I'm kind of like a leprechaun only I'm of scottish ancestry, average height, don't wear a lot of green, and I'm not magic. Other than that though, I'm totally like a leprechaun.

So it seems the site really wants me to add to my self summary. I still have no idea what to write. I like to think I'm a good dude but doesn't everyone? It's all a matter of perspective and since your own perspective is the one you're most familiar with surely that's the one you're going to go with. So yeah, I think I'm a good dude. I'm a bit of a dichotomy mixed in with a walking and talking contradiction in terms. Sometimes I'm incredibly shy and sometime I can't shut up to save my life. I recently purchased everything I'd need to paint and have an idea for what I want to paint first (I have zero drawing ability but I love to doodle so it's going to be something abstract) but I've yet to sit down and give it a shot. I live alone in my own house which was bought when I was much more financially viable but times have changed and now my mortgage has me chained to a job that doesn't really challenge me in any significant way but still manages to stress me out regularly. In the fall I'm going back to school to hopefully pursue a degree in engineering. It'll be tough as I was always more of an english/history guy in school but I think I can sweat the math and the possibility of finding myself in a field where I'm judged more for what I know and my work really appeals to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there's politics and ass kissing involved in that field as well but I'm hoping to a lesser degree since I don't kiss ass. I'm also hoping I can use my electives to get me that much closer to a psychology degree as well but we'll see. Hell, typing that was easy now we get to see if I can do it.

Right now I'm working but if you happen to be a sugar mama looking for a kept man I can totally rock that. Other than that it's work, school, and assorted tomfoolery.

Incredibly shitty magic tricks. They will blow your mind. I used to be really good at holding in farts at funerals until recently jesus that was awkward.

Other than that I'm good at talking, listening, being a smart ass, giving decent advice to everyone but not following a bit of it myself, not coming up with new and innovative solutions to America's place in globalized economy, hating Boston (the band not the city), playing well at mini golf, playing extra shittily at real golf, full contact bowling, juggling chainsaws on fire, saying the inappropriate thing at the worst possible moment, pissing off people that can crush me physically, emotionally, or financially, smoking, cussing, being ornery, cheering you up when you feel blue (usually by making an ass out of myself), juggling chainsaws that are on fire (I put that in twice because I'm double good at it), initiating the zombie apocalypse, fighting said zombie apocalypse, and breathing.

That I'm shorter than Godzilla. Also, keen fashion sense and if I'm walking away, finely chiseled man ass.

Books: Watership Down, Catcher in the Rye, A Clockwork Orange (awesome book, crap film), Fountainhead, Cat's Cradle, A Confederacy of Dunces, Cash, A Prayer for Owen Meany, Pillars of the Earth, Maus, Letters from Planet Earth, and a shit ton of comic books

Movies: I like a lot of different movies, some favorites include, Clerks, Rushmore, Yojimbo, The Dirty Dozen, An Affair to Remember, The Quiet Man, The Outlaw Jossie Wales, Once upon a time in the West, Evil Dead 2, The Seven Samurai, When Harry met Sally, High and Low, Red River, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, Casino, and a lot of other stuff

Music: In no particular order: The Beatles, Bad Religion, Elvis, David Bowie, Blackalicious, The Clash, Simon and Garfunkel, T-Rex, Elton John, Lyrics Born, Rocket from the Crypt, The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, Reel Big Fish, Weezer, The Sex Pistols, Jurassic 5, Brother Ali, LCD Soundsystem, The Arcade Fire, Ozomatli, The Pietasters, The Ramones, Rancid, Blur, The Suicide Machines, Less Than Jake, Johnny Cash, The Who, The Dirtbombs, Atmosphere, Willie Nelson, Nirvana, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Beastie Boys, Neil Young, Gorillaz, and many many more . . .

Food: Meat, bread, pasta.

How about a six things I don't need at all but would rock to own.

1. Time Machine: This would allow me to do such things as go and see the Beatles back in the day, give Joe Stalin a mohawk while he was sleeping, lace Hitler's dinner with laxatives only to find that I had also sewn his asshole shut, RIDE A DINOSAUR, compare mustaches with Teddy Roosevelt, punch Jack the Ripper in the nuts.

2. A Jet Pack: This would allow me to poop on the cars of my enemies from above.

3. A pair of every converse Chuck Taylor's ever made: I am a total girl for shoes.

4. More money than God: Even Jesus needs to bum a 10 spot every now and then.

5. A pet talking Grizzly Bear: No explanation needed, this would rock.

6. A Camry Hybrid: I like my Camry, but it's not a hybrid and I care about the environment.

Sadly, work. You really need to change that about me.

Playing table tennis with a live grenade. Me is super hardcore.

Ever seen an Affair to Remember with Cary Grant? For one, the movie rocks, and for two, I cry like a wee girl with a skint knee every time I see it.

You need me to make your life better because that's what I do. Unless you're Hitler reincarnated. If that's the case then fuck you for ruining Charlie Chaplin's mustache and being King Douche you evil evil fuck.