry tulsi tea and dark chocolate. The ceiling and walkway need fixing, and weeds are welcome, esp if they're medicinal plants or food for wild things and pretty insects... the bed's unmade and piled cozy high with blankets, and there're a few dishes in the sink... it's cold now, so bankets are on the couch too and I'll soon be helping to milk goats or prep for gardening in this community at the end of season... the vibe is smooth, sober, friendly, spontaneous yet controlled, reserved, open and unexpected, exposing yet supportive... comfortable with loss, tears, hilarity, your humanity and mine, horseplay and gratuitous intimacy laced with barely bearable tenderness and lingering touch, and sturdy passionate sweetness with challenging honesty... intense and mostly unafraid... exploring... the fire can be pretty warm and glowing... come in, take your shoes off and sit a while?
A work in progress... maybe kinda jumbled in it's orderliness, and really long right now... typical of me...
Briefly, though "brief" may seem like a big oxymoron when you get about halfway through this super-long profile ;) (Will edit it down a lot later, and am not nearly this talkative in person or as I am in writing, lol. And my eyes don't look nearly as big in person, just look kinda normal actually imo... don't know why that happens in my photos.) I'm in a serious mood bc of going thru some stuff, and my playful side will emerge more later... though I'm feeling kind of over having to compete and impress with how fun or clever (or how anything) I can be... it feels bad to do that... if we get closer you'll see the playful side and you can judge for yourself... for now, these are the things you need to know and I to share...
I sing and have a decent country/folk/Irish style voice which I ongoingly work at expanding also toward jazz (as much as possible for an alto)... am comfortable being onstage before any number of people, though part of me gets really nervous and I just sing anyway :)... I love food, green & sustainable indoor-outdoor living, recycling/reusing/repurposing, non-consumerism, writing, relationship, poetry and Brit Lit (more later), getting to the truth, being close to and enjoying loving time with my parents, family history (though mine's interesting and grass-rootsy, not a blueblood here that I know of anyway, though I can act like it at times), engaging faith, honest communication, intentional community, affection, sentimentality and edginess, extreme diy, men who know how to fix and build stuff and are also cerebral and wordy and interestingly dressed, nature, cycling on my cheap sturdy old trusty Huffy cross-terrain (while I dream of a new white... what is it... Jamis?), light but intense fitness, psychology/brain/learning science and other areas which revolve around clearing our irrational beliefs and control dramas... want to share these kinds of work more with the Christian world which imo needs it really badly, as well as the world at large and a life-partner I wish and hope to find who's into the same kinds of work.
Am going through lots of life changes. Don't vibe any longer with the ra-ra hyper-positive vibe... authenticity and living on both pos & neg sides is delicious and key for me in everything now. Am around and into lots of what would typically be called "new age" stuff, Native American and other Old Ways, as well as being a serious Christian. Love The Four Agreements, Byron Katie's Work, William Glasser... CS Lewis, Spurgeon, Charles Finney, Oswald Chambers, etc. Learning the State of Grace Document (Blueprint of We), Sociocracy/Dynamic Governance, etc. Love to hear and share about various beliefs and takes on life, how this Creation we all live in *really* operates (!), wise ways to live depthfully and intelligently. Humor, honesty, patience, depth, willingness to engage tediousness (and dedicated focused work) if necessary to achieve something meaningful or transformative is appealing. I'm a massage & body/energyworker (as well as having other professional and educational experience), interested in trauma-release and somewhat trained in the mental health field. Just took a class in Leon Chaitow's work (amazing).
I enjoy art, travel/culture topics, science, technology (though I'm not a math person except conceptually), affection, trust, digging into stuff, history, Bible & relationship with Christ (most important), and why things large and small are as they are (what's behind things) and how we can be at peace with that and not be ignorant, while engaging a wise and meaningful ideal truthful trajectory in life, and be richly involved in the challenge and beautiful gritty outplay of that.
Color, aromatherapy, texture, richly made fabrics, make me feel adoring and adored... am very tactile, and enjoy the visual/spatial aspects of managing spaces... have a mixture of very soft feminine energy along with some serious managerial/project-oriented, opinionated drives. I make a good 2nd or 3rd in command, but am not cut out to start or manage my own projects alone much. Like spending time alone some (to rest and recharge), but greatly enjoy doing things together and with a group.
I need and want my man to lead compassionately and patiently with his pure heart and deep awareness/experience of life's and the world's dark sides, his seasoned savvy... and style... to not have to be perfect by his requirements, mine or anyone else's... to listen and share, and to happily deal with and comfortably indulge (and hopefully share also!?) my quirky sides, which are numerous according to everyone who knows me (and some of which are related to health issues/needs... see below, "private things") and some of which are just who I am. Want him to be my soft place to land, with passion, patience and afffection, edgy incisiveness, animated yet calm physicality, depth and dedication, quiet and spontaneous adventure, regard and devotion and honesty... mutual acts of service and words of affirmation... with open ability to receive and express... sharing lifework in things we care about... valuing each other and being considerate... to flirt with me always, touch and kiss and cuddle me much, cook and eat and problem-solve and learn and accomplish and grow together... amaze me with his intelligent perceptive observations and insights, amazing and unique use of words... he will shield me with his courage and protect me with his fidelity and strength... come in and partner in sustaining wholeness and authenticity... and help me do the same... as I'll do the same in return like in a traditional Jewish wedding, circling him seven times to support and protect him as his woman... and he'll crack me up with his ridiculous, edgy almost inappropriate, irreverent yet caring, somewhat picking, sharp play-on-words-oriented (often absurd) humor, which I will not often fail to appreciate (and volley back occasionally)!
:-}
I loathe cruelty in all degrees and forms, and most forms of hostility, but understand tough love. Can't stand people faultfinding, busting each other's chops, gameplaying, taking unfair advantage, acting or believeing themselves superior, or ridiculing, restricting, dominating, demanding or disempowering each other in harsh or habitual ways. Abhor denial, though some degree is inevitable for most of us in some areas. Am not entirely afraid of conflict and assertive communication, and seldom back down from it unless I'm being top-dogged habitually by someone. Dislike impersonalness, but believe in having good boundaries, leadership, and followship when appropriate. I believe in taking responsibility for my own happiness, yet also am not entirely good at managing alone. (I am now not afraid to say this... it feels good to do that and to be honest... not trying to impress anyone or hide any more than I am aware of doing.)
Some of my favorite sayings/truths... most of them my own though hardly original :
- If you aren't sure, ask. Ask anything.
- Say anything.
- Speaking less and listening more is better and it helps nearly any situation.
- To be noble, kind, considerate, charactered and good is essential.
- You can be dead right and still be dead wrong... bc you're having to be right at the expense of relationship, connection or another person's value, humanity or heart. (My Dad's saying.
- Money talks and bullshit walks. (My Mom's saying... money meaning the risk you're willing to put up to stand for what you just ran your mouth about or put on the table as an option.)
- The art and willingness of negotiation is essential and hardly found nowadays.
- Every problem in human life can be traced to a communication breakdown with self and/or others, or a case of dishonesty (or rebellion) with self, others or God.
-Americans are too in love with freedom and it's costing us dearly. Ditto for consumption, gratification and unhealthy thrills, big time.
-If someone hurts, hold them, or hold space for their heart and their truth in that moment... touch heals.
- Look for the real truth, the one you don't automatically see... then engage it with faith, passion, courage and honesty.
- A woman's (or man's) mystery is never overrated, and yet shouldn't be seen as diminished by experience, communication and knowing yourself (or each other ;).
- Innocence and wabi are in every adult heart.
- Everyone's story is valuable and interesting, and everyone has something interesting to say or contribute. Even in their silent presence.
- The most important and challenging thing, and the thing we must be mindfully doing in every moment, is to *accurately ascertain the true nature of the reality of the moment you're in*, and be present to it. And deal with it with the best wisdom you can manage.
People say I remind them of Nell and Jodie Foster. I get that. d I remind me of Hillary Clinton (who I dislike but who expresses my strong side and reminds me of my Mom in a really good way) mixed with someone delicate like Wynona Rider, or on really happy days, Meg Ryan... with the gravity of Glenn Close or Lynn Redgrave... others to come later... I'm not at all enamored of actors, except that they're really busy accomplished and often ineresting people (and fame itself is a fascinating phenomenon in our culture) but they seem useful in expressing what is hard to express in writing...?
Prefer to have nothing in between me and feeling life as it is in it's raw forms... somewhat comfortably if possible... am kind of earthy yet refined... sweet and also sharp... expansive yet very small in nature, a thrift-shopper with champange sensibility who dislikes spending too much money and loves living beautifully on little... kinda primitive yet very sophisticated in my mental processing and engagement of life... 70s and 80s big city and Euro/world vibe but a country girl... courageous yet sometimes scared and scarred by some traumas and all the wiser and deeper for it, yet also healing from some of it still... bright, motivating and very calming... supportive in very many ways, and love intimacy on every level... no longer care a hoot for fancy impressing of others (though can often be very good at it, sometimes too easy, and resent being required to do it, or being around other who insist in doing it) but love good taste and simple refined cultural vibes... love a good made-up gourmet or everyday meal (Cooking Light and Epicurious are yum inspiration!)... eat weeds (from my yard) and seeds and goat cheese... and I love love love hot soups and stews, and grilled foods (am not vegetarian).
... adore wearing great clothes & shoes I paid almost nothing for... love belled jeans, long skirts and long scarves (always felt like Stephen Tyler has my wardrobe! ;)... not high heels often bc they're bondage shoes lol, and seriously painful/damaging on your back, though nice for going out if I'm gonna be seated most of the evening... most days are spent in yoga pants/old jeans and cotton shirts or slightly funky odd pretty sassy pirate thrift clothes... or business-lady styles if necessary...
Love the 19-teens and 20s/30s for classical music, architecture and design, culture and more...
...love old homes and tiny houses and new-fangled alternative and definitely weird creative amazing extreme homes and new/old green ways of building... and camping... interested in *lots* of things... like an eclectic mix of upscale, old grandma style, euro, old New York and new Appalachian, comfy, emo semi-hippie stuff and clothes in soft solid nature colors (generally not into big color-mixtures or prints, and prefer rich quiet tone on tone or analagous colors).
Can hang with the rich and famous very comfortably, and greatly enjoy influential movers and shakers as well as homeless people and anyone who's "been through stuff" with something real to contribute and who's not phony or too impressed with themselves... am *not* (I repeat *NOT*) impressed with or tolerant of shibboleths, or bandwagons, or secret societies, or the "right" and "best" books/movies etc, though I'm often naturally up on most of them to some degree... can sparkle and hold the room with a story (though sometimes I lose my punchline), am full of information and teach well on fascinating stuff I geek on (or happily receive same from others), or can be boring and seemingly dull... go both ways... delicate in some ways, strong in others.
(Yes, this really *is* brief... if you don't greatly enjoy reading, writing, wallowing in and "getting" lots of words and ideas well, and talking about yourself and your ideas, we won't be very compatible for long... and yes there are men who (are) like this, so no comments to the contrary please. There's a lot to get to know about me, although in some ways I'm also pretty boring... got a lot going on inside this soul of mine...
...the air is cool and mountain fresh in the green... vapor lifts in the distance and sweet spicy mandolin music and hymns merge with soul and other strains as it wafts over the hills. Creosote mixes with the scent of rose geranium and lemon balm, autumn leaves & pine needles, rich black dirt, tangled meandering ground vines and mosses, the smell of horses. This cabin/french farmhouse, hidden but close to town, is made of centuries-old timbers, unusual odd & worn Arts & Crafts elements, futuristic materials as-yet-unheard-of, new polished wood, faux-finished sheetrock, plaster and cobb and earthbags, and found or salvaged stone... beautifully tarnished expensive-looking metals and old antique tile, frosted glass and several expensive unique handmade pieces mostly gotten for a song, thrift store kitsch and keepsakes found on walks and from memories of special times (a rabbit's tail, rocks and leaves, eggs and insect shells, fortune cookie messages, worn glass and lost postcards...
...there's a soft rushing creek flowing out back as horses whinny in the distance, and a big simple hardy healthy organic gourmet meal cooking in a cast-iron skillet on the stove, sweet vanilla spelt or cornbread with blackcurrants cooked in and peach-pepper preserves, some raspberry tulsi tea and dark chocolate. The ceiling and walkway need fixing, and weeds are welcome, esp if they're medicinal plants or food for wild things and pretty insects... the bed's unmade and piled cozy high with blankets, and there're a few dishes in the sink... it's cold now, so bankets are on the couch too and I'll soon be helping to milk goats or prep for gardening in this community at the end of season... the vibe is smooth, sober, friendly, spontaneous yet controlled, reserved, open and unexpected, exposing yet supportive... comfortable with loss, tears, hilarity, your humanity and mine, horseplay and gratuitous intimacy laced with barely bearable tenderness and lingering touch, and sturdy passionate sweetness with challenging honesty... intense and mostly unafraid... exploring... the fire can be pretty warm and glowing... come in, take your shoes off and sit a while?
