right now i'm working on living a structured life and am finishing up my degree in mathematics. I've had a lot of shit in the past that I've dealt with and have been my own jailer far too many times. I'll add to this later when I'm feeling more creative, but right now I just want to have fun. I'm logical to a fault and I need to let go and just be.
also, i'm really bad at carrying conversations. it's hard for me to force my mind to wander, if i'm walking or doing something, thoughts come much more naturally, but that's not really an option online. I'm always a great listener, though.
Honesty and being open are extremely important. if everyone doesn't know the situation, how can we expect to deal with it? life isn't a fairy tale, truth can suck, but it's a hell of a lot more stable than anything else.
Kindness above all else. Too many people don't think about the implications of their actions or lack of action. I'm included in this, but I try my best find the most positive solution for everyone. If everyone just stepped outside of themselves for a bit I think the world would be a happier place.
the words, "it's not that bad" or, "i guess it's ok" don't mean much by themselves, but after years they build up. In my opinion it's easiest in the long run just to not say them at all.
contrary to my entire summary, I do try to not take everything seriously. Life is about having fun, I just like to know what exactly i'm doing with it. oh and my humor is either childish or too specific to be funny.
-the following is from 2011, I figure if you want to know me it's important to see the past (the short version is I was finding my ego)-
i'm just starting to figure myself out, what i am, but more importantly who i am and who i want to be. i hate filling these out like most people but i suppose i should so i dont come off as some standoffish jackass.
i've found that i'm not that well ground in a foundation as i thought i was- or rather that foundation was a false one. i tend to let my fear of people knowing the real me get in the way of a lot of things, and generally let fear control my actions; that is if i care what they think. the road to fixing this is a bumpy one but i think i should accept myself and lay my person bare for others to see to face my fear. some of the characteristics that i've established that are truly mine are i'm a cynic who constantly wants to hope for the best in people, but realizes most people suck. i try to do the right thing because its just the right thing to do and not because i gain some self gratification from it. i reject and accept both genders not based on some sort of personal ideal, but because i simply want to be what i like from both; so i take that and get rid of what i dont like, physically speaking of course. i tend to view people as... well people in vessels, a "girl" or "boy" is not one simply because they are in that "vessel". people are just people contained in bodies.
who i want to be is someone whose stronger. of course thats what most people want, but i suppose its a start to finally recognize that. i'm tired of being afraid of things so i'm starting to face those fears. there is really only one use for fear and that is recognition; everything else that comes with it, like the imobility, indecision, the want to flee, is useless. i've started to remake myself in the image i want to be, i'm going to be what i want regardless of what others think.
anyway thats my statement, sorry to dump most of my crazy onto whoever's reading this but hey... this is the first introduction i've put thought into so you should feel honored ;D jk.
-too lazy to find what i repeated in the previous update, so deal with repeats-
um other stuff about me... i'm a big math nerd, i love musing about metaphysics, i hate writing but love dissecting literature, video games are fun, anime is my shameful secret, and while chemistry bores me, biology intrigues me. you may have noticed that in my detail i put drugs as sometimes; i have researched everything i put into my body. i am quite paranoid about damaging my brain as that is essentially who we are. (I don't do this anymore, I'm getting too old for that shit)
i look for a strong person, they have to be smart, and just be kind.
k, i'm bored and i'm sure you can tell the effort i've put into this is diminishing greatly with each short paragraph, so i'm done.
(if you really want to get to know me talk to me, personally i think these are needless since everyone only looks at the pictures, amirite?)
after spitting out all of those generic, universal troubles and characteristics i dont really trust myself to tell anyone who i am. honestly i'm the last person to really know me. find out for yourself!