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37 Berkeley, CA Non-binary, Cis Man

Non-binary, Cis Man

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I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 25-45
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Online now!
Open relationship
Relationship Type
5' 10" (1.78m)
Body Type
Working on Post grad
Doesn’t have kids but wants them
English (Fluently), C++ (Fluently), Sign Language (Somewhat), Spanish (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
In general, I've been trying to make the world a better place. I deeply feel that the personal is political, and I try to enact in my own life how I wish the world would be. I spend a lot of time thinking about inequity and oppression for my work, and I often feel both empowered and overwhelmed when I try to enact change.

People have fascinated me since I was small. Big people, small people. People with one star on their bellies or two. I generally only lose my temper around people who are hateful, attacking my friends in some way, or deeply bigoted.

I do like to get out, go on adventures, and have fun, although graduate school makes this hard. I find I have to be creative about this, such as combining conferences and camping. I find peace the outdoors and nature, but I think my home is the city and epicenters of society.

I laugh loudly, wear bright pink shirts, and I am a bit of a hippy.

My Myers Briggs is ENFP, if anyone cares.

BIG IMPORTANT NOTE!: I am currently seriously dating someone in the city! She is really lovely! I am Polyamorous! Scroll down to the bottom for more information on this! Exclamation point!
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.

Also, I'm a graduate student in sociology at UC Davis.

I'm lucky that my path has taken me through a number of really interesting fields. I have, at various times, considered myself a psychologist, a biologist, a programmer, and a sociologist.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Listening. Figuring people out.

Trying to explaining white privilege to white undergrads.

Attempting to convince folks that it is okay to identify yourself as a feminist, and it does not mean that you hate men.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
a) I get lost in books so easily, even non-fiction. When I start a book, it's likely that I'll be up until 5am at least one morning finishing it. Then I feel like I have a hangover the next day. I'm a big fan of the Tao te ching. Le guin's work is amazing. Also 1984, Brave new world, and Fahrenheit 451 were central to my development as a person. When I was a child, I had a habit of re-reading Fahrenheit 451 every three months or so.

b)I like movies that take advantage of the medium, and make me think. Campy stuff sometimes get watched also, I won't lie.

c) I like fusions. I've been listening to Manu chao non-stop. I like music that makes me feel things. Arcade fire makes me feel all conflicted and righteous, Solex and the Johns make me feel existential, The Postal Service makes me both feel ecstatic and sad. Aphex Twin sends me on overdrive, and I like a lot of the more mainstream electronica, like Daft punk, Cornelius, etc.

d) Food without Gluten in it ;)
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.

2)Gummy bears.

3)Chocolate covered gummy bears. (O! M!! G!!!)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
I think one of the things sociology has done for me is that it has made me realize how much of the world is subjective and socially constructed. This makes me question, and hopefully change many things in myself, including internalized gender roles, privilege, the construction of relationships, and my contributions to the -isms in the social structures which I exist.

In other words, I do spend a lot of time thinking about my own shit, and how to work it out. I value this sort of thought in other folks, as well.

Also, when I am on OkCupid, I think a lot about Goffman, a sociological theorist that looked at the construction and presentation of self.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
At a party,writing a paper, grading, off camping somewhere, maybe catching up on sleep? Who knows!
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
People seem to use this box to describe what they are looking for in a relationship. So, here it goes...

I am looking for connection. I recognize that comes in many forms, and I think I am open to most of them. Here is the thing. I've spent a lot of my life categorizing my relationship needs as boxes. I figure out what needs I have, make a box for that ("Let's label this box "Girlfriend!"") and then going out and trying to shove someone into that box. This, it turns out, is a bad approach. For me, at least.

I've had a lot more luck recently going out, finding connection, and then carving out space in my life for what that connection grows into. I do find myself craving more serious, committed relationships as I get older, although friends/massage buddies/makeout friends/people to go out dancing with/ships passing in the night are all pretty awesome.

I'm also open to a bunch of relationship models. While I have been very happy in monogamous relationships in the past, and could see myself happy in them again if conditions were right, monogamy isn't something I am interested in negotiating with anyone at the moment.

My approach to poly is non-hierarchical. This does not mean that I expect all of my relationships to have the same commitment level. Far from it. Rather, no relationship I have will have asymmetric authority over other relationships I have. I have had bad experiences with hierarchical relationships, have several friends who have had bad experiences with them, and I believe the relationship model to be harmful to everyone involved.

I recommend reading the book "More than Two" to anyone who wants to find out more! ( Very happy to discuss this more with anyone who wants to chat about it!