I'm sixth in line to the British throne by way of an illicit affair between Prince Charles and my paternal grandmother. This doesn't come with all that much wealth or prestige (I don't even get invited to family gatherings), but in the event of a series of unfortunate events I could potentially find myself a head of state. I find this frightening. On the other hand, the annual gift baskets and small monthly stipend are a nice supplement to my income.
I once escaped a collapsing Mayan temple using only my wits, a fedora, and a ten-foot pole. I speak six languages, one of which is dead and another I made up while high on salvia with the help of a mango tree. One of my oldest friends is an orangutan who runs a well-known university library. One day I will discover the secret of eternal life and am convinced coffee is the key.
For some reason, thunder tends to boom ominously and somehow threateningly when I pass within ten paces of a church.
Also, apparently the first word I ever spoke was "cat."
Agh, fine, you want an actual sort of summary thing? Heterocisgendergeekysnarkywhiteyfeministmcnerdface. ENTJ, if you're into that sort of thing.
I tend to talk quickly when I'm in an engaging conversation.