So, it is 2008. The flagtards are out in full swing, all the illegal fireworks in the neighborhood have gone off and set their own little blazes, and winter is finally coming all over South Texas.

Oh, and my cripple of a truck got egged. Goddamn kids.


I am going to refer to 2008 at '10' because not only is it easier to say, but it's much more even. It'll be a balanced year, full of cookies with the perfect ratio of chocolate chips to dough, David Tennant, and David Tennant's tongue.

Maybe also some Alan Cumming in the nude. Oh! 10 is also the year that Zooey Deschanel will be releasing an album!

Hooray! Not that my girlcrush on her needed any further prodding, but there we go.

If 10 sucks as badly as 2007 did, I swear I'll shoot something. I will get an orange beanie and go hunting with my deplorable inebriated redneck uncle and kill woodland creatures with big pleading eyes. And their moms. Then I'll eat them.

No, I'm totally not sitting here singing random Sondheim songs at the top of my lungs.

Nope.

"Green Finch and Linnet Bird" is nowhere near my vocal range anyway.


Let us ignore the fact that everything Mrs. Lovett sings is crazily off key enough for my voice. Or, you know, anything from Company.

C'mon, baby. Let's make up. I didn't mean to chase you off the site.

Really! Honest! I swear it to the heavens and on certain literary graves!


Now, honey darlin', quit being so difficult. I'll have to call Santa. We don't want that, now do we? You'd get no presents, my love! What is life with no presents? I want to save you from that life!

LET ME SAVE YOU!

Quit stalking me, ya crazy mofo.

Unless, of course, you plan on telling me why you flagged my profile.


JUST KIDDING, I love you, ya crazy kid! 97 year old gay man? HILARITY! Everyone knows people of alternate sexualities don't live that long. Silly.

Full Message including my Undeliverable Reply because whorefaces BLOCK LIKE SCARED NINJAS: (screencaps available upon request)

No. When did I post a message in my journal when it wasn't someone talking about me boning my family?

'Cause that was some crazy shit right there. I tell you what. Not as crazy as that catfucker that wanted to go out with me, but pretty crazy NONE THE LESS.

You are only slightly crazy. Kind of full of entitlement and THE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF FIRE AND GOODNESS, like the Harry Potter fans who think Snape is a woobie. Do you get heartburn a lot? From the righteous fire?


=====val0tte wrote=====
Oh look, another "flagmod". As long as I am being subjected to public derision, I will continue to complain. Do you plan to post this message in your journal as well?


=====vespagirl_mod wrote=====
Don't do the hateflags! Or the grudgeflags.


Also: The interenet is FULL OF STRANGERS! QUICK, HIDE! BEFORE THEY SEE YOU!
=====9373=====

=====27860=====

I am from Texas. I have Texas sized brass balls full of pecans and engraved with the image of the majestic bluebonnet. Possibly also the Alamo.

It is my very right, nay, DUTY as a resident of this state to insult people for not being from this state. I accept that we have flaws, and hicks, and Andrea Yates. We breed batshit here like it was prime beef. (We did not, however, breed Bush. So quit fucking trying to put him back here once his term is over. WE DO NOT WANT HIM. HE IS NOT ONE OF US GOOBLE GOBBLE. Not unless we can maim him into a chicken.)

But we also have Kinky, rodeo clowns, and enough open space to hide some wicked crazy numbers of zombie bodies.

Experiments: They take time, and burial ground. Go Spurs.

Now, Manu will and the Time Warner Choir will sing an advertisement...

Go for three! Go for three! Go for three todaaaaay!




My Excuse For All This is that I have not slept for about a day, and am hopped up on Jolt cola. Thank you.

Dear Old Men:

Seriously, unless your time spent on this earth culminated in you being either Hugh Laurie, Kevin Kline, Alan Rickman, Ron Glass, or someone of equal poise, badassery, and taste, then back the hell off. Seriously.

I will sic the hounds on you. The ones that spit bees. We do not want that because then we have to replace the bees. I don not have the money to replace the bees.

Exceptions: None.

I am terribly sorry if I have not responded in a timely manner to messages. You bitches will just have to deal, because I was doing other stuff.

Like, throwing up food and having awesome fever dreams.



FYI: Rudolf's red nose glows with EVIL POWERS. He can shoot lasers from it while singing the Animaniacs song on the Prairie Home Companion stage. OH, and there was something else about it snowing onions as a punishment from God.

Why the fuck is Booker T. & The MG's - Soul Dressing playing on the Chrismtas Tag station?

Because it is awesome, that's why. I bet it is Santa's favorite song to get high to.

I heard "R2-D2 We Wish You A Merry Christmas" and felt all warm and lovely in my heart.

Then last.fm decided to grace my ears with "El Burrito de Belen" and I laughed for an age. By 'burrito' they mean 'tiny donkey,' or course, but it is so much more enjoyable when you just think of it is as something from Chipotle. For the baby Jesus.

The best part about all of it is that I still have "Mandy Goes To Med School" stuck in my head. Back alley abortionists for baby Jesus? Yes, please.